i am finally getting used to
the absence
of
you

I don't want you (wrapped around my finger).

people bastardize the dandelion
and say its just a nasty ****
but it brightens up your yard
so with you, i plead
do not fret about the dandelions
when they overtake your land
their wispy little seeds
are really wishes in your hand
how many dandelion bouquets
will it take
for you to see
that little yellow flower
is best
if just
let
be.

I shouldn't have cared
but you weren't there
I searched into the crowd
but you were nowhere to be found
and I even reminded you
I don't even know why I bothered
to believe you would come
because you've never been there before
my bad, I'll remember that ...
next time.

what is it
that I am even holding onto
anymore?

Undeserving
Is how I would describe
Your love for me
And not because I don’t deserve to be loved
And not because I don’t deserve to be loved by you
But because
You love me even in the moments
Where I don’t show appreciation
When I’m rude
Or tired
Or snappy
Or selfish
I’m not always apologetic
I’m blunt
And I don’t always know how to show you
That I truly
Am so
In love with you
You brighten up my life
Bring a smile to my face so easily
I share so much with you
So much of the good
And probably too much of the bad
You are goofy
And fiercely loving
You warm my heart
Like no one else has ever
Done before
Never do I feel safer
Or more loved
Or happier
Than when I’m by your side
So I am sorry for not
Always being the easiest person to love
And thank you for loving me
Anyways.

Some days I'm on top of the world
and other days
I'm afraid of heights.

You were always
a mystery to me
that is what kept me hooked
you never let me get close enough
to figure out just what makes you tick
every time we got too close
you shut me out again
built up your walls so high
and i can't say i didn't try
to climb them or break them down
each time i tried i fell and got hurt
its different now that you just aren't around
you're not like others where i got closure
you just disappeared
fell flat off the **** earth
now you haunt me
and i've tried
to find you over
and over again
its as if you don't exist
or as if you only exist as a ghost
reminding me
that when you held me
it was always at arms length
and all i want
is just a little closure
but all i've got
is a ghost of
the person i thought
you might have been.

If you think
that you know me
you're probably
wrong
I don't
say                              
a lot                
of things.

Life seems to consume very part of me
All of the creativity that used to pour out of me like lava
is now dormant
Always there just beneath the surface
Just waiting to burst out
In a volcanic eruption
Or maybe it’s just that I don’t make time
I let time slip away
I’m hungry for the urge to create again
Where is my muse
How do I wake the burst waiting to come out of me
When I am dragged down
By the monotony of
Every day life.

It seems so easy to lose yourself
In so many different ways
You can lose yourself
In a book
In writing
In a hobby
Or you can lose yourself
To your guilt
To meaningless time *****
To the media
No longer do I want to lose myself
In things that don't fill me
With love
With light
With joy
I want to ignite
To write
To be passionate
Not passive
I do not want to be a passive participant in life
Distracted by the lighting of my phone
So easy to miss out when
You're worrying about everything you might miss out on through a screen

It's hard to get used to sleeping in new places
At home all of the little noises are familiar
A sweet lullaby to ease me into dreamland
Here, the noises are foreign
They are obtrusive and unwelcoming
And I find myself laying here
Exhausted but unable to rest
Brain scrambled and heart a mess
I know that soon
These noises too will become familiar
But tonight I'm missing home.

Sometimes I become so consumed with life
that I forget to embrace my release
I keep consuming more and more
but forgetting that there needs to be a balance
intake
release
one should not simply be a consumer of the world
but also a producer
in a culture of consumerism
i have forgotten how to
be my own producer
my own director
and most importantly
my own writer.

it's time
to remember the things
that help me to breathe better air
in a life that can be so
suffocating
lived most of my life with asthma
yet i still refuse to remember my inhaler
pretending i can breathe just as well
as the person next to me
but losing breath trying to keep up
i have never been ashamed
of stopping to catch my breath
but i have forgotten recently
to slow down
to take things at a pace that doesn't keep me
gasping for air
taking
small
breathers
in between the



long stretches
but need to take time to actually rest
time to be still and breathe deeply
when life is going at the speed of light
i need to remember
to bring my inhaler.

I am an ocean
Restless, vast, constantly moving
Rarely ever
Settled
Wave after wave
Crashing constantly
Even in my stillness I'm unsettled

So much living within
Beneath the surface
I am bursting with life
Waiting to be explored
Theres much I have yet
To even discover

Danger lies within
Ready to be stirred
Be cautious
My heart, the eye of the storm
Known to leave destruction in its wake

Somehow
You manage to calm the storms within
Storms turn less destructive and give life
To beauty
You awaken in me light and laughter
You are my blue sky, my ray of sunshine
Together we make a beautiful summer day.