"I would **** for a pause button."
He says as we lay together reflecting on our lives.
"Just to be able to take some time off,
evory day just feels the same and I'm drowning in it,"

and as much as I related,
as much as I would be tempted to push that button if given the chance,
I don't.

For our lives are made in the mundane,
our lives really exist between the extraordinary.
When we look back on our days once lived we don't long for the days of excitement,
though we may look back on them fondly,
we dream of our old patterns.

The days we knew what laid ahead,
the days that weave together into a tapestry of life.

The days we sat in class with notes,
and friends.

We truly exist,
and find ourselves,
in the routines,
that we build.

So please appreciate your richuals,
love your moments of calm,
revel in your hours of knowing where you are and who you're with,
for now it may seem eternal,
but even life itself is fleeting.

Emotions come and go,
a falling feeling in my stomach,
reminds me,
I'm looking the battle.
I scratch,
and search frantically,
I must gain control.
I will not start over,
after all my progress,
I refuse to start over.
But the waves keep crashing,
and I am sinking.

The tightness in your chest,
like a black hole is forming,
******* up every emotion,
except fear.
Then the shaking,
like an earthquake going down your spine,
you try to gain control,
but there is nothing you can do but wait.
Panic,
as the tears start rushing,
and you just want to be held,
but you must not be a burden.
You're too much work,
you're too much time,
you're trying to control his life.
You can see the red flags forming around you,
and if you were someone else,
who saw you,
you would run,
and so will he,
eventually.
I must not be a burden.
I must not be a burden.
I must not be a burden.
Everything closing in,
you lose control of your own body,
you crave the comfort of another,
but crave more to not be a strain.
Your making their life more difficult.
You just want to curl on the floor,
and let it all out,
all of the tears,
and emotions,
but you can't.
You know any minute someone is going to walk through your door,
so you must stay composed,
no matter how much it would help you now to have them,
letting loose could cause you to lose them forever.
Stay strong.
Just stay strong.
You beg to yourself not to make your pain visabul,
but you just want to be held.
Stay strong.
Just stay strong.