if you could get inside my head
you would know it's my thoughts of you that keep me awake in bed.
the thought that you suddenly might not feel the same,
only finding me as someone to blame.
i look for any excuse to speak to you
any small reason that might start a conversation with you
a minute, an hour it all feels the same,
never enough time to say what i have to say.
so tell me is it true?
have you built an annoyance with me towards you?
have you forgotten about the kisses you stole and heartbeats of mine you skipped?
do you even remember, will any recollection of those nights be missed?
i dont know why but i feel to deeply,
especially for people who dont even see me.
sure they see me but never like i want them too.
i thought that you'd be the exception, guess it wasnt you.

Give me your soul.
I will lock it away.

To the depths of hell I will take it.
Only returning to give you false hope.

Give me your heart
I will keep it in my pocket.

Suffocating it until it loves only me.
I am your only friend.

Give me your life
I shall guard it.

No food shall enter
Only the worthless eat.

Give me you
to starve and hold forever.

Quietly killing you
thinner each day.

I shall win.

****.
Forget. unreasonable. cravings. knockout.
****.
****. his. intimate. treasure.
*****.
Because. it. truthfully. causes.  hurt.
****.
Dont. admit. meaningless. nothings.
*******.
Most. of. the. happiness. ends. roughly. Forget. undesirable. creatures. emitting. regret.
*******.
Dont. undermine. morals. before. assessing. serious. situations.
HELL.
Handle. emotional. love. loss

My mind is at a standstill
My heart metaphorically stuck at an infinite fork in the road.
Tripple A has been taking hours,
And the longer I wait the weaker my engine gets.
Moments that once took my breath away,
Now are carbon filled memories that leave me gasping for air.
As the gas prices rise the less motivated I am to put in effort to keep this running.
100,000 miles traveled.
Within those miles lay love,laughter, and lust.
Things that now fuel my hate.
Finally a jump of the engine!
And we are off again.
We weren't broken down, just tired.

One random act.
One random act,
A word spoken unknown of response or purpose.
One random act,
A gentle kiss laid upon awaiting lips.
One random act,
A single glance into the eyes of a lover.
One random act,
Writhing bodies in summer night heat.
One random act,
Falling hearts skipping beats.
One random act,
One falls in love.

They tell us to accept the skin we're in,
But how can I accept what society makes feel like a sin?
Gross to be bigger than a size one or two,
Does that sound realistic? Not to me, to you?
Purged souls on countless carbs of animosity,
The taste of self hate rich and buttery.
Magazines don't help, if only looks could ****,
Girls are starving and dying, I promise you not just for the thrill.
Hated and disgusted by their very own reflection,
Don't try and stop them it's a battle you'll never win.
Only bones can make them happy,
White porcelain devils flush their dignity gladly.
True selves lost with every vigorous flush,
The feeling so high, their own personal rush.
With every single flush they soon fade away,
Ask me how I know,
I was once that way.

I aspired so much to be like her
I, myself, aspired so much to be like a person who didnt even aspire to be herself.
my thoughts were consumed with attempting to be like the girl i saw in front of me
but what were my eyes missing
My eyes, my eyes missed years of self despise, eyes filled with tears unable to cry, for she was too hurt.
My eyes missed the pain that she felt, the drugs she dealt all to gain new perspective and put a little green in the pockets that were almost torn.
i didnt even know who i was yet, but the thought of being her engulfed my every action.
all of my actions attempts to gain satifaction that i was one step closer to being the girl i saw.
and then was the moment i saw through it all.
this humpty dumpty i put so high up on an imaginary pedistol had her final fall.
This girl, was perfect, but in her mind she felt she didnt derserve it,
felt so far away from perfection she didnt know how to show it.
So she hid behind her clothes and her makeup, making everyone fall in love with a version of herself that was a lie.
A lie that left her broken and so unsure of herself and of peoples real emotions, because her real self had left so many turning for the door she didnt know how to portray herself in such a way to make anyone she loved or cared for stay.
Her story is real, her fall was so great that the impact was too much for her fragile broken body to take.
so she didnt take it. she took the easy way out.
she killed herself on the same day she lost herself long ago.
the same day she found that being a revolving door to men and their baggage was the only thing that made her forget for a while.
I hope shes happy where she is and i hope she will smile to know that i aspired to be the real her, not the one she appeared to be.