My mind and energy flourish between 10 p.m and 6 a.m.
Sleep is a concept to my body that sits on the back burner of the disorder overtaking my ****** systems.

At night is the time I feel alive,
Alone,
Depressed,
Exuberant
Inspired,
Drained,
Awake.

The­ darker the skies the more open my eyes seem to get.
I race across the internet in my liveliness learning or observing,
And occasionally when I'm on my lows, self-diagnosing.

At night is when my mood shifts from happy to sad
and my thoughts range from beautiful words and pictures to hate and self-loathing.
At night is when I am capable of understanding the mysteries surrounding the concept of living
and at night is when I re-evaluate decisions in my life and change,
for better or for worse.

But all this can only be between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.
When the world is dead and I am the only one experiencing it.

-Alicia Hubert

I would rather live with a dead father that loved me than a deadbeat father who doesn't.

Crazy has poisoned my veins and turned my brain to mush.
I am mental with meticulous details of our relationship.

One kiss polluted me,
burning everything I once knew and replacing it with heated passion.

I'm an emotionally deranged zombie,
feeding off your vibes and clawing my way closer,
closer to you and who you are.

I hunger for your communication,
for your touch and approval.
I want to eat and eat until I'm full
but I'm a bottomless pit and I can't stop.

If I get too vicious will you cure me?
Will you hold the gun and shoot me in the heart,
releasing my soul from the shell of my unstable mentality?

You infected me with love darling,
and its festering in the remains of who I was before you.

"Words are just words you can lie with words,
actions are what actually matters."

But see to me,
words are magic,
even the lies.

One time,
when my world had stopped spinning,
you wrapped your arms around me
and for a brief moment,
everything had come alive.

But when you pulled away,
everything crashed again
and you left me alone and shaking.

I released your love some months ago,
but before I knew it you had come fleeting back.

Like a bird with a broken wing,
I took you in and cleaned you up.
Fixed some parts and nursed you back to health.

The beginning of this new relationship dazed me.
I lost my mind in the infatuation of my personal reality.
The man I had cried over for months,
the one I yearned for and wrote about everyday,
returned to my arms and was as warm and loving as ever.
How did my dreams come to life?

With any dream though,
I had to wake up.

It took two months.
Two months to wake up from the daze I lived,
two months to switch my emotions
from being lost in the daze and snapping into reality
faced with confusion.

How did we go back to who we were so fast?
How did the problems of our old relationship catch up to the future?
How did we go from pure bliss to groping towards each others neck just to make each other stop talking?

Why am I turning to the internet for advice on what is wrong?
Why am I finding truth on sites that say that this is an unhealthy relationship?
Why are we getting 9/10 on questions that ask if your relationship is unhealthy?

Baby.
You dazed me with your love and compassion that moment you came back to me
but you shortly followed it up with my head spinning and my mind slammed with confusion.

We do not have a time machine so why are you trying to bring up the past?
I'm looking for happiness and you're tearing it down.
If we don't fix this were going to **** each other emotionally.

I love you and I honestly think that I'll love you till I die.
But darling that doesn't mean we have to be together till we die.

**** young love,
it makes you insane.
-Alicia

Have you felt that thing.
When you're with someone,
its like an explosion.

Something just changed,
it erupted and changed your course.

Looking into their eyes,
its no longer just an ***** in sockets
but browns flaked with yellows
in an unending ocean of desire and love.

And its so wonderful you can't explain it.
They say its love but sometimes you think its more.
Something no one else on the planet but you two feel.

Its the most wonderful thing in the world.

-Alicia Hubert

Hey Sweetheart remember me?
The girl you said you 'loved' for almost a century?

I see you take your "new" friends wherever you go.
Are you with them cause we broke up or is it for their hoes?

So you said we should be 'friends' and you're really sorry,
but what about these rumors you've been telling everybody?

I never left the boundaries of being faithful,
that was your ******* cause you're so ******* disdainful.

Now even though I'm ecstatic I kicked you to the curb,
we need to go over some things cause I'm pretty disturbed.

For one keep my name out of your mouth,
you must not understand baby I'm from the south.

I'm not scared to punk you in front of your friends,
if I hear another thing about me from you this will transcend.

Oh by the way I un-friended your ***** ***,
You're a ******* and you've been outclassed.

I hope the next **** you **** carries stds,
that's exactly the kind of wake up call you need.

Thank God I dumped you when I did,
you were so ******* annoying since you act like a kid.

I hate you so much and I will never miss you again,
Lets not talk anymore and you can just have a ****** life then!


-Alicia Hubert

Hey Sweetheart remember me?
The girl you said you 'loved' for almost a century?

Please just come back and I'll fix what is wrong,
I'll take care of you, nurture you 'till you're strong.

I'm sorry i called you so late last night,
but i was so drunk I had lost all my might.

I lost all personal control that would say no,
I was just missing you my sweet bitter woe.

One day I hope you'll stop resenting me,
And maybe then I won't be so crazy.

If that happens then maybe we'll bump into each other in the future,
like how we planned before we went out on this little 'adventure'.

We can go on dates and be adults filled with hope,
maybe even try and get a ring too elope?

I understand I'm really childish and I'm sorry I really am,
I'll do anything just for you to be my man.

I love you so much and I miss you terribly,
Please write back soon I'll just be sitting waiting here sadly.

-Alicia Hubert

For a year and 5 months they were in love,
a love quite odd but was suited so well
they formed a bond no one ever thought would quell.

All the hushed whispers and sneaky sleepovers.
Stolen kisses with pins to the bed and playful fights all over.
The warmth of their bodies slowly merging together.
The rise and fall of a chest with a racing heart in tune forever.
A head sat resting on ones breast moves in rhythm to the sway of slight breaths.
Soon the butterflies within awakened and infest them like death.

Love was their medication that they had diagnosed,
A treatment of her to pick up the pieces and put in their place
and a prescription for him to mend all the empty black space.

Their love was never perfect like how everyone wants,
but it was such a sight it made others feel daunt,
their downs were extremely low and the ups were so very high.
But they were intoxicated with their childish love times.

And like all love stories an end soon approached.
She'd detached herself from him, losing all hope,
and just sat and watched while he engrossed into dope,
Both of them forgetting their plans to elope.

Their fights lasted longer and their words grew harsher with anger and resentment.
Their ups soon drowned in hate while memories faded lost in the moment.
She started to long for attention of other people and freedom of her own life
while he immersed himself in his own pity blaming her for all the world's nasty rife.
The facade of perfect love was slowly combusting, filling their skies
with ashes of scorched memories that gathered down by.

On the night of a year and 5 months he just split,
said she made him feel like nothing and treated him like ****.
She sat in her bed crying typing *******,
As soon as she pressed send she knew what she had to do.
She held up her phone and texted him one line.
And in that moment it was over on the stop of a dime.

A year and 5 months was so quickly thrown away,
all of the time had just been tossed into disarray.
It was a year and 5 months that I broke his heart,
and its been a month in a half that I live to regret that part.

-Alicia Hubert

I was close to drowning when he picked me up,
his face as fresh as dawn breaking across the sky.

He had numbed most of my pain,
temporarily cleansing me of sin.
Just by a look in my eyes
He waded through the dark
that resided in my soul
until he found the small light inside.

He wrapped his arms tight around it
squeezing until it had no choice but to reignite
into lavish waves of fire.

His lips then parted revealing a beautiful smile
that moved closed to my ear and whispered a secret worthwhile ,

"I can see your pain from a mile away,
and I want you to know, its ok to let it all go."

In that moment I exhaled,
liberating all the *******, all the hate,
all the insecurities, suicide plots,
sadness, madness, pain I ever lived.

The instant rush of emotions coursed adrenaline through my veins,
ceasing the augmentation in my abdomen.
My body merged into a whole making a rumble grow in my throat,
I slowly titled my head back, a smile breaking across my face
and I released a laugh full and whole.

His arms tightened around me
and I looked into his brown eyes
with his tan skin, shining white teeth
his perfectly chiseled face
and I fell in love.

-Alicia Hubert

Green ones. yellow ones, red ones, blue,
all of them slide straight down my throat,
my veins burst into cheer as the medicine takes over,
my scalp is all tingly and my limbs are going numb,
drugs make my life a little less dumb,
slurred speech and glossy eyes,
the weight of the world is gone once again,
now i can fly, now i am free,
now everyone isn't pressing down on me,
drugs are my escape,
my runaway from pain,
for now i wont live my life in vain,
i take the rainbow and swallow it whole,
it feels better then the air on a midnight stroll.

-Alicia Hubert

So,
Don't be so reckless
Don't be so sad
Don't break down

Soon you'll feel
like you own the world,
It'll be filled with bliss
and you'll never cry.

So just keep walking forward
because your past is set in stone
but your future is ever changing.

-Alicia Hubert

I have lived and loved
but I can't forget the pain.
It weighs on my mind,
until i can't take the day.

I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't smile
I can't forget

The pains of nostalgia,
its one hell of a *****.

-Alicia Hubert