Momma was born a hip hop head
She'd whisper beats and rhymes to me right before bed
She gave me my words when i was four
from then on i thought i needed nothing more
And for as long as i could remember
or at least since the 24th of September
She spited dad
promised me she'd always give me all that she had
Wasn't long until she broke it
2 years since we've spoken
but we manage
Momma checked out
left me and my siblings behind
left me alone to make sense of the world with half of her mind
And so here i am now
ripped from my bed
An old beat drew me to write about the love that's dead
12:39 am

When a poet can no longer
find their words;
Please give them a hug...
Understand that the loss of words,
is a loss of true love.

When a poet Can no longer find their
ink;
Don't leave them alone in their mind
What to do with a paralyzed pen
Living in a world unkind
There is no drain to an ocean
to deplete this sea of thought
please hold this dysfunctional poet
Whose feelings have been
Bartered and bought

I was told that if I was the kind of woman, men liked to look at,
I could let them look at me.
And I was told that if I was the kind of woman, men liked to touch,
I could let them touch me .
I was promised that if I can clean up after messes that were  not my own, learn to cook, and mother a man's inner child,
I could become the woman men liked to provide for.
Men appreciate the women that know when to speak
,guess that's why I don't even know what I'm saying half the time
Men need a woman who can guarantee silence while he grumbles about his day
I didn't know I was to marry a broken record
The look I get from my grandmother when I tell her that marriage is not exactly in my life's itinerary, Is the exact same look 14 year old Alyssa got when she came home with a pierced septum
Us girls are brought up to believe that a happy life is made up of 3 components ...
Husband
Kids
and a part time job
There is a reason Slave is not a synonym for wife
And woman does not equal *wife

Ruby rises at dawn
With a sigh and a yawn
And a dream lingers on
In her dream she’s a swan

With a cloud over head
Ruby swims out of bed
She removes from her hair
Monsters made out of air
And she screams with no sound
As her feet touch the ground

She’ll be a morning shadow
With the sun that rises
She dematerializes

Ruby rise at dawn
With a sigh and a yawn
And you search for a trace
But there’s none in her face
Of the thoughts that she keeps
They are lost in her sleep

I feel like my head is being held under water right now
except drowning in a sea of narcissism is a lot more dangerous
than drowning in water.
water doesn't say she loves you before she swallows every living thing inside of you whole.
One minute you're born miserably the next, it's almost over,
Life I mean    
I have always been in control;
just never of my own life.
It was always,
"Sit pretty, keep your mouth shut, and so help me god don't even breathe funny"
I have NEVER even dreamed of talking to my mother about any boy
Boyfriend? what's that?
Do you have any idea what kind of HELL this hormonal teenage girl was put through? Growing up with all kinds of teenage boys that were into the girls with endless attitude? The same Not-So-Little boys who learned that the phrase, "I need you." could earn them a spot in between
Not-So-Little girls sheets... you know? When Their mammas were too faded to even find out? Don't worry about daddy, he's nowhere to be found.
Growing up, all the wrong boys asked all the right questions. She always said "yes" just because she was raised to say no.
She was only 13 when she left home. Mamma was 16. only a year later, Mamma was pregnant with a failed ******. But the Not-So-Little girl, well she was busy picking up the pieces for the other three little hearts, running around outside of her chest. the same little hearts that were born into a big house with an empty fridge, The same fridge that this Not-So-Little girl had to fill while doing homework on her lunch breaks. So yes. I do get offended when Great aunt lotus says....
*You are so much like your mother.

You've betrayed the girl with a heavy hatred for change