I believe in indulgence
In fact, I support indulgence
Tired?
Tired-sugar. Tired-coffee.Tired-nap.
Hungry?
Hungry-junk food. Hungry-big portions. Hungry-dessert.

I believe in indulgence
In pursuing the senses gifted to us
even before birth
Be grateful. Make use. Indulge.

I believe in time
In taking time, wasting time
In letting time fly
Clocks may be contained to the restrictive circle
but they never stop running that course
Be grateful. Take time. Indulge.

I believe in laughter
in smiles and passion and bliss and
not hiding who you are
And indulgence

I believe in indulgence
In fact, I support it

I'm always pretending
It's the one part of youth I refuse to let go of
Holding on to it with the same grip which a child holds her mother's hand
Unaware of the firmness in my grasp

I pretend without realization
only to break suddenly from my fantasies and daydreams
In a confused daze that is reality
And wherever I may physically reside, my true home seems to be in my head

I pretend to be more than I am
I pretend to be more than I realistically can be
I pretend to be other people
To be someone I'm not

I'm always pretending
Always imagining, re-engineering, altering
I'm always pretending
and never accepting what's been given to me
Never accepting reality

My true heart, that is the heart of my true self
faces a constant and ever-present fear
Not an earth-shattering fear
Nor a fear which induces trembles and quakes
But a fear far milder although far worse in its constant presence

My true heart, that of my true self fears people
People are hardly a reason for anxiety. I know.
I'm a person myself.
Yet their presence, their interest, their kindness
causes me to shrink back
causes me to retreat
causes me to freeze, paralyzed

My greatest hope, my true plea
is that I'll be ignored
To live in solitude and anonymity
To never be noticed

Then the taunting face of contradiction haunts me
As I fight for attention
and I wish for the greatest recognition
To be something and to be someone
but to do so in privacy
is the desire of my true heart, that of my true self

Girls
Everyone has an opinion
The mothers, the fathers, the feminists and misogynists
Everyone has something to say
and will spend hours doing so without a moment's hesitation
Girls
Worth the discussion
Worth the hours of endless theories, ideologies and “proof”
Girls
Have a million songs
both praising and ridiculing in their melodic tensions
that the plain eye may not catch
Girls
They have endless quotes to describe their entity
in its purest form
Just in case they didn't know
what they were made of
Girls
are expected to be so many things
Divas, Heroines, Princesses, Goddesses
*****, *******, Primadonnas, ******
Girls
have laws made about them
enforced by themselves
in the cruelest irony
Have numerous codes to live by
Contradictory codes to live by
Girls
Worth the discussion
Worth these hours
Deny us not our femininity
The special something we possess
But exclude us not from humanity
For it is only equality that we request

I was inspired by characters
By those either too perfect or too flawed to actually exist
By those people who either were or were not
and either wanted or did not want to be
I was inspired by characters
I always have been
They taught me and I learned
They showed me and so I became
I made myself a promise
I saw the pain that could be mine
Etched on the faces of others
So I resolved to put myself first
Always
I made myself a promise
Thrill rushed through me
I was strong, I was brave
They told me that much
I made myself a promise
Marking the progress along the way, consumed with self pride
I sat and watched and thought
Assaulted by the contrasts between me and them
I made myself a promise
One that would secure happiness
And yet
No one else seemed to make a promise such as mine
My promise has been left alone

I don't know just where I am
And I'm not sure just where I stand
on things like life and romance
I have some puzzles left to solve
So many questions I want to be resolved
But I know
I want to live in this pretty blue barn
I want to live with someone, to live in their arms
I want to live in this pretty blue barn
with all my paintings on the wall
So many shades are all wrapped into one
These open windows will let in the sun
The future sits on the horizon, reminiscent of a sunset
One of the most beautiful things that I've seen yet
It offers clarity without restrictions
I don't need prescription glasses to have a vision
And I want to live in this pretty blue barn
I want to live with someone, to live in their arms
I want to live in this pretty blue barn
with all my paintings on the wall
I can see you standing in my doorway
I can see you walking up the stairs
Your bright smile can decorate the front room
Your laughter echoed across the halls
Do you want to live in this pretty blue barn?
To live with me and to live in my arms?
Can't you see me living in this blue barn
with all my paintings on the wall
Let me hang my paintings on our wall

Careful, Love
Trust may exist but there are other obstacles at play here
And how exactly does faith compare to fate
Perhaps we'll never know
But someone's going to have to place a bet

Careful, Love
I may prove to be detrimental to your health
But I just can't seem to help myself
And there you are waiting to be that hero
Who knows maybe the cape and masked life suit you

Careful, Love
No one can support you quite like yourself
You are the key, use it
but careful, love
Don't slam the door in my face
If I am welcoming you with freshly baked cookies

Careful, Love
Move with focus and drive but not haste
I want to see you gracefully walking the tightrope
not stumbling over mere pebbles
And although I can pretend
I am not destiny
Not yours and not mine
Love, it is your choice
to live boldly
or to hold the cards close to your chest
Be careful love
but not timid