too tired to write anything
that is worth reading
so I'll just drain my thoughts
and maybe I'll get some sleep

as for you,
why am I so sad still
when I try so hard to be happy
though it sure feels nice to not have
the weight of you on my shoulders

as for my mother,
when are you going to grow up
and stop treating your children
like they are ******* accessories
you selfish ******* *****

as for my sister,
put the cigarette down baby
and stop trying to act like mommy
you are too young to know
a sorrow this deep

as for my father,
why are you so morose now
I can hardly make you smile anymore
the only thing that keeps you going
is your bottle of whiskey

as for my heart,
stop leaping back to him
can you not see how fragile
and broken you are
start beating for yourself

*oh wow,
that felt lovely
and now I can sleep
safe and sound

a kite in the wind
hold on tight to me, sweetheart
and never let go

forget
seems to be the only thing
we want
to do

but you see
why would I want to forget
all of the times
that I smiled
and you laughed
and I sang
and you slept
and I cried
and you kissed
and I ran
and you chased
and I fell
and you caught
and we danced
and we loved
and we grew
together.

because despite my biggest of efforts
I can not forget
the most beautiful of flowers.

time
it mocks me
perched on its throne
tick tock
you are getting older
one step closer to the grave
that you have been digging yourself
*******

pucker up
lipstick smeared
red and coral
make a rainbow
on your thighs
across my neck
kiss you softly
bite me roughly
scratch marks
on your shoulder
scars line my wrists
but you don't care
I'll show you mine
you show me yours
take those perfect bones
and throw them on me
now let's disappear
in each other

bury my feet in the sand
each granule is a reminder
of how minuscule I am
sharp cold water rushes
angry against my shins
the shock leaves me gasping
but soon I become numb
walk along the edge of the earth
where the blue meets the gold
the sunlight kissing my forehead
my smile is eternal gratitude
it is moments like these
that remind me I am alive

why is it so late
why am I still awake
why can't I stop my thoughts
dead in their tracks
and tuck them in to bed
like you used to do with me
maybe I would sleep better
if your voice wasn't in my head
-------
I can't even remember

what you smell like
                                            (lie)
what you sound like
                                            (lie)
what you taste like
                                            (lie)
what you feel like
                                      (biggest lie)
-------
I shouldn't keep doing this
wanting you
craving you
needing you
It is unhealthy for the both of us
and I am sorry
so
*******
sorry
-------
yeah yeah,
heard it all before
forgive and forget
just like we always did
funny how we never really got better
-------
we
will never get better
I will
and you will
but we,
we will not.
there is no we, no us
only me
only you.