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Feb 2014 · 650
making sense is senseless
Alicia Feb 2014
heavy eyes
      treating the blue skies
as their demise
        a lot like a knife
taking a life
        of something not alive
Feb 2014 · 431
Silent Cries
Alicia Feb 2014
Sit there silent but you want to scream
you're pouring your drink past the brim and it's bound to spill
you spill more than you poured ending up more than empty
you tried to keep the lid on for too long
And now you're bad you're going worse than ever
And you're leaking
a never ending dripping sensation of emptiness
But how can you be empty when you're dripping of a feeling worse than emptiness itself
Feb 2014 · 798
strangers
Alicia Feb 2014
Now we're both strangers in our old lovers body
Full of forgotten conversation and that thought in the back of our heads
Because I know your mask is slipping and we both want to bring up past memories
But our tounge leaves them on the tip to be a sudden reminder that we can't shake
But we do shake it just like we shake hands and a lot like how our bodies use to shake
And then we walk along feeling more pain than the first time we said goodbye
Jan 2014 · 491
head under the covers
Alicia Jan 2014
Midnight and my heads under the covers
Typing away
Hiding the light of this cracked screen
Hiding the light in my words
He can't know I'm happy
but my words spew out
Because I went from the glass being empty
to my core being full
of a feeling that scares the **** out of me
It scares my skin
And my goose bumps don't come up
just because I'm cold
My body doesnt know how to react
So I cry
being the only thing I've ever known how to do
But to cry you have to breathe
So that means I'm still alive
And I remind myself that these tears
aren't an over flow anymore
they're tears of joy
And I never really thought that was a real thing
But I didn't think love was a real thing either
well I didn't think it was real for me
Because I use to think breaths weren't meant for me
but now I think you're meant for me
And I've never trusted a thought of mine
more than I do now
Jan 2014 · 635
Untitled
Alicia Jan 2014
don't tell me its going to be okay
i know your simple mind
can't grasp he fact that i can feel worthless
without feeling at all
& i'm sorry i didn't hear how your day went today
because my thoughts are screaming a me
but in all fairness
zquill is helping me more than you are at this point
Jan 2014 · 855
Delete
Alicia Jan 2014
my mind over takes the words you spew at me
analyzing and filing each one into the neglected recycle bin
                                          click
             ­                                        delete
                                           click
                                                      delet­e
taking me over it engulfs the thought of company
and replaces it with pity
because your  words dont catch my attention
and the little voice that keeps me company doesn't notice you either
your words making me feel even more alone than loneliness itself
you lack passion in your tone and curiosity in your thoughts
and even though the skin covering my body may miss you
my mind has pressed delete
Jan 2014 · 2.2k
chocolate ice cream
Alicia Jan 2014
I find both the comfort and discomfort in a bowl of chocolate ice cream
How I long for an empty stomach
Yet the distinct hint of coco butter seems to go straight to my heart
In every metaphorical way it possibly could
a.m
Jan 2014 · 703
insane
Alicia Jan 2014
The silence is killing me
I'm going insane
Make a noise, save me
Bring back the rain
I can't take the quiet
it's driving me mad
Shout at me, screech at me
till your lungs go bad
The darkness is scaring me
its making me shake
Shine a light, make it bright
before my eyes start to ache
My pupils are growing
at a dangerous speed
Larger and larger
they take over me  
But in place the silence
takes over
and the darkness seems
to grow
You couldn't save my body
I've already fallen below
a.m.
Jan 2014 · 590
Untitled
Alicia Jan 2014
It's like a game
You steal my happiness
I throw mine in your face
You steal it once again
We play tug 'o' war
But now you're running away
With my happiness
& without me all together
Dec 2013 · 295
Untitled
Alicia Dec 2013
It's tough when the only inspiration you thought you had, is broken too
Dec 2013 · 465
mind of their own
Alicia Dec 2013
not able to think
but able to write
because my fingers are working
while my brain is sleeping
but "your brain never stops"
that's what I thought
until my mind went blank
and my hands didn't stop
adapting a mind of their own
contantly writing
without thinking
because my mind is numb
and I am dead
but my hands are alive
typing and writing
not sure where my mind went
but my hands
they're telling my story
without  my consent
without my consciousness
without a breath between words
or thoughts
because my thoughts are gone
and now belong to my hands
and I am gone
but I still stand
with my body numb
and my mind blank
while my hands carry on
shes gone, written by her hands
Dec 2013 · 691
this poem sucks
Alicia Dec 2013
Lets take a seat on cloud
Because that's were my heads at anyways
You know you have me soaring
When you talk to me in all the right ways
Don't get me wrong, you know wrong too
But I seem to block that out
Because when I'm in the sky, I only see you
And for once I have everything figured out
So take my hand and we'll jump to the ground
And have a picnic on the Earth
Then your touch will fly me to outer space
Which is the feeling I crave worst
Because while you're gone , trust me I don't forget
How it feels to be loved
And sometimes ,even my thoughts
Can take me up above
Dec 2013 · 263
Untitled
Alicia Dec 2013
In all reality my broken wing isn't what's keeping me from flying , it's the idea of flying in general
Dec 2013 · 442
Lonely Exit Sign
Alicia Dec 2013
Finding the beauty
in a
lonely
exit sign
Taking me
Pulling me
With
Soft
Sweet
Words
Spoken through
The road
Dec 2013 · 329
It's me
Alicia Dec 2013
It's broken
throw it away
It's dead
Bury it
It's  hurt
it's no  good
It's odd
get rid of it
It's weak
it's no use
Now
I can only
think
What're you
going to do
with me
because
I am all
of these
things

a.m.
Dec 2013 · 785
Toes off a Cliff
Alicia Dec 2013
Open my door and open my mind
I take a second and go back in time
I go back to when, I didn't know you
Go back to when sad wasn't just blue
It was clear and it was real and it lingered in my air
It didn't take a breath, it only took your stare
To remind me of why my pillow was wet
Back to the times when a smirk was a threat
When days would drag on, while I was with him
They weren't really days because light was so dim
He tore me apart like junk mail on Saturdays
Scared me and bruised me, then begged me to stay
That's when you found me with my toes off a cliff
You took my hand, and gave me a kiss
A kiss that would heal, more than the pills
A kiss that seems to walk along with me still
Because when I wake up in the middle of the night
I remember you're there, holding me tight
But it's when I start to close my eyes
& go back to when, dark was a time
& light was a thing I didn't know of
When a hug from you was the same as a shove
& it brings me back to my toes off a cliff
& my heart starts to shake and my body gets stiff
But behind my eyelids, I decide to fall
Hoping my memories will fall along with it all
a.m.
this was about a dumb boy, now it's relevant for a different dumb boy
Dec 2013 · 1.2k
material love
Alicia Dec 2013
Hand me another gift sweetheat
How sincere
I adore the idea of materializing our love
Or is it even love
Or lust
Or anything but lonliness
Because I don't like cold sheets
& neither do you
But I think we both know
The sheets are always cold
Cold with the thought
That maybe it's not the sheets
It's us*
a.m.
Dec 2013 · 538
make up our made up love
Alicia Dec 2013
Fake a smile for me please
Because my cheeks are getting sore
Just let me rest a while
Until you walk out that door
Babe I can't really take it
You know how wrong you are
If you don't have an apology, fake it
And then you can take the car
Make love to me for one last night
And maybe it'll spark a fuze
Maybe it'll make your **** up right
And maybe, again, I'll love you
a.m.
Dec 2013 · 384
Tell me baby
Alicia Dec 2013
Tell me baby do you love her
Because let go of my hand if you do
Don't tell me baby that you love me
Because I can see it in your eyes, I lost you
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 217
Untitled
Alicia Nov 2013
& right then she tore those pages out of the past & started to write again
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 386
Untitled
Alicia Nov 2013
she let out a sigh that lingered through the air & shattered the atmosphere like broken glass*
a.m.
Alicia Nov 2013
To my first love:
     & you were just that. You were the steps that taught me how to walk, but the same ones that taught me how to fall. You were my first kiss, my first shared breath, and my first broken heart. See, you were full of firsts and experiments,but that's all you were , an experiment.
To my next love:
     You were the summer sun, and I was a naive daisy that was star struck by your rays that made me feel alive. Because you, love number two, made our age difference, make me feel like I was on top of the world. With each 'c'mon baby' or 'why not' I fell deeper and deeper into your persistent persuasion.  I was not yet blossomed to my full potential, yet you insisted perfection. And a girl of my maturity would choose starvation over loneliness anyday.
To "Lucky" number three:
     I mean, 3rd times a charm right? That's what I thought too. I thought you were my super hero that was going to heal my bruises (Inside & Out). Don't get me wrong, you did for a while, with your sweet words and innocent looks. But my broken eyes didn't let me see that same look, wasn't just for me. I wasn't enough, I never was. I was enough to quench your thirst, but soon enough my taste became too bland. I mean, who in their right mind would want someone so damaged. Not before long you tossed me like a broken toy, considering that's all I ever really was to you.
To my current love:**
     I don't want you to be just my current love, I want you to be my forever love. I want you to adore my corny idea of love and my dark realizations of life.It's not even that I want you to love me, it's that I need you to love me. I need a security guard to save me from my worst enemy, myself. So to my current love, hold my hand when you see my empty stare and my empty tummy, and tell me it's going to be okay. Make me feel beautiful, forever, because I can't do it on my own.
a.m.
Alicia Nov 2013
Sometimes I wish the monsters underneath my  bed
would come out and creep and crawl
and scare away the monsters in my head
Because sharp teeth and horns
are nothing compared to my thoughts
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 2.0k
lust
Alicia Nov 2013
it's like those dreams when you're falling off a cliff but with your eyes open*
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 685
short
Alicia Nov 2013
Writing short
  To resemble
My short breaths
  And short thoughts
Short of hope
  Short of everything
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 346
...
Alicia Nov 2013
...
I was lost in a storm of emotion  feeding my corrupted thoughts with shouts and shreaks of reality i've been hiding from for so long*
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 528
Sudden Realization
Alicia Nov 2013
& thats when  realized I never really grew up
Im the same confused little girl
Just now a band-aide and a popsicle
isn't going to heal me
It's going to take a mended heart
& forgotten memories
to fix the scars
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 1.3k
"Good Girl"
Alicia Nov 2013
Go ahead
Throw your knees on the ground
Fold your hands in your lap
and tell me when your prayers
fix your wicked life
and maybe your god above
will send you a wakeup call
That the evil in your eyes
and the hatred in your words
isn't so saint like now is it
So tell me again
Is that cross on your neck
going to make you decide
not to gun down my confidence tomorrow?
Or is it really just a mask
to hide your cynical intent
Because a girl with good "faith"
can be nothing but good right?
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 924
Use a New Perspective
Alicia Nov 2013
You get high to create a new reality of this **** you call life
You get money anyway you can because you need cash to fuel your addiction
You get angry because you get caught and your new found reality gets torn to pieces
You feel suffocated because the only way you know how to breathe is through smoke
You grow depressed because the only company you had was your broken thoughts
But sometimes it's not only you that gets affected
While you get high, the ones closest to you become confused
While you sell and steal, your little sister wonders why her mommys ring is in your drawer
While you get angry your mom gets scared because she just lost her little boy
While you  grow depressed your parents grow apart because they feel like they've failed
While you ruin your life
you ruin everyone else
you smash and break and scrape
and you bring every one down to where you are
because if you think your restless nights and paranoia is bad
think about what everyone else goes through
just so you can ease your pain with a temporary healer
your parents feel like failiers
your siblings feel so lost and unprotected
and you
you feel bad for yourself because you lost your high
because with withdrawal it brings selfishness
and you feel like you're going crazy
well try losing your mind
because you failed at the one job you had
just take a minute
look at it through something other than than self pity
use a new perspective
maybe just use some heart
because when you lost yourself
you lost everyone around you too
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 232
Untitled
Alicia Nov 2013
You learn that you're not worth the goodbye he gave you
You're not even worth the tears you gave yourself
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 354
Lost Soul
Alicia Nov 2013
When your own soul gives up on you,
you know there's truly no one left
Some will describe it as empty,
I describe it like a tree in the fall time
The tree has leaves, and the leaves are a part of the tree
Now slowly the tree loses their leaves no matter how hard it might try to hold on
One bye one or two by two, a leaf falls,
and that tree loses what makes it, what it is
The only difference between a tree and its leaves,
and a body and it's soul
is that the tree can grow its leaves back
once your body has emptied its soul, it is lost
You are lost
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 696
I am
Alicia Nov 2013
I am four
I am my first lost tooth
I am based on positivity
while lacking creativity
I am four
& I am not me yet
I am eight
I am a jump rope in the driveway
I am learning
but not worrying
I am eight
& I am not me yet
I am twelve
I am no longer tiny
I am the hush whisper of names
Names I don't know the meaning of yet
I am twelve
& I am becoming me
I am thirteen
I am the latest fad
I am losing myself
more & more each day
I am thirteen
& I am searching for me
I am fifteen
I am a broken heart
I am a fake smile
painted on the surface
I am no longer good enough
I am alone in my own mind
But not on the outside
On the outside
I am a friend
I am happy
I am a leader to those
that  choose to follow
But on the inside
I am trapped
I am being swallowed by
my endless thoughts
I am fifteen
& I have lost myself completely
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 425
Midnight
Alicia Nov 2013
Its midnight again
You count
It's the twelfth midnight you've spent like this
Because you cant seem to remember what the back of your eyelids look like at this time
But you remember too well how it feels for them to be soaked
You remember time before you started counting
When your midnights were spent intertwined in the sheets
Sharing midnight with your lover
But now its the twelfth midnight you've spent under cold sheets
In a cold room
With cold thoughts of the chance of a thirteenth midnight
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 218
Untitled
Alicia Nov 2013
Because you shouldnt be scared when you wake up shaking in tears
You should be scared when the tears no longer flow and you're nothing but numb
a.m.
Nov 2013 · 477
1:43am
Alicia Nov 2013
Because the truth comes out when you sit there
Wrapped up in your blanket
Staring at your screen talking about what once was
Because at 1:43am you don't worry about what's going on tomorrow
Or what happened yesterday
At 1:43 am you remember what it use to be like
You remember what you seem to crave
And the feeling comes back
And you try to push it away
But at 1:43am feelings don't get pushed away
They become remembered memories
And they swallow you whole
They take you back to places you've tired so hard to forget
Holes you've dug yourself out of
But at 1:43am you find way to fall back into that hole
And you're trapped
Because  at 1:43 am you're to weak to dig yourself out again
And 1:43am is where it begins
a.m.
Alicia Oct 2013
Today I talked to the sky
& the sky talked back to me
I took a seat on a cloud
& asked the sky what it sees
The sky replied with a sigh
For this question seemed to sadden it
I asked the sky, "Why the sigh?"
& it replied with this:
"See I've been here for quite a while
watching my world change
But lately I have not been pleased
With this new found age
Now wait, let me think
Displeased is not what I mean
What I think I'm trying to say is
I'm confused at what I see
I see the land connected
yet there's these unseen boundaries
& why do you use bombs
To make peace between these countries
Why when I protect you
I get poisend in return
Why some live in luxery
& food to live is what others yearn
So if that answers your question
On what I seem to see
I hope you open up your mind
& start to think like me"
Right then I fell from that cloud
& back into my bed
I opened up my tired eyes
& a thought ran through my head
It only takes one person
to start a chain event
it takes but just one mind
to pass on what the sky had meant
Oct 2013 · 649
my addiction
Alicia Oct 2013
I was addicted to something much worse than drugs
I was addicted to you
& I was in so deep, there was no escaping
& the rehab you called rebounds were always temperary
because getting clean from you  was always followed by a relapse
It started with a hit & then I was back
because my skin craved you like a smoker craves nicotine
But there's no patches or pills to save me from falling in love with something
So dangerous
Because it's just a matter of time till my blood runs out of what it needs to work my heart
the wrong way, also known as the only way I know
& I end up needing every ounce of you back in my system
Alicia Oct 2013
When I see a new face I take their look
Their expression
Their posture
Their eyes
& use them to write a story
Creating a life in which I think they live
While my mind wanders, contemplating their experiences I make up for them
The second  hardest part is not knowing if I am ever close
If I tell their story correctly
If I read their eyes right
Read their look right
The hardest part is not knowing if
Their look or expression is in all reality a cry for help
A cry hoping that only a wandering mind can save them
Oct 2013 · 634
Stoy of a broken girl
Alicia Oct 2013
The taste of your lips was almost as good as the last sip at the  bottom of the bottle
But the difference is I can forget that
Your words were almost as sweet as the coating on my pills
But atleast those were there to make me better
Your look was almost as bright as the sunrise
But I still see that daily
And your goodbye was almost as great as the scars
Both of which I feel forever
Sep 2013 · 228
Untitled
Alicia Sep 2013
When my heart seems to break
I see my paper gets more takes
I pour out all that empty space
&  put it in a different place
But should I trade my happiness
To change my writing for the best
Or should I take my broken smile
& maybe just wait a while
Should I hurt what I write
Or actually get some sleep at night
Aug 2013 · 545
You Fixed Me
Alicia Aug 2013
Days were dark
Eyes were dark
Light was dim
but light was there

I lack a part
Been torn a part
but you were there
to fix me

Your teeth were gaped
when you laughed
But it was that laugh
that put me back

You where there
when I was scared
Took my mind
and hit reset

My eyes where wet
Your mind was set
You took me in
I'm not fine yet

But slowly I forget
What I couldn't get
and the past was still there
Faded, in the air

Faded like the memory
of what I use to be
And that's when I knew,
you where part of me.
Jul 2013 · 351
alone
Alicia Jul 2013
Wake up alone
Bed is cold
Heart is cold
Smile is gone
Hope is gone
I am cold
And you are gone
Jul 2013 · 293
stay
Alicia Jul 2013
My ears pick up a sound
Of your knees hitting the ground
My heart floats away
As I beg for your life to stay
Jul 2013 · 299
Untitled
Alicia Jul 2013
The wind so calm
  Whistling
   Whispering
Passing my ears
brushing my face and tickling my nose
Taking my thoughts see where they go
Jul 2013 · 312
Untitled
Alicia Jul 2013
Picked apart piece by piece
Until there's nothing left of me
Gun me down like the twins
Put my heart into a bin
Save it for a  broken soul
Dont tell them it's my heart you
stole
Rip me apart shred me, cut me
Just forget who I use to be
Throw that memory in the trash
Take me, break me, till I'm
smashed
Burn me, throw my ashes away
And walk all over where they lay
Jul 2013 · 3.7k
Board games
Alicia Jul 2013
Can I take a vacation
To a place you dont really stay in
To the place where your thoughts reside
To a place that's much like mine

So can I take a vacation
I promise I won't be long
Ill take a peak into your thoughts
To see what you have  been taught

Because what we've learned mustn't be the same
Considering you treat me like I am a game
A board you've been around quite a few times
One you win because of cheats and lies
But see you won't come out on top again
Because now I have more twists and bends
                I've gotten stronger quicker faster
And I'll probably leave you in the dust
Because I've caught on to your lies  and now you lack lust
So goodluck to the next girl you decide play
Because I'm sure she'll catch on and I know she won't stay
Jul 2013 · 871
Wash Me Away
Alicia Jul 2013
Wash away my existence
Wash away my fingerprints that linger on your skin
Wash away my tear stained cheeks
Wash me away
Take me down the drain and into another world
Take me down to a place where Im no longer even a memory
Take me down away from the slightest thought of us
The slightest memory of shared laughs
stories
tears
love
Take me down and wash me away
Jul 2013 · 340
Untitled
Alicia Jul 2013
They tell me to forget, it's not worth it
But they haven't been there
They didn't feel my heart  escape out of my chest
They tell me you're no good
But they don't know you
They don't see behind the scenes
They don't see two passionate lovers
They dont see the elongated nights when we outshine the stars
They don't see how one touch can make my skin dance to no music
They don't see because they are blind to all but the negativity
The hatred that I seem to block out
The endless nights of short breathes and wet eyes I seem to forget
So maybe I'm wrong
Maybe they are not the ones that are blind
I am
Jun 2013 · 671
Cheater
Alicia Jun 2013
Your eyes blue like the sea and blue like my veins
Blue with the knowledge we wont be the same
My eyes green like grass and green like a clover
Green with envy and thoughts of you with her
Our eyes both share tears like rain racing down a window
Through our eyes we share the memories that fall below
Memories that can no longer hold us up
Pushed away forever to be tucked
Tucked away like an old file
Stored in both minds for a while
But a while doesn't last as long as it seems
Slowly "a while" dwindles down till the light no longer gleams
A light put out by one stupid choice
Now neither of their ears will hear either voice
Jun 2013 · 747
The Overflow
Alicia Jun 2013
Eyes leaking
Shaking, shivering
but the worst part is you have to be silent
You have to stay strong for other eyes are on yours
Theirs too leaking, pouring
Your strength is their platform
but when your spotlight is gone and it is dark
You're weak
Quietly engulfing yourself in your own emotion
Waiting for the day when you reach your breaking point
When your eyes leak so much that they overflow
With your eyes, your lungs and heart follow
Slowly overflowing, slowly filling to the top of what use to be a beautiful body
That has now been corrupt with fake smiles and silent outbreaks
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