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amanda cooper Sep 2011
all of her fingers
and all of her toes
are as cold as ice.
"like my heart,"
she always liked to say.
but this girl is golden -
metal on the outside,
as soft as ever on the inside.
malleable and valuable.
like the gold leaf
on the edges of bibles -
something you always see
but never seem to appreciate.
always on the edge of
something useless.
like the side of this
empty bathtub,
filled with nothing but air.
trying to decide if she'll
drown herself in this silence.
wondering if the other side is ever
really better
or just another waste of time.
just something. 8/28/11.
amanda cooper May 2011
He swallows, hard.
Clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair.
She bites her lip and holds the tears in,
holds herself together.
A glimpse of silence, like cars under an overpass on a rainy day.
The calm before the downpour.
The eye of the storm.
What do you do when there's nothing left to say?
What do you say when there's nothing left to do?
5/18/11, with a line from 5/7/11.
amanda cooper Apr 2011
baby, won't you promise me forever?
baby, won't you stay by my side?
you have the prettiest eyes and i
never want to look away.
i know i promised you "never again."
and i know i spent more time on my knees than at your side.
but my eyes were filled with tears and i
couldn't keep my eyes off the ground.
well maybe forever was broken.
and maybe my side got scars.
but our eyes are locked in honesty
and they can't ever blink again.
but perhaps forever can be repaired.
and perhaps i fit by your side.
but our eyes are softer now,
and close just long enough to dream together.
just good enough, i suppose.
4/26/11.
amanda cooper Apr 2011
hush hush, sweet darling.
the neighbors could hear you tremble.
if only you'd cover your mouth with mine,
you might stay out of trouble.
grasp hands tight and
don't you dare let go,
and i'll make you beg for more.
4/11/11.
i don't particularly like this but i'm trying to write often. and particularly if the mood strikes me. for better or for worse, at least it's practice.
amanda cooper Apr 2011
don't cry, don't cry.
it'll all get better someday.
it's just ****.
possibly unfinished.
4/10/11.
amanda cooper Apr 2011
i walked down the stairs,
thought i glimpsed you
out of the corner of my eye.
of course it was you.
you grabbed my arm,
pulled me to you.
i wrapped my arms around you.
your hands slid around my waist.
why did i let go?

because i had to.
you had gone upstairs
to find me.
i had come downstairs
to avoid you.
i studied you closely.
the snake bites.
the black hat.
your pupils so big,
your eyes wide with wonder.
you were so excited to see me.
******* ****, why did you
look at me like that?
i miss you, ******* it.

i wanted to hold you.
run away with you.
wake up to you.
but i remembered that i had
let go of all of that.
you had been dead to me
for months.
then i remembered the heartbreak,
the wasted memories and the
kiss goodbye.
so i said goodbye,
and i watched you walk away.

i'm not in love with you,
i never have been.
but i love you dearly.
but love and hate have
a very thin line, and
honey, i may just love you too much.
5/7/2010.
edit: i will say, one year later, that everything you made me feel was a lie. to you, to myself.

"every line is about who i don't want to write about anymore."
amanda cooper Apr 2011
i cried for you today.
i cried because i miss you.
because i feel so, so terrible.
because i know that what happened
wasn't something you intended.
wasn't something you wanted.
but honestly, i have my own opinion of what happened.
but it isn't the same as yours.
i gave you the benefit of the doubt.
i just couldn't take it anymore.
when i said goodbye,
when i was angry,
things were said that i didn't understand.
things that you didn't either, i'm sure.
since then, i have done a lot of thinking.
since then, i have made my own conclusions
and made my decisions.
and i forgive you.
please, i know you don't understand what i mean but
please try to understand that i still love you.
still wish things didn't have to be this way.
still see you as innocent.
for everything i said, i'm sorry.
for what i won't say... i'm sorry, too.
i don't really know why i'm saying this right now.
i don't even want a response.

to be honest, i don't want you to read this.
that's really all i have to say.
9/14/10.
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