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Chestnut curls kissed by the sun, waved
on a day of melancholy gray.
She stepped out from that awning that protected my car
that protected me, from her.
Slowly, it rained around her,
angel's tears surrounding like beads of dust.
"God, she's beautiful," I said,
and she walked behind a pillar.
I never even saw her face.
It was many and many a year ago,
  In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
  By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
  Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
  In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
  I and my ANNABEL LEE;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
  Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
  In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
  My beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
  And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
  In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
  Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
  In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
  Chilling and killing my ANNABEL LEE.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
  Of those who were older than we—
  Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in heaven above,
  Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
  In her sepulchre there by the sea—
  In her tomb by the side of the sea.
 Oct 2013 Alexis Peterson
MKB
I write your good-bye letter over the course of two days.
I started-over seven times—hunched, under the weight.
These worn pages and spilt ink, remember your name-
I hear it softly murmured among their rustling grain-
And as mine fades from the aged oak of your sprawling bed frame--
There is nothing left here for me.

My pen falls as the climbing-cry of cold morning comes,
With a quaking in my wrist, and sharp silence in my gums;
The patchwork quilt is half-hazard, and snaked across the floor-
Where your tremolos dreams had tossed it-the night before,
And only your body’s ghost-imprinted on the mattress-do I look for-
Because there is nothing here left for me.

It’d been fun, I suppose; like Peter and Wendy, infinite and young-
We’d drawn together and merged; then delighted, we had run-
From the duty of daily, the city-those mechanical ghosts scattered among,
And the curtains of riches-in the air, which we’d spun-
Had garnished all of our days; a honeyed veneer of ambient sun!

Yet severe as the prophets-or poor Noah in God’s storm-
In the corners voracious shadows gladly took form
With the slipping lines of your smilem, the lingering chill round the door-
Fall had swept in violent: laughter-dead then, was mercilessly tore-
From our wild-flower wind-pipes, that once inviolable, bore-
Proof of something here left for me.

Now aching, I crease the note crisply and vainly, do try,
Turning it caged, between frail-bird fingers, to descry-
The moment opulence burned, and from the ashes recast-
Mocking imitations: these edacious phantoms! Aghast!
Howbeit! Were we not unassailable then! United, so certain to last--?
Yet just silence, is here left for me.
I blame emotions and Arrival of the Birds from "The Crimson Wing: Mystery of the Flamingos". It's a gorgeous piece-give it a listen.
Thoughts of you are near me this morning as close as though you were sitting next to me
I wish you were
And I wish it were raining here, and we were once again under the shroud of something bigger than ourselves.

I wish you knew what it feels like to be next to you. I wish you understood what it is to be held at arm's length. Always with you, waiting and watching for the moment you let me in. And in time you do, always, but it is something given like a gift. I wait for it.

I wish you were here today, as I awake, and could feel the warmth of your body next to mine though your heart may be closed from my view.  Behind walls that you're constantly erecting and dismantling before my eyes.

I am okay with the builder in you;  the walls I know every stone, every irregularity and every crack. I know also the man who comes in and knocks down walls to my amazement, and I see the surrender in your eyes when you do. In those moments, I reach out and cradle your heart lest you trample that too.

You have always felt undeserving and my love is something you have never been able to stomach all at once. It's too much.

We argue about what this means. To me it means I overwhelm.

You understand it to be something different which loses its magic in describing its attributes. It is not meant to be understood you say. It just is and that's that and why are we talking about this anyway?

And you laugh gently and hold me in your arms too tightly and I know it matters though we lack the words.

This is how it is with us, as imperfect as lopsided pancakes and instant coffee which I serve to you and you're polite enough not to spit out. As well worn as the t-shirt I sleep in that was once yours and is now too small and full of holes. Something that I have claimed for my own, the same way I claimed your reluctant heart.

But it wasn't always reluctant. You got brave and when you kissed me it was as though you'd been getting brave for an eternity and I swooned in the power of your love.

Swooned, my word, not one you'd ever use. But I did, the ground shook beneath my feet and everything changed. You reached deep inside me and stole my heart in that moment. I didn't even know it at the time. But you did, didn't you?

After years of this dance we engage in, I think I finally know the steps. Advancing and retreating as we have for years. I know this one by heart. You've favoured the periphery lately and that's alright Love, I've always been too much for you.

How deep is my love? Do you know now and trust that it won't drown you in its wake?

Oh Love, life is a funny thing, and when you left the dance hall momentarily. I wasn't ready to let you go. I just figured you were taking your leave and would return. Never did I think that perhaps it would be the last time, our last dance. Never did it occur to me that I wouldn't have another moment with you. And when you told me that there was nearly no breath left in this life.

Did you see for a moment what lay beyond? Did you turn back, because you knew that we couldn't do without you? Not yet. And perhaps we'll never be ready but I was so happy to hear that you would be here just a little longer. Until, maybe, just maybe I learn what saying goodbye feels like.
 Oct 2013 Alexis Peterson
Jenna B
I don't understand you, although I desperately want to.
when I first met you, I was completely intrigued
by your words and your voice
you gorgeous voice that has the ability to make me melt
your beautiful words, that are so raw and true they make me shudder,
(although they are laced with just the right amount of confusion and wonder)
those were the parts of you that first caught my attention
I looked at you, and you seemed to be an open book
I went over to read you but it was simply a mirage
you have this illusion of simplicity but you are so deeply complex that sometimes,
I marvel and wonder if you could ever understand yourself...
I try to see past your walls, to what drives you
and sure, you've given me a glimpse once or twice
but it only made me urge to see more

Now- this is the part I don't know if you'll appreciate
See, I zoomed in on you so hard and concentrated on you so intensely,
trying to get you and capture your aura
that the rest of the world began to look a little...inadequate
and I think that you puzzled me to the point that
I started falling for you.  

In fact I fell so hard that I went a little crazy
I must have hit my head
I was crazy to live like you, and be with you
Maybe it was that little hue of ridiculousness that allowed me to see you more clearly
and oh WOW
I realize now that the more I think about you, the less I will ever understand
I know that you are such an intricate and vast soul that it could never be described
much less expressed verbally or stuffed into your body
You are truly the most stunning and flawed human being I have ever had the privilege of witnessing
I really think I love you now
and I just thought that you should know
So that you could understand a little bit of me.
 Oct 2013 Alexis Peterson
Pluto
I spoke to Scarlet this afternoon.
I hadn't seen her in such a long time.
funny thing is,
this is the first time I've ever spoken to her.
I've always liked to pretend she wasn't real,
was never there, and only a figment of my imagination.
but now I've finally found out
what she thinks of me.
what I've always thought of myself.
that, she whispers
was always the truth.

t   r   u   t   h.
what is that anymore?*

"whatever you can imagine is real."

well now I know.

I'm not sure
how much longer I can hold on
pretending everything was okay
or is okay
or will be okay
when in reality,
nothing is.
why do I keep trying to survive,
and continue telling myself I can
when I really, definitely, truly
cannot?
well now
I'll begin admitting.
they say that acceptance is the first step to recovery.
but who cares what they say anymore?
what if the only recovery left
for me
is death?
(the only escape)
well
if this doesn't serve as a suicide note,
I'm not sure anything else could be.
but if I survive the night, let's just pretend this was always supposed to be a poem and nothing else.
 Oct 2013 Alexis Peterson
Lkl Bri
When your hope has been torn down,
And when it's lost it's definition.
When your heart is clouded by storms of chaos,
And when you've just about given up.
When you lose your sight,
And you can't seem to find your way home.
- Just like always,
I'll be here.
I'll be there.
I'll be everywhere.
You can count on me,
Whether it's to lift your chin when your feeling down,
Or to hold you in a silent embrace.
No matter what I'll always be exactly what you need.
I'm your shield,
- In deflection.
Rejection.
Unseen Misfortune.
I'll take all the damage it takes to keep you safe,
Little Sister.
It's ironic how I write about love
when the only love I have experienced
was when I was a young girl
and some of my parent's furniture was older
than myself

I don't know if I am allowed to call it love
because at the time I wasn't so obsessed
with thinking about his smile and the palette of colours
within his eyes
instead I focused only on perfect plastic dolls
and disguising the crumbs that fell
onto my dress when I stole from the cookie jar

It was a love so selfish that when he kissed another girl's cheek
I turned scarlet with anger
and sabotaged the sculptures she had created
out of blue and green plastic blocks

but before the sculpture even hit the carpeted floor
I was already over the so-called heartbreak,
with my eye on another little boy
who laughed at what I had just accomplished.

Nobody has ever been infatuated by me since that day
and my love has never been anything but unrequited
and unwanted
and frustrating
and yet I continue to fabricate feelings of love out of thin air,
writing them down on crumpled sheets of paper
and imagining what it would feel like
if any of the things I wrote about
ever came
true.
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