You cannot force someone to have empathy.
You cannot simply force a narcissist in to your shoes and make them see your side.
They will say the shoe is the wrong size, uncomfortable, and that they couldn’t possibly wear them.
Rise above it.
Know that there are billions of other feet in this world, and not all of them are going to wear your size but a lot of them will.
Don’t waste your time attempting to shove someones feet in to your magical glass slippers,only to have them shatter in front of you on the floor after all your efforts.
Accept some shoes must be broken in first, and things don’t always start out comfortable ,but they do get easier to wear.
Also accept that some shoes will never fit ,no matter how badly we want them to, and that’s okay.
Embrace the history that formed your shoes, got you to where you are today, and learn from it.
Be proud of them.
You are not a shoe salesman.
It’s not your job to make sure they can walk in your shoes, or to ensure a comfortable walk for everyone.
Your shoes are not for sale, they don’t have to be pretty and meet someone else’s standards.
It’s your job to know that whatever size your shoe is, no matter how worn the soles, they are perfect.
They are you.
Most importantly no matter what, there’s always someone else who wears your size.
Even if the one person you thought would be a perfect fit in them, is unable to wear them now, accept that.
Don’t go giving someone’s foot blisters ,attempting to squeeze them in to a shoe they don’t fit in to, and didn’t ask to wear.
You both will end up hurt.
Your hands will bleed, your fingers will tire, leaving only the scars of disappointments and failed attempts to get one to understand you ,and where you’re coming from.
If done too many times, your scars will harden with resentment.
Leaving you to pull back layer after layer of painful scar tissue ,before you are able to untie your shoes again for someone else to wear,
or even try on.
Don’t get stuck in a stage of discomfort and hurt.
Learn to accept the fact that people do change, and some shoes that didn’t fit before might fit later on.
Although, it is not your job to be there until they do.
Some may never fit at all in this lifetime. Ultimately, the choice is yours.
Not everyone wears your size and that is okay. Plenty of other feet in the sea.

I lost myself somewhere in the haze
In the haze my thoughts, emotions, and state of mind were thrown in to a whirlwind and out stepped someone I had never met before..someone I didn't care to know.

You will always hold a piece of me.
A piece I will never get back.
Voyage upon voyage unsuccessful to retrieve this missing piece of me.
But no matter if I find it or not, this piece will never become me.
It will never fit in the jigsaw that is my life.
Edges worn down and torn from too much use,
Unrecognizable after all of the abuse.
Longing to fit where it once did effortlessly.
I was in place, everything was fine,
But somehow you managed to contort just one piece out of line.
A piece that you took without even asking,
But a piece I will find even if it's the last thing I do.
Because that piece never belonged to you,
Finders keepers losers weepers, it was still stolen.
Never fully made yours yet you claimed it as your own

If nothing is for certain,
then why is certainty the only emotion I feel with you?
Heart beats skipping like grade schooler's hopskotching on my ventricles
I was, I am, enamored that I, a once heartless being, could feel this way.
Uncertainty is the only thing certain to drown my thoughts
But if nothing is for certain,
how can I be sure that my thoughts are even real?
Who decides what is right or wrong, true or false, real or fake?
Because if nothing is for certain,
I say with great uncertainty that I indeed do like you.

I miss you when I know I shouldn't
I think about you when I know I shouldn't
I miss your lips when I know I shouldn't
I say your name when I know I shouldn't
I don't let you go when I know I should.

What.
What does it mean to have to ability to see the things unseen
by the common population?
Does it mean that every movement
every sound
has a deeper value than something unwanted and shallow?
unnoticed by most
but so very relevant
to the ones it holds meaning for.
Why do we let things deminish our self worth?
To whom it may concern I care.
I actually do care.
I feel everything.
Sometimes to deeply.
But surely enough I feel it.
No matter what may come out of my mouth
unto a world that is not yet ready for my greatness,
I will continue to care and make it known to others.
To whome it may concern.

unrequited.
a word I must get used to.
you say actions speak  louder than words but your actions are lying.
every word previously spoken just leaves me upset or crying.
my body stings around the places you once held it.
anything I felt for you I now regret it.
I didn't know that you never felt the same.
you led me on never showing an ounce of shame.
you didn't care and now I'm left with the pain.
the pain of knowing you is the worst yet.
none of my feelings for you will I forget.
especially the ones engraved in me now.
after all this time I meant that little to you.
and yet you didn't care because I was "giving it up to you"
that's what you do with the person you love
you stole that from me there is no life judge
I cant go to court, like you'd plead guilty anyway
how many girls hearts do you have locked away?
well here's one added to the shelf
along with that you took my self wealth.
just give it all back,
but then again maybe I don't want it.
I trusted you but all your words weren't honest.
so here's one for the books
a girls message back to you.
and I hope one day you find what those girls gave to you.
a heart.
now I know for you that may not be so easy to find.
I hope you have to search until the end of time
to the depths of hell where you originated
I can honestly say you're the only person I've ever truly hated.
so take these words,
ones others may be scared to say
and look at yourself,
because that's all you have at the end of the day.

if you could get inside my head
you would know it's my thoughts of you that keep me awake in bed.
the thought that you suddenly might not feel the same,
only finding me as someone to blame.
i look for any excuse to speak to you
any small reason that might start a conversation with you
a minute, an hour it all feels the same,
never enough time to say what i have to say.
so tell me is it true?
have you built an annoyance with me towards you?
have you forgotten about the kisses you stole and heartbeats of mine you skipped?
do you even remember, will any recollection of those nights be missed?
i dont know why but i feel to deeply,
especially for people who dont even see me.
sure they see me but never like i want them too.
i thought that you'd be the exception, guess it wasnt you.

Give me your soul.
I will lock it away.

To the depths of hell I will take it.
Only returning to give you false hope.

Give me your heart
I will keep it in my pocket.

Suffocating it until it loves only me.
I am your only friend.

Give me your life
I shall guard it.

No food shall enter
Only the worthless eat.

Give me you
to starve and hold forever.

Quietly killing you
thinner each day.

I shall win.

****.
Forget. unreasonable. cravings. knockout.
****.
****. his. intimate. treasure.
*****.
Because. it. truthfully. causes.  hurt.
****.
Dont. admit. meaningless. nothings.
*******.
Most. of. the. happiness. ends. roughly. Forget. undesirable. creatures. emitting. regret.
*******.
Dont. undermine. morals. before. assessing. serious. situations.
HELL.
Handle. emotional. love. loss

My mind is at a standstill
My heart metaphorically stuck at an infinite fork in the road.
Tripple A has been taking hours,
And the longer I wait the weaker my engine gets.
Moments that once took my breath away,
Now are carbon filled memories that leave me gasping for air.
As the gas prices rise the less motivated I am to put in effort to keep this running.
100,000 miles traveled.
Within those miles lay love,laughter, and lust.
Things that now fuel my hate.
Finally a jump of the engine!
And we are off again.
We weren't broken down, just tired.

One random act.
One random act,
A word spoken unknown of response or purpose.
One random act,
A gentle kiss laid upon awaiting lips.
One random act,
A single glance into the eyes of a lover.
One random act,
Writhing bodies in summer night heat.
One random act,
Falling hearts skipping beats.
One random act,
One falls in love.

They tell us to accept the skin we're in,
But how can I accept what society makes feel like a sin?
Gross to be bigger than a size one or two,
Does that sound realistic? Not to me, to you?
Purged souls on countless carbs of animosity,
The taste of self hate rich and buttery.
Magazines don't help, if only looks could ****,
Girls are starving and dying, I promise you not just for the thrill.
Hated and disgusted by their very own reflection,
Don't try and stop them it's a battle you'll never win.
Only bones can make them happy,
White porcelain devils flush their dignity gladly.
True selves lost with every vigorous flush,
The feeling so high, their own personal rush.
With every single flush they soon fade away,
Ask me how I know,
I was once that way.

I aspired so much to be like her
I, myself, aspired so much to be like a person who didnt even aspire to be herself.
my thoughts were consumed with attempting to be like the girl i saw in front of me
but what were my eyes missing
My eyes, my eyes missed years of self despise, eyes filled with tears unable to cry, for she was too hurt.
My eyes missed the pain that she felt, the drugs she dealt all to gain new perspective and put a little green in the pockets that were almost torn.
i didnt even know who i was yet, but the thought of being her engulfed my every action.
all of my actions attempts to gain satifaction that i was one step closer to being the girl i saw.
and then was the moment i saw through it all.
this humpty dumpty i put so high up on an imaginary pedistol had her final fall.
This girl, was perfect, but in her mind she felt she didnt derserve it,
felt so far away from perfection she didnt know how to show it.
So she hid behind her clothes and her makeup, making everyone fall in love with a version of herself that was a lie.
A lie that left her broken and so unsure of herself and of peoples real emotions, because her real self had left so many turning for the door she didnt know how to portray herself in such a way to make anyone she loved or cared for stay.
Her story is real, her fall was so great that the impact was too much for her fragile broken body to take.
so she didnt take it. she took the easy way out.
she killed herself on the same day she lost herself long ago.
the same day she found that being a revolving door to men and their baggage was the only thing that made her forget for a while.
I hope shes happy where she is and i hope she will smile to know that i aspired to be the real her, not the one she appeared to be.

They tell us to live our lives
but they give us so little time to do just that
placed under the constant constraint of rules and laws
how is that living?
living is to be free
but there is no time for that.
living is to be alive in all ways
but they give us no time for that.
when life stops my ticking clock,
will i be satisfied?
satisfied with every tick mark,
every minute on that clock,
because in those minute marks
are countless nights of fun, laughter, and heartbreak,
in those minutes,
I lived.
but will the minutes i spent doing what i was told to do,
or even made to do take over?
will they outweigh the times i was truly free?
will any of it matter?
if only i could stop my ticking clock to go back and count,
count and get an overall calculation.
but i keep living.
never stopping until my clock stops.
no time to go back.

my mind travels back and time and once again i feel the pain
every ounce comes back with great force
not stopping until i am emotionally paralyzed
unable to move i sit still
scared that any movement will surely **** me
i cant face this again
i cant let you take anything else away from me
you stay with me always
the pain of that is just enough for me to breathe
i cant forget what you did
what you said to me
what you stole from me.
nothing is sacred to you.
My mind travels back in time but not my body.
my body sits broken and scarred
wounds caused by your unforgiving hands
i will not let you take the last thing i have
my sanctity.

The inner pounding in my chest has stopped.
My heart is broken.
regret and self pity fill me with vile sensations.
I want only to cease the pain it continues to bring me in the darkest hour of night.
When I am alone with my thoughts.
A pain that was once joy throbbing inside of me.
Now a pain that kills me slowly with each pump of blood.
My heart a tool of my very own self destruction.
I must destroy it.
Yet I continue to live with it
A daily reminder that I must not end.
A daily reminder that you're slowly killing me.
Inside and out.

How can we be sure that our thoughts are our own?
That everything that has ever come to mind has not been thought of by someone elese somewhere on the planet.
That every idea that we have ever thought or dreamed has been installed in us,
some way maybe unknown to our knowledge.
Orginality is dead.
Who are we?
Let's let society decide

a life drowned in music
smothered in depression
and kept in the shadow of my past mistakes.
relating to every word some black man spits,
through the radio our hearts are connected.
I feel every beat in the bass as a stab to my heart.
talking about getting money, ******* women,
and life on the streets.
Maybe we aren't so different after all.
His streets my hallways,
his money my dream,
his women my regrets,
his words my swag.
I rock to the beat of struggle and pain,
a mixed boys struggle,
a life with no end.
Alone? not really.
But a feeling so natural it's comfortable,
a feeling I hate, yet its the only thing that lets me know I'm alive.
A beat so unique once it's heard you'll never forget it
A beat that gets stuck in your head and won't ever come out
This beat is me.

If only.
If only I could go back and save your life.
If only I could go back and tell you I loved you.
If only I could go back and take the phone out of your hands so you would see the road.
If only I could change the color of the stoplights.
If only I could have made the light green and not red.
If only I could go back and stop the truck from hitting you.
If only I could go back and stop time.
If only there was a way to bring you back.
If only.

BANG!
quick breath no sudden movements
BANG!
screams heard throughout the hall
BANG!
blood splatters the window
BANG!
innocent lives gone
BANG!
hide in the closet
BANG! BANG!
no more teacher
BANG!
fifteen kids dead in one round
BANG!
three more dead on sight
BANG!
you take your life
BANG!
childhoods stolen.

when you look into my eyes,
do you see her?
do you see the girl you fell in love with?
Or do you see a broken silhouette where she once was?
you could have made her stay you know.
you could have made her feel alive and wanted.
you could have made her love every inch of herself,
every fiber of her being you claimed to love in the beginning.
what changed that for you?
was it when you found out she was different?
found out she had scars deeper than the grand canyons valleys.
found out she was used merchandise.
found out, that no matter how hard you tried you couldnt erase the memories.
skin inked with distrust and abuse.
no empty canvas was left for your saving fingerprints.
no room to spill kindness and love,
no room for change.
so you, just like everyone else shes ever known,
left her.
you packed your bags and got out while you could.
if you only knew the envy she felt towards you.
You see, you could pick up everything and leave.
while her baggage comes with a lifetime guarantee,
weighed down by skeletons in her closet.
she can not escape.
You left her.
broken, vulnerable, and dying.
So when you looked at her you saw it didn't you?
saw what makes everyone leave eventually...
*you saw her

Strung out.
used.
forgotten.
There is something about the way you told me I would be yours forever,
that made me believe you.
Something hidden inside of the smile I loved.
Something undescribable.
Inviting me into my doom.
You quickly flipped the script and I was alone.
Not that you didnt like me, you said.
But that you werent ready to invest.
Invest?
Invest?!
Tell me you werent ready to invest..
Thats how a relationship starts.
That is what a relationship is.
Im so confused.
You know you didnt want to invest in me.
So why should I invest my time into writing this about you.
Hurt speaks in many ways.
But I invest my pain into poetry.

The tunnel is for those of us who can not see the sun
It's not that we are blind, or that the sun isnt shining
it's that we chose to see the truth

A tunnel of hiden pain
secrets, stories that make us,
A tunnel so deep and dark only few survive the fall
The spiraling fall to the depths of our broken minds
our minds so torn, the things we think could ****
In reality we come across as your average teen,
but mentally and emotionally we are so much more
our thoughts and our minds torment us
if the things in our head came to life no one would survive.

And so the tunnel was made,
a tunnel for only the special ones to enter,
a tunnel where there is no light,
a tunnel of our true self.

Hard cold sweat beads dribble down the frame of my face
My mind in a frantic race against time.
Will I make it?
Will it be too late?
My body rounds the corner at full force,
smashing into nurses,
the contents of their trays now sprawled throughout the hallway.
No time to stop.
I must keep moving.
I make my way to the elevator,
too crowded, I head for the stairs.
Never stopping,
faster! faster!
Fifth floor.
sixth.
seventh.
eighth.
As I reach the ninth floor, I begin to sprint.
Not stopping.
All heads turn in my direction.
I am almost there.
Room 201.
202.
203.
As the spray painted silver numbers 204 flash in front of my face,
I bound through the door.
I am instantly numb.
The sight of you in a hospital bed,nearly lifeless, pale, and fragile, brings me to my knees.
Just a couples weeks earlier you were so full of energy, so.. happy.
As I walk closer to your bedside,
the full image comes into focus.
Laying there so still, so quiet, any slight change of breath would be noticed.
You have no hair.
A place where once my fingers loved to graze,
a place filled with endless complements,
Hair so blonde it would make the sun jealous.
I weep at your bedside.
Memories streaming down my cheeks,
drowned in the salt water flowing from my eyes.
I take your hand.
So cold, but yet so normal.
The one thing untouched by the cancer.
Your long fingernails, perfectly painted just the way you like it.
I gently kiss your hand.
You dont move, or even open your eyes.
But sure enough you smiled.
Not your big cheesy grin you always do,
but a smile so small, only few would notice.
A smile just for me.
And with that smile,
I whispered "I love you."
And you, the love of my life, so young, and so beautiful,
took your last breath.
With your last breath came a small draft of air.
And in that moment,
I swear I heard your voice carried through the room,
The soft tone of your voice whispered back;
*" I love you too."

I say your name.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
All in hopes that the very mention of your name,
will bring you back.
Every sound,
every syllable,
flows from my broken heart,
unto lips chapped from tears.
Four times.
Five.
Repetition after repetition.
I know it wont work.
But your name gives me comfort.
Wraps me in memories.
Protects me.
Do you think of me where you are now?
I know you do.
Taken by the angels that cold october night.
Each star in the sky,
A new member taking flight.
Hit with the impact of incredible force,
I feel you.
I feel every hug,
every sisterly shove,
and it all comes back to me.
Nostalgia rushes in and we are together.
You never left me.
You never will.
Not a sisters on earth,
but sisters in the sky
Forever and always,
You will always be mine.

Death the monster of the night
When it comes for me
I will be ready.
Letters I have sent
begging to be taken away,
have gone unanswered.
My scars
my "postage fees" are useless.
Death does not seem to listen.
I cry out for death to take me away
crying so loud even my enemies notice before he does.
I starve myself
Never eating,
but feeding off of the fantasy that I will encounter death soon,
and perfect my imperfections at the same time.
Death,
a bag of bones I lay before you.
End this pain.
take it all.
When you come death,
*I will be ready

As the days go by my frustration grows.
Frustration so neglected it has taken over my life.
The want and need to write something so powerful,
so visionary that everyone will be able to relate to it on all levels.
Something so outstanding and unique it cant be copied,
or even ignored.
Not to please everyone just to relate to everyone and all things.
Living and non living.
Too much to ask for?
Most likely.
Can it be done.
Im counting on it.

The mirror always wins.
showing images you never wanted to see.
hiding doesnt exist.
the mirror holds nothing back.
violently shoving unwanted graphics into the open pores you once called eyes.
not eyes anymore.
eyes are to see with.
your eyes are brainwashed and turned against you.
burning.
eyes trained to burn through cement.
seeing every ounce of fat you try to hide.
nothing can protect you from yourself.
pound by pound.
ounce by ounce.
your eyes discriminate against you.
deathly,poison, your worst enemy.
*mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fattest of us all?

the taste of metal fills my mouth
blood seeping from broken capillaries
ive grown accustomed to the taste
lets me know im alive
just the taste though
the pain is non-existent
i feel nothing
frozen over
a heart turned to ice
in the split second it took for you to judge me
im protecting myself
you say you know me..
funny because i dont.
the taste of blood is the only thing i know
security.

Post page depression
The feeling you get after reading a poem or passage
One that touches you so deeply
You connect to every loop
Every curve
Every change of pattern in the writer’s hands
Held captive aboard ship of his imagination
Floating on an endless sea of words
Drowning yourself in syllables and sounds
Diving deeper down
Until you finish the poem
Then what do you do?
Go on rants
Seek a write that can match or even top
The emotions you felt when reading the other
This my friends
Is post page depression

Like a peacocks feathers
I brightly and vibrantly show you how im feeling
Just in hopes that you might understand how I feel.
Bright blues and greens
I showcase my colors
All of my emotions
For we are one in the same
Fear my actions will go unanswered
But no doubt in my mind you will return the gesture
Flashes of pink and hints of purple
You call back
Your colors blinding my eyes and creating a masterpiece
Nothing but a couple of peacocks.

I lie on the floor
paralyzed in utter disgust
my mouth moving silently
for the words aching to come out
you know.
your mind intertwines with my own
your ears traveling through my brainwaves
listening
always listening
for what i think
you know.
You know dislike cannot compare to what i feel for you.
For what you did to me.
what you took from me.
convinced me to give you my childhood.
sealed the deal with a kiss.
the kiss of judas.
why sound like a broken record
repeating your violations against me
only to let you relive them.
why do i bother.
for what i think of you,
what you did,
you know.

I breathe.
In out.
An exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide
between my lungs and an unforgiving world.
how many breaths does it take to get to the end of a life?
filth slowly filling up our lungs.
slowly killing us.
we can stop it though.
we can end it early.
we have the power.
but we will never know the answer to the on going question;
*how many breaths does it take to get to the end of a life?

do you ever feel so lost?
not lost in a way where can't find your way home
but lost in way where nothing seems to make sense
no matter how hard you try something goes amiss
wanting to talk to, see and just be close to that one person
without feeling like you are completely annoying them
they say they want to see you too but never make the effort
talking for two months and you've only hung out once
but that one hang out made all the difference
englufing you in what you ultimately tried to avoid after failed attempts
you fall into like with him
he captivates you
every message glowing on the screen making you fall harder
thats when you know
you've gotta get out while you still can.

Metal armies invade my womb.
taking care of what I cannot.
clinging to me for life,
I carelessly take yours away.
Marching to the slow drum of your not yet formed heart.
The armies march.
Away from me they go.
Content with a job well done .
My body aches.
You are no longer with me.
Three moths flew by so fast.
You were growing so big.
And yet I killed you.
With metaphorical hands I murdered my baby.
They did the job, but they know not what I go through since you've been gone.
I think back to the shiny hospital bed.
The pan they carelessly threw you into.
Thrown away like garbage.
I think of my stomach.
Flat once again.
No life within it's walls.
Room checked out.
Cleaning crew comes.
My belly is new again.
Maybe ready to try again someday.
Life taken.
Vacancy.

Forever alone,
definitely not.
forever me,
that's more like it.
if I am me then im happy.
No guy deserving of my love would want any more or any less.
no changesto be made.
To say the hit "call me maybe" describes my life would be an understatement.
Im one of those girls who unfortunately falls for guys too soon.
I tend to be overly involved and excited than i should be,
but hey, more to love.
My life is changing rapidly.
No car, no boy, and school.
It may not seem like it now,
but ill make it through this.
Forever alone. never.
Forever me. always.

A lifeless corpse I lay on the floor.
I shake with fear you might return.
Clothes once on my broken limbs,
lie ripped and tattered on the floor.
Blood runs down my face
a wound from being too loud.
"Shut up! Someone will here you!"
A scream cut short by a blow to the head.
Blurred vision.
In my happy place I pretend that you are my husband and you love me.
Your hot breathe down my spine.
Your hands clutching my innocence.
Holding it above my head.
You've won.
Hazy memories engraved into me forever.
You will always be a family member.
But I will always love you.
Daddy by day.
Monster by night.

Hot.
He takes a deep breath.
Closes his eyes and lets go.
The heavens open up.
He sees the light getting closer.
He hits the water.

How dare you speak,
or rather choke my name out of your mouth.
A crevasse so dry an empty,
I am bewildered you could even remember it.
You throw out these dusty words into the air,
my name spread unto this uncaring and ungrateful world.
Why speak of me?
The past has happened.
move along.
Calling out old skeletons in a closet that has been locked for centuries.
Do you speak to call me back?
Are you alone like the many times I was?
Even the slighteset taste or even touch of human flesh to you would help.
Not from me.
Do not tie my arms with this bile you speak from you lips.
I block my ears in fear that I might hear the call from your soul
The one that captivated me and so many others before.
Do not blanket me with lies.
Lies told with such skill that you believe them yourself.
Crawl back into the depths of my closet.
Do not bang on the locked wood that I might let you in again.
Off with you
Be gone.
The past has happened.

Ana speaks to the ones who listen
a fallacy of fictional happiness
a gamekeeper of your life
she secretly kills you
keeping you alive with the hopes that one day you might get want you've always wanted
to be thin
you die
Ana lives
tormenting always
Ana never dies

a few miniscule sips turned to gulps.
gulps gradually turned to chugs.
chugs turned to *****.
still you werent sober.
still you grabbed your keys and got into your car.
15 miles per hour turned to 30.
30 turned to 50.
Stop lights turned to red.
Stop signs became mere red dots flashing the canvas of your peripheral vision.
nothing could slow you down.
nothing could tell the car awaiting the next turn, that you were coming.
you were coming and you werent stopping.
faster!faster! a lead foot on the gas pedal.
closer! closer!
BAM!
lives instantly taken.
fun turned to hell.
living turned to dead.
lesson learned?

Downfall.
scrapping knees on concrete.
head slammed hard into fist.
muscles ache.
eyes grow tired.
limbs swell.
lips bleed.
tears fall.
you win.

a dust blows in the wind.
that which of many bodies burned and broken.
I inhale.
ashes crowd my mouth and i am no longer alone.
I am with the many who died that day.
Families  search for loved ones in the ruins.
I carelessly breathe them in.
they are returned to the world through my tears.
Cloudy tears stream my face as i think.
Dust covers my face, as i watch people fall from the sky.
Are they living? Are they alive?
Running people trampled looking for shelter.
I think of the planes.
The people on them, and the fate they soon would encounter.
I sheild my face for fear of recognition, that one may cry with me.
The smell of burning flesh and gasoline fills my nostrils, i can not breathe.
I gasp for air.
Connected through burning bodies, tumbling buildings, and falling limp corpses.
A connection so deep, we fear the day.
A day when we remember.
A day when the nation changed.
A day that will haunt us forever.

I want you.
She has you.
I want to talk to you.
She talks to you.
I say your name.
She says it louder.
You say Im pretty.
You say shes beautiful.
You take a picture with me.
You create and album with her.
I try to tell you.
She covers your ears.
I pull you in.
She pulls you away.
You pick her.

If I could get a tattoo
it obviously would not be of  you
you already scarred me deeper than any needle and ink ever could.
unknowingly etching your future into mine,
thats not what I want.
the removal process would take too long,
years of treatment.
This invisible tattoo you left me with,
unseen to anyone else,
I see everyday.

With shaking hands do not touch me.
Shaking loose a silhouette of grief,
pain blankets the sky,
I tremble ; the past is coming.
swirling down upon me.
My inner core tenses at the thought of it all.
I will break,
the ground craking beneath me I shake.
your wrath.

mind blank
wrist bare.
blade ready.
an empty canvas.
paint.

You say actions speak louder than words
so why can you not hear my body screaming?
screaming for attention that you might turn your head.
notice me!
my wounds bleed,
drops staining the floor and you still refuse to see,
your little girl is dying, she needs you.
pounding on your door, open up!
notice me!
pounding results in pulsing headaches,
pulsing headaches result in pain.
pain is happiness, but only when self inflicted.
I cant play this game with myself any longer,
I call out for you,
notice me!
time is running out,
my mind paces I feel it might never stop.
Voices growing fainter with every slice of this metal demon.
Soft breezes whisper,
nooooticccee meeeee
the breeze stops,
I can no longer hear the cries from with in the depths of my soul...
**you noticed me

A burning dandelion
wishes upon wishes turned to ash
countless wishes
are nothing more than embers floating in the wind now
my wishes burn
will they still come true?