we all carry sadness
differently
some people carry it in their eyes
some carry it in their heart
i carry mine
in my stomach
and
i don't feel well tonight.

and i know that it's not your fault
that depression takes its toll
and it weighs heavy on your shoulders
but the space between us hurts
i know that your instinct is to
push me away
and shut me out
when things get rough
but i will still be here
wherever you need me to be
because i am not just in it
because of what you have to offer me
i am in it because i think..
i think that i might
have something to offer
and that's why i'm here
offering to just lie next to you
and listen to records
because you don't always feel like talking
i'm here for when you feel like talking
for reassurance and
a warm hug
because sometimes the only thing
that kills loneliness is being wrapped in
someone else's arms
i'm here to make you laugh
and lend you a smile
when that's the last thing you want to do
so know
that i will be here for you
no matter what you decide
if you want distance
even if it stings a little
i will offer you distance
i am not worried
about what it might cost me
because whatever i have to offer you
might just be worth it.

this lack of communication
is leaving me wondering even more
it's not even that we're dancing
around the subject
we're at a stalemate
silence
i would rather the alternative
because at least then i would have
noise to distract me from
the bustle of my busy mind
running in every which direction
trying to find
where we stand
we weren't standing
when you kissed me
we were on your floor
listening to records
reading comics
and then everything stopped
when you kissed me,
all except my mind
which was racing
and my heart which was pounding
wondering if you kissed me
just because you were intoxicated
or because being intoxicated gave you
the little bit of courage needed
to close the gap between my lips and yours
or in that moment was there clarity?
because it really isn't clear to me
and i guess in a bit we'll see
where we stand
for now i sit in
the chaos of my curious mind
wishing i had even a clue
of where to go
from here.

sitting in silent confusion
lost in my mind again
lost my mind again
sitting silently
again
confused.

We had our first kiss
when you were intoxicated
now I'm intoxicated and
wishing that
there was a second kiss
not sure which is more intoxicating,
you
or the shots
I took with my friends
but I'm willing to take a shot on you
not sure where to go from here
home never seems far away
when I'm with you,
828 miles away
but you bring me back home
with each piece of snail mail you send me
every letter of the alphabet
sounds so much better
when it comes from your lips
and I'd prefer if your lips were touching
mine

it's your birthday
and i didn't even think about you once today
it's your birthday
and i didn't even remember
i forgot
like you forgot
me
and my birthday
didn't remember till someone else
told me
and it occurred to me today
that i don't think about you
not even on special occasions
I.E :your birthday.

Feeling indefinite
feelings indefinite
my feelings aren't definite
i'm feeling definite?
definitely in love with you?
but it isn't definite..
i don't know if that's how you define it
i am indefinite
searching for definite
definition: clearly stated or decided; not vague or doubtful
definitely trying to define it
i have love for you
but whether or not i'm in love with you
is indefinite.