does the sun still shine in hell?
will I still be able to gaze back into your eyes when all is not well?
If everything ends in a disaster,
will you still think of me swell?
I'm beginning to dwell.

Pardon me for jumping to conclusions.
It's just this has happened before,
and I struggle to believe you'd be like them too.
So tell me my love,
Does the sun still shine in hell?

Short and sweet.
Let's reminisce on what you meant to me.
Although it wasn't enough for you,
and those night time conversations became day time affairs,
which seemed to take up all of our time,
you still made it to my favorite color.
Only you could make me that blue,
That smiley face yellow,
and all the colors in between.

How sweet it was to be so close to you,
even though you'll never say we got so.
I guess the relationship was one-sided,
but you were a catch.
Weren't you?

at 16 years old i fell in love with a boy
with the most beautiful brown eyes i'd ever seen
god if he looked at you the way he does at me
i promise you'd fall too, but
i only paint in blue now
it's not his fault but
i'm kind of really worn down now
it's not his responsibility but
he's breaking all his vows now
says he's always there but
finds an out somehow now
i wish someone would just teach me how
now
to feel okay getting out of bed in the morning, i mean
i know it's the middle of january
and the skies are always grey
but the coldness is much deeper
and the frost comes by and freezes anything liquid
so i guess it makes sense that frozen tears are tripping
down my face
dripping over lace
lies and cries and "yes, i'm fine"s
and it's not just the snow
it's always the rain
disdained complaints of a battle with pain, i mean
every time i open my eyes a little piece of me dies
even with his lips
speaking poetry to the skies
i am still not sleeping at night
my lunch goes uneaten
even the way he touches me
never translates to my dreaming
the nights are always cold now
i've got no one to hold now
'cause the only other person that's ever slept in my bed
is off with the boy who only loved me in my head
i SWEAR i'm happy for them
oh, can't you tell?
i swear i'd smile for you
if i wasn't living in Hell
she was caught in those oceans
the same way as i did
but this time it's all them
it's not one-sided
and that was the first
start to the worse
syllables falling apart when we
used to be well-versed
i'm burst, feel cursed
no way to reverse
i'm sorry this is all over the place
it's a little unrehearsed
but he's running
and she's with him,
he finally found someone that can keep up
i never joined track freshman year so
i can't keep up
but i miss her
more than i kiss him
and yeah, that's a lot--
i guess that's the difference
'cause yes, i found my prince
but we're both struggling to be strong
finally buckling under the things
we've been hiding for so long
but the darkness is the one thing
not changing with the seasons
conspiracy against my own heart
is still technically treason
call me an anti-hero-- i was that night
body on the floor seizing,
doing all the wrong things
for all the right reasons
i'm both objective, subjective, painfully adept at
burning bridges and then regretting the decision
envisioned a better revision
not this painfully clear collision
incision, indecision
no good at provision

my words have become jumbled,
the truth blurs to lies
but he really does have
the most beautiful brown eyes.
-a.c.b

I love it when it rains.
I love it when it pours, and lightning and thunder crash down,
hard. I love it when the noise of the thunder quiets down the crashing plates and pans, because dad got a little tipsy tonight. I love it when I can run outside and completely ruin my day-to-day appearance. oh if only you knew how much I hate how I look everyday. when I can play in the rain, but only when no one is around. I can't let people believe I'm a child, again.
I love it when I'm alone.
I love it when the silence becomes so much that my thoughts are screaming at me like someone attending their favorite artists concert. I love it when I finally get the hint. I get the hint and shut up and put myself on mute. I always end up cracking, I can't help but spill the things that take place at night. Night. Don't you just love night? when the moon has rose and the stars are out. you receive those, "you up" texts. people are asleep and its just you sitting outside, running outside. running.
running is just beautiful, isn't it? amazing how you're feet can take you places, places you didn't know you wanted to go. you can leave, take off and never return if you'd like, but my feet always end up at you're door. and when you're done being pleased, my little feet run home. there's only a few tears this time! how exciting! I must celebrate. I'll crack open my newly bought pack of cigs, just to indulge in five at a time. It's just lovely watching the smoke dance. I can't ever get enough.
You can't either. maybe that's why I want you more than you would ever want me, because I can never get enough of you and you can never get enough of the joy you get out of being uh pleased.
what joy I get out of writing though. it's like when you can't speak to the people around you, whomever they are. you can sit and write down whatever you please. I could write about you or I could write about what I didn't eat. I can talk about how low my weights gotten(only a few more pounds to shred!!) or about the lovely book I've been reading.
I don't know where I went with this one though. I don't know where I went. "I don't know who you are" someone told me that and I've never been able to reply(still can't hehe) but I must close this up,
whatever this is. whatever I'm just as confused as you.

he wouldn't date me,
but he'd 10/10 "smash."

he'd take apart of me,
but wouldn't appreciate me.

he never called me beautiful,
but hot and **** were first to leave his lips.

when he looked at me,
he didn't look in admiration,
rather accomplishment.
another one to add to the list.

but when it was just me and him,
he talked to me for real.
he told me about what he wanted from us.
he said we'd last awhile.
i questioned him about his previous cheating,
and he replied,
"it's always been you."

he held my hand for the first time,
on his way to drop me off.
he later cuddled me,
wrapped up in his arms.

"it's always been you."
it's always been you.
but i don't need you,
and you sure as hell don't need me.