Love and lust
Are all tangled and complicated
In the pile of my clothes on the floor
We're twining our bodies in and out
Of the positions in which
You
Could make love to
Me.

It's not that there's people I want it with...There's people I DON'T, you're not on THAT list at least

The ache in my heart
Is equal to that
In my groin
I want you because
Because
Because
If you take me
It means you love me.

I'm waiting for a perfect night, Alice. That's when I want it.

And I know
You still love her
But GOD ******* **** IT
She's willing
To rip your heart out
Then tell me to clean up the mess.

I love you.

And that still feels good
After the
Aborted attempt
At seducing you
And my tears
You hold me
And remind me
Of a perfect night
When you first told me those words
And I can't help but feel
You want me to have
Hope.

Reminisce
On years gone by
Already feeling too old
To be alive
I remember
When I was ten
I learned to lie
When my heart couldn't mend
What I was
Wasn't the way they wanted me to be
I twisted my everything
To find some lost ideal
I couldn't just be
A little girl in this world
My form had to transmute
Can't go back through the portal

The marker
(Sharpiepermanentmarkertwintip)
In your hand
I pull back
"Don't"
Fearing the ink
(Hopfullynontoxic)
Staining my forehead like
Your gesture would like
To suggest.
"But what if I write in Elvish?"
And I
Surrender
My palm
And your breath smells
Like
Pumpkin
Chocolate
("Idon'treallylikechocolatechips,Al­ice")
And a sprinkling of
Love
("Ilikeyou"saidmyotherpalminpen,yourhandiwork)
After the
First letter
It was too obvious
The characters
Were not
Elvish
(Softsweetnearsilentgigglesissuedfromyourlips)
As you wrote words
You knew
Mean so much to me
Though they really are
So little

You're cute
And a tiny
Heart

And you had
No coat
In this cold
(InIdahoit'salways30degrees,I'mfine)
And I gave you
My biggest
Coat
And we went
To your door
And your lips
Met mine
In the best way.

Now
You have my jacket
And I want to
Tattoo your words
Into my palms
(You'recute<3Ilikeyou)
But then
In
Green
You sewed
"I like you <3"
God knows
Where
And you say
The jacket
Makes you feel loved
And he says
You are
Fa
Fall
Falling
In love
And I want
To believe
I can hope
For
A
Bit
Longer
Than
Infinity
(Ihopeyoudon'tmindmesleepinginit)
Lik­e the way
You said with
Your hands
We should
Kiss.

Be good enough?
Body and soul
There's not purity in me
And I want to be
Perfect

I want to be the snow
Before it ever touches the ground
To be the thought
Of love
For the first time
In an innocent mind
I want to be what he needs
Even if I don't know what that is.

My flesh, on my back
It screams, begs for the blade
The pain
Puncture it like duck-skin
With a knife
A blade
Oh GOD PLEASE
Just give me the pain
But I can't.

I cannot
Give the blessed pain
To my own skin
Because I can't hide it.
Thank
Everything
That he makes
Regular checks of my
Palescarred body
As we lay amongst
Comforter and stuffedanimalmonkeysandhedgehogs
I can't hide the lines
On the expanse of my back or thighs
Because he caresses them
Thank God he thinks
I'm perfect.

I realize
The bandanna fits still.

It fits around my waist like it always has
For nearly 4 years.

Unfortunately, your love
Probably won't fit the same anymore.

The size of my waist may not have changed
But the shape and needs of my heart have.

It's not that I don't want your love
It's that you'd probably have to add material to make it fit.

I want to be weightless
To curl my legs in not-quite-all-the-way
And close my eyes
And be serene and quiet
And maybe sense
Warmth of the one I love
So close, perhaps even brushing against
My skin and hearing that
Breathing and
Heartbeat.