I was lost in a storm of emotion  feeding my corrupted thoughts with shouts and shreaks of reality i've been hiding from for so long*
a.m.

& thats when  realized I never really grew up
Im the same confused little girl
Just now a band-aide and a popsicle
isn't going to heal me
It's going to take a mended heart
& forgotten memories
to fix the scars
a.m.

You get high to create a new reality of this **** you call life
You get money anyway you can because you need cash to fuel your addiction
You get angry because you get caught and your new found reality gets torn to pieces
You feel suffocated because the only way you know how to breathe is through smoke
You grow depressed because the only company you had was your broken thoughts
But sometimes it's not only you that gets affected
While you get high, the ones closest to you become confused
While you sell and steal, your little sister wonders why her mommys ring is in your drawer
While you get angry your mom gets scared because she just lost her little boy
While you  grow depressed your parents grow apart because they feel like they've failed
While you ruin your life
you ruin everyone else
you smash and break and scrape
and you bring every one down to where you are
because if you think your restless nights and paranoia is bad
think about what everyone else goes through
just so you can ease your pain with a temporary healer
your parents feel like failiers
your siblings feel so lost and unprotected
and you
you feel bad for yourself because you lost your high
because with withdrawal it brings selfishness
and you feel like you're going crazy
well try losing your mind
because you failed at the one job you had
just take a minute
look at it through something other than than self pity
use a new perspective
maybe just use some heart
because when you lost yourself
you lost everyone around you too
a.m.

You learn that you're not worth the goodbye he gave you
You're not even worth the tears you gave yourself
a.m.

When your own soul gives up on you,
you know there's truly no one left
Some will describe it as empty,
I describe it like a tree in the fall time
The tree has leaves, and the leaves are a part of the tree
Now slowly the tree loses their leaves no matter how hard it might try to hold on
One bye one or two by two, a leaf falls,
and that tree loses what makes it, what it is
The only difference between a tree and its leaves,
and a body and it's soul
is that the tree can grow its leaves back
once your body has emptied its soul, it is lost
You are lost
a.m.