she's the kind of girl that reminds you
of summer in all the wrong ways -
of the pain in the sunburn,
or saying goodbye to what you love.
she's the kind of girl that you
need alcohol to love,
because only you know just how much
you want to forget her.
she's the kind of girl that makes you
choke back words like "****" and "failure"
for fear that one day
she might stop proving you right.
she's the kind of girl that makes you
punch your knuckles ****** against tile,
tear at hangnails,
or turn off your favorite songs.
she's the kind of girl that you have to
learn to let go of, because she sinks her teeth
so far under your skin
that it's hard to **** the poison out.

i'd give you my heart,
but i'm afraid you'd break it.
heart breakers break hearts, they say,
and you play your cards right.
see you took my heart off
that silver platter,
cut it in slivers and
as the rain pattered
against the windowsill
you handed it back,
with a note that simply read, "*******."

i could taste the hesitation on her lips.
i held her so soft,
kissed her so quietly.
the silence was heavy,
save for the shifting of our bodies
and the moans that slipped past our lips.
sometimes we're in so far over our heads
that we'll never find which is the real way out.
"the past is destined to repeat itself,"
i tell her.
"that only means that the leaves will die,
and you will leave again."
i shake my head,
but how can you promise someone forever
when it's just for tonight?
i tell her i love her
but we both know it isn't true.
anything to increase the body heat,
anything to melt the icy walls.
she'd never understand my
parasitic need for her.
just to hold her, just for tonight.
to taste something more than bland food
and smell more than the insides
of the four walls i see
every ******* morning.
i know she wonders why i come and go,
and i know she wonders why i chose her.
even those questions i can't answer.
whether it's those green eyes
or that crooked smile,
or just because i know she'll come back.
either way i'm sweating above her,
wondering if i should kiss her or
choke her.
poor pitiful thing,
sometimes i just want to put her out of her misery.
but for now,
we share the night
and the sighs
and the misery.

the church bell rang.
and that's when she saw it.
her tree was gone.
it rang again.
her loss was accompanied by a rush of silence.
only distant sounds of traffic.
a train.
accompanied again by a rush of memories.
one kiss, another's laugh.
fitting perfectly into the trunk,
feeling more comfort than ever before.
her heart inside of the tree's.

and she was left with nothing.

and she said,
"i live for things like that."
"i live for things like you,"
he replied.

your fingers twitch and you
know ****'s about to go down.
next your heart begins to beat
faster
and
faster
until it feels like it's about to take
flight.
it pounds it's way into your throat,
your stomach is in a knot.
and somehow, you're still standing
wide-eyed with knees locked.
his ****'s on your door step.
to know he was here,
it was just.
too much.
to think he was just mere inches
on the other side of a wooden
barricade,
but the miles between your hearts
could suffocate you.
so you drag it.
all of your **** he'd left behind
everything that reminded him of
the two of you.
backyard.
gasoline.
gasoline everywhere.
it all began, and ends,
with the flick of a zippo.
the lighting of a cigarette.
click, light, inhale, exhale.
repeat.
drop it.
run.

you always seem to find yourself
choking back words.
you'd rather choke by swallowing
your own tongue than admit the truth.
but jesus ******* christ,
you want to say those words
more than anything.
how you really feel.
what's really on your mind.
but society has taught you
that this is taboo.
if you pair "speaking your mind"
with politics,
you'll find yourself with
a bullet in your head.
but one day,
you'll go silent
from all the words
you'll never say.