Scars slowly fading away
An urge that feels
Impossible to beat
This battle that is a
Constant loss

Butchered skin waiting
Questioning
Will I be whole?
Should these
Wounds be reopened

Blade is a
Poisonous addiction
Maybe I'm not
Sorry
I started

Couldn't help that
Life got out of control
Aided in the beginning
Refused to let it end

It's sad really
Relapse I mean
Three years
Clean
Blade called out to me

Will it ever be over?
Will I ever stop
Scaring my body

Will I ever
Learn how to
Love this person I am or
Will I die trying to
Figure it out?

I look in the mirror,
and what do I see?
Bitter disappointment
staring back at me.

It seems no matter
what I do,
I just can't seem
to get through to you.

I'm clawing away
at what's left of me.
and people won't let
the pieces be.

I shed those pieces for a reason.
I'm sick of being stuck in this rainy season.
Walking around with a cloud above my head.
Sometimes I think I'd much rather be dead.

Sometimes...

Death

stalks the corners of my vision,

clouds my thoughts,

poor judgement,

bad decisions.



A fog sets in.

Smothering everything

I thought I loved.



...did it?

Did it win?

Did I lose?



Indecisive.

Distracted.

Overwhelmed.



I feel like giving up.

But I can't disappoint you.



You make my dark days

seem like a distant memory

and my troubles fly away

with just a look.



You fill my soul with laughter

you fill my heart with joy

and you fill my life with happiness.



Meaning.

Purpose.

Beauty.



Death may have its cold

dark, lifeless hands

tight around my neck.

But you are my shield.



Nick,

you are truly

my Lethe,

my Love,

my Life.

There was a strange moment
where time itself seemed to slow down
to a hundredth of a second
where everything was perfect.

Maybe it was just
the last vestiges of the sunset
dancing off your hair,
or maybe it was just a trick of the eye.

But for a moment,
there was perfection.

Maybe it was just,
because I like the way you smoke,
the way the colour accents your eyes,
in the mere moments that pass as you exhale.

But for a moment,
there was perfection.

Maybe it was just
because your smile ignited sparks,
that warmed me like the soft glow of a candle
as darkness started to fall.

But for a moment,
there was perfection.

Maybe it was just,
the way your voice lifted my spirits
as if nothing at all,
could make you happier.

For a moment,
there was perfection.
But for a lifetime,
there was true happiness.

When my heart beat fades away,
will my wings unfold?

When my eyes close,
will your heart turn colder?

Did you know that I had,
no one but you?

Did you know the ghosts chased me?
Will I be just like them,

when my wings unfold?

Hidden under a veil of snow,
will your heart turn colder?

Hidden under a veil of snow,
will my ghost become older?

Nothing but a cold, faded memory,
lying amidst fragile angels

of ice and snow
and long forgotten sorrow.

Will my wings unfold?
Or will your heart become cold?

When my eyes close,
and my heart slows,
only the angels will know.

Self destruct
and rebuild
until you love yourself again.