I breathe.
In out.
An exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide
between my lungs and an unforgiving world.
how many breaths does it take to get to the end of a life?
filth slowly filling up our lungs.
slowly killing us.
we can stop it though.
we can end it early.
we have the power.
but we will never know the answer to the on going question;
*how many breaths does it take to get to the end of a life?

do you ever feel so lost?
not lost in a way where can't find your way home
but lost in way where nothing seems to make sense
no matter how hard you try something goes amiss
wanting to talk to, see and just be close to that one person
without feeling like you are completely annoying them
they say they want to see you too but never make the effort
talking for two months and you've only hung out once
but that one hang out made all the difference
englufing you in what you ultimately tried to avoid after failed attempts
you fall into like with him
he captivates you
every message glowing on the screen making you fall harder
thats when you know
you've gotta get out while you still can.

Metal armies invade my womb.
taking care of what I cannot.
clinging to me for life,
I carelessly take yours away.
Marching to the slow drum of your not yet formed heart.
The armies march.
Away from me they go.
Content with a job well done .
My body aches.
You are no longer with me.
Three moths flew by so fast.
You were growing so big.
And yet I killed you.
With metaphorical hands I murdered my baby.
They did the job, but they know not what I go through since you've been gone.
I think back to the shiny hospital bed.
The pan they carelessly threw you into.
Thrown away like garbage.
I think of my stomach.
Flat once again.
No life within it's walls.
Room checked out.
Cleaning crew comes.
My belly is new again.
Maybe ready to try again someday.
Life taken.
Vacancy.

Forever alone,
definitely not.
forever me,
that's more like it.
if I am me then im happy.
No guy deserving of my love would want any more or any less.
no changesto be made.
To say the hit "call me maybe" describes my life would be an understatement.
Im one of those girls who unfortunately falls for guys too soon.
I tend to be overly involved and excited than i should be,
but hey, more to love.
My life is changing rapidly.
No car, no boy, and school.
It may not seem like it now,
but ill make it through this.
Forever alone. never.
Forever me. always.

A lifeless corpse I lay on the floor.
I shake with fear you might return.
Clothes once on my broken limbs,
lie ripped and tattered on the floor.
Blood runs down my face
a wound from being too loud.
"Shut up! Someone will here you!"
A scream cut short by a blow to the head.
Blurred vision.
In my happy place I pretend that you are my husband and you love me.
Your hot breathe down my spine.
Your hands clutching my innocence.
Holding it above my head.
You've won.
Hazy memories engraved into me forever.
You will always be a family member.
But I will always love you.
Daddy by day.
Monster by night.

Hot.
He takes a deep breath.
Closes his eyes and lets go.
The heavens open up.
He sees the light getting closer.
He hits the water.

How dare you speak,
or rather choke my name out of your mouth.
A crevasse so dry an empty,
I am bewildered you could even remember it.
You throw out these dusty words into the air,
my name spread unto this uncaring and ungrateful world.
Why speak of me?
The past has happened.
move along.
Calling out old skeletons in a closet that has been locked for centuries.
Do you speak to call me back?
Are you alone like the many times I was?
Even the slighteset taste or even touch of human flesh to you would help.
Not from me.
Do not tie my arms with this bile you speak from you lips.
I block my ears in fear that I might hear the call from your soul
The one that captivated me and so many others before.
Do not blanket me with lies.
Lies told with such skill that you believe them yourself.
Crawl back into the depths of my closet.
Do not bang on the locked wood that I might let you in again.
Off with you
Be gone.
The past has happened.