We live on through the memories people have of us. Some people are unforgettable others fade into the minds of the crowd.

I started counseling. I went to my second appointment today. I am going weekly on Wednesday at 9 am. I am finally building my own bridges so I can stand by myself. I have discovered I never had a self. I have body dysphoria and it's holding me back. I need to build myself to deal with the abuse I suffered. My ex did a lot of damage and I already was damaged. I worked hard to build a platform for myself and he tore it down in two years and I didn't have a chance to build it back because I was trapped for seven years in his abusive tactics. He neglected me when I needed him, he expected me to sacrifice everything for him and he did nothing but complain about everything blaming me for his discomfort. He caused me paranoia and anxiety because he broke my self esteem and security. He stole and lied to me. He gaslighted everything I did and tried to mock me and steal my work for himself. The dude made a blog similar to my own and got upset when he didn't get the same attention I get. When I worked hard to build my community, it took years for me to get my blog where it's at. He can't achieve the same thing in one post. He can't even write good poetry. His makes no sense. He needs to work hard to learn how to write poetry. I have been writing since I was seven years old, before I could write my mom wrote for me and I told her what to write. I am autistic too so I started out slowly. Building my blogs helped me improve my writing skills because I wanted to learn and get critical help from my readers. You guys are my muse and support. He doesn't want to work so he failed. He also made it harder for me to grieve for my mom after she passed. He wasn't supportive instead he was attacking me and accusing me of cheating when he was the one cheating. He bugged my apartment to collect evidence I was cheating. He got very mean when he couldn't get the evidence he wanted. My mom had to help me protect myself after he broke into my apartment and stole food and used my stuff in 2014. He never apologized or took responsibility for his crimes. Our community doesn't care about me either, they didn't punish him after he was reported and caught. They literally paid for the damages and he is free to cause more damage. He also murdered his cat while he tore apart his apartment and ended up in the hospital for mental health. He ended up breaking out of the hospital and walked home ****** and mentally unstable. I reported him but nothing was done. He brought dug dealers and prostitutes into his apartment. Pretended to not know they were criminal's yet he brought them in to make deals and feed his own addiction. I am forced to deal with the mental health issues he caused. Our justice system is broken, there's no protection or justice. I am proof. It needs to change. The lack of justice is damaging lives.

My mother passed away from cancer in 2015 and I promised to always share her with anyone who is willing to read my poetry. I miss her dearly.

What is Synesthesia?

syn·es·the·sia

/ˌsinəsˈTHēZHə/

noun

PHYSIOLOGY•PSYCHOLOGY

noun: synaesthesia; noun: synesthesia

the production of a sense impression relating to one sense or part of the body by stimulation of another sense or part of the body.

This is a poem inspired by my passed experience with mental illness.

Thank you for the support and views. I wish you all well. ❤️

Good morning my fellow Poets.

This is inspired by my body dysphoria. I might have a women's body but I am not dictated by what's between my legs. I chose to be who I am not a gender. I never played gender roles. I am uniquely autistically me. You can't change me neither can I change myself. My brain is exactly what it is, was and always will be. You have a choice to love me for me or move on and don't be a ****, be kind to each other and humanity will thrive. ❤️ "Love is acceptance and success because it helps build societies so be kind to each other and humanity will thrive." ~ Amanda Shelton

May peace be with you all. ❤️

I have been thinking about the troubles our government has been displaying. I am sickened by the mockery we see. It’s become a stage for monkey’s and *******’s. I feel like toddlers are running our country.

Our government is more concerned with, How many likes can I get? How many people can I hurt before they ban this post? Look at me I am a free loader you call a government agency. I don’t give a hoot if you are happy or pleased with me, I am going to do whatever I please. Then they gloat about how great they are. I feel the same way about news stations and news casters.

It sickens me so I wrote this poem. You can find the original on my blog here https://gothicrealms.wordpress.com/2018/10/24/click-post-bang/

My love is suffering from addictions. I've learned to not trust him. It's sad that anyone would have to say that. Love should be a good experience not an abusive one full of broken promises. I've watched my love abuse himself and accuse me of cheating and other horrible things. I am not a dishonest fool not am I perfect. I am too busy meditating on God and dealing with my health issues. I've given him everything he needs to get help. He has support. I made sure of that from the beginning. I have to let him go. If he loves me then he would love himself too enough to get help and follow the program like everyone does who are in recovery. You can't change them or help them anymore than tell them they need help. It's a personal journey. I have my own life to live. I have to take care of myself and my cat.

I wrote this for my love Seany. He's not just my love he's my best friend too. I will never be lonely because I have him, he's always in my heart.

This is about my autism and mental health.

This poem is for everyone who is dealing with struggles.

Red bull kills our dreams with it's caffeine overdose and too much over processed junk. It's a heartache in a can pretending to be a red bull that gives you wing's. Makes me wonder if the company is aware of the health risks. Why would they claim it grows you wing's if they don't understand the health risks? That hipper feeling is your dreams dieing they go weeee! Bye your heart goes pop! Bye! Should have had a water instead.