That girl over there isn't clean
but not in the way that you'd expect

yes, she showers on the daily
yes, she brushes her teeth in the morning
yes, she wears a clean set of clothes every day--

but if you take the time
to look her in the eyes
and possibly even care enough
to try to see through her lies of
"I'm alright, I'm just tired"
and "Sorry, it's just one of those days"
you'd see that the way she pulls down her sleeves
and makes the excuse that she's "just cold"
is really a defense mechanism.

You see, that girl really isn't clean
and she hasn't been since just a few days ago

and all the dirt
all the filth
that covers her body
covers her thoughts
lies in the places that you can't see--
the places she doesn't let you see.

Do I ever cross your mind in the wee hours of the night
when all you can do is let your thoughts wander
as your consciousness refuses to drift away?

Do you ever just dream of holding me in your arms
and whispering sweet nothings into my ears
as I cling onto you like a life line?

Do we ever just randomly
look at each other fleetingly

and do you ever just wish that
I would tell you what's bugging me
although you already know
that my silence speaks louder
than my words ever will?

I think of you at 2:13 in the morning
when my eyes are drooping closed
and my fists are curled into my sheets.

I yearn to wrap my arms around you
and lean my head against your shoulder
and rub circles into your back with my thumbs
as you let out the breath
you hadn't even known you were holding.

I glance your way more times in a day
than I would ever admit to

and when you play with your sleeves
while your eyes wander around the space
and I can practically hear the gears turning in your head
all I want to say
is a simple,
"tell me"

You were a breath of fresh air.

I took you in deeply;
got lost in the sensations that you gave:
happiness,
relaxation,
serenity.

You cleansed my thoughts of every unclean feeling,
and I wanted to hold on to you forever--
but all you wished for was to leave.
All you yearned for was to be free.

You were a breath of fresh air.

And now,
it's time for me to exhale.