Lately I get the feeling I’ve always been colored blue
The difference is now that the world around me is changing colors
I used to fit in the space
Only because it wasn’t as jagged as it is now
I am rigid and the change is dizzying

my anchors are scared about the way every small wave nearly overwhelms me

my balance is off and I usually fall flat onto a bed for days on end

these are excuses in mirrors
fitting a square peg in a round hole

why do we do this?
i love you
when you pull in the other direction
my heart chases you
ive got something eternal
calling out for you

Realign your stars with me--
Reorder your universe, centering
us in the middle.

when my mind is flooding out
im scared thoughts cant all be said

that these ephemera saved
should be ephemera dead
i hide them here

living past expiration date
ghosts wandering out of reach
looking back becomes much more clear
like an abstraction you drew

the longer i stare the more detail stands out
circles made from a billion small lines

sturdy roof on home sweet home
protects from rain
protects from snow
so i thought the roof
enabled bad habits
i thought the walls
bent to my gloom
no
houses may creak
the floorboards moan
but i am accountable for choices
and i have no one to blame
not roof
not walls
especially so
the people who make me feel at home

you are resplendent light bounding across the gap between us
driving straight through the holes in my character
summoning my wicked shadow
at times ripping through my body like bullets
the speed of light
and speed of love
are increments faster than stinging words
for everything i am
it never feels like enough

me
familiar with the way i pity myself
i have to wonder if im wrong
if i really am the person im told about
and if i should dam the river my mouth is
so worried all else would cease flowing