I feel,
inadequate.
For you see in my last relationship I was smothered,
suffocated,
bombarded with confections of love.
And I hated it.
I needed to breath,
and spread my wings,
so I left.
However now everything is much more...
subtle,
comparatively.
Now I text to much,
I ask for your attention to much,
I take up to much of your time.
And though, though are all lies,
sometimes,
I can't help but feel ,
inadequate.
My self loathing thoughts creep in,
more like they rush in,
flooding my brain,
downing in sorrows I can not share.
Simply because I don't want to take up more of your time,
you had no idea what you were in for when we started this,
you didn't know that what you were getting,
I,
was,
am,
damaged.
I'm afraid,
for I have found a solace in you that only my closest friends have given me before,
and I don't want to loose that,
us.
I need to think differently,
positively,
look up,
cheer up,
for it's not like this is the first time mental illness has effect you,
me.
At least you have someone "special."
But you see I have always had special people in my life,
this one just has not been around long enough,
for me to know,
that they will stay,
if you will stay.
Or leave me broken,
more broken,
but not alone,
never alone.