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4.7k · Jul 2012
photosynthesis
Alexis Martin Jul 2012
I want to sit in the soil
until my veins transform into roots
and reach through the Earth
clinging to nutrients
thriving
slowly my skin becomes petals
opening with the rise of each new day
basking in the glow of the sun
infinite

I want to sit in a jar
that you placed on your bedside table
on a warm summer afternoon
reminding you that I am forever yours
captured
but as I slowly wilt and wither away
and you begin to lose interest in me
you will find a new love to call home
replaced
2.6k · Aug 2012
fruit salad
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
watermelon grin
strawberry lips
blackberry eyes
nectarine skin

*you are so sweet to me
you taste so sweet to me
2.3k · Sep 2012
tobacco
Alexis Martin Sep 2012
a cigarette is a peculiar thing
it takes me to a different place
with every frail breath I take

I see my mother on the porch
a pack of Camels in her hand
the hand I longed to hold

I see you standing in the rain
a glowing ember near your mouth
the mouth that I longed to claim

I see him leaning against the wind
a Spirit in his hand and his heart on his sleeve
a heart that I longed to understand

I see her gazing out my window
the lighter illuminating her fragile bones
bones that I longed to trace

a cigarette is a peculiar thing
2.1k · Aug 2012
sea//dreams
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
lungs of salty air
seashells for hands
a pocket full of sand
sun rising
sun setting
over the vast blue blanket
covering mother earth
with waves as lullabies
she sleeps well tonight
she sleeps well tonight.
2.1k · Apr 2013
I wish I was a flower.
Alexis Martin Apr 2013
Flowers are so lucky
beauty gifted with death
accompanied by the promise
of a new life next season
-
1.6k · Sep 2012
wish wash
Alexis Martin Sep 2012
I wish I could give you
more reasons to love me
but I am sorely lacking
in that department
.
I wish you could see me
the way I see the flowers
but I am sadly hidden
behind fraudulence
.
I wish I could tell you
how my love for you grows
but I am fully consumed
with fear of rejection
.
I wish you could consume me
like the waves eat the shoreline
but I am surely no source
of any nutrition for your soul
Alexis Martin Mar 2014
sometimes my parents will ask me
"are you really going down that road again"
with such disdain and bitterness
and it just makes me so angry
because they do not realize that depression
is not a road one chooses to go down
and it is not a road one can easily exit
it is an unpaved road riddled with cracks and potholes
with no street signs or stoplights to guide us safely home
and to accuse someone of willingly taking that road?
well, that is how some of us end up there in the first place
-
1.5k · May 2013
I hate Mother's Day.
Alexis Martin May 2013
It's kind of hard
to find a Mother's Day card
that is fitting for you,
Mommy dearest
So I wrote you my own:

"Thank you for never loving me
the way a mother is supposed to love
her darling daughter.
You taught me that I will never be
good enough
skinny enough
pretty enough
to make it in this world."
-
1.2k · May 2013
85 degree weather
Alexis Martin May 2013
we looked silly with our goggles on
splashing around in your pool
somersaults and handstands
chlorine kisses and tangled hair
summer is coming
oh yes,
summer is coming
-
1.2k · Feb 2013
medication/vacation
Alexis Martin Feb 2013
and I count the patterns in the paint
and the tiles on the ceiling
and the freckles on your face
and the scars on my wrists
and the threads in the sheets
all in the midst of
a cough syrup haze
-
1.2k · Aug 2012
vaccine
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
it truly seems
that you are a disease
and I can't seem to rid of you
so I have learned to live with you

---

like a plague
you haunt me endlessly
though I am starting to love you
the way a wolf loves the thrill of the hunt
1.1k · Aug 2012
heaven + hell
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
guilt
can you smell it on me
can you smell him on me
can you smell her on me
how many more people
is it going to take
to get your tongue
out of my mouth

                                   release
                                   my hands have let you go
                                   my lips have let you go
                                   my heart has(n't) let you go
                                   how many more moons
                                   is it going to take
                                   to get your face
                                   out of my nightmares

relapse
again you are here
again you are alive
again you are(n't) mine
how many more goodbyes
is it going to take
before I finally board
that train to the coastline
1.1k · Aug 2012
lettuce go
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
you once told me
that you wanted to make me smile
the way I did when you kissed me
for the rest of your life
and I am smiling like that now
I have been for a few days
and you are the reason
not because you picked me flowers
or because you said I was pretty
but because you let me go
and now I have the sunshine
and I have the garden
all to myself
and oh,
does it feel good
thank you.
1.1k · Nov 2012
It's late and I'm delirious.
Alexis Martin Nov 2012
I hear your heart beating
from across the room
your asthma is so cute
when it is trying to **** you
-
Sink your teeth into me
****** fixated on my flesh
salt lingers on your tongue
here comes the chemical reaction
Alexis Martin Jul 2013
the night we camped in my car
in the backwoods of the city
I had an anxiety attack
so we drove to a gas station
got some water and antacids
slept in the bowling alley parking lot
woke up with ice covering the windows
it was only 28 degrees that night
but we slept safely and we slept soundly
because ******* it, we had each other
-
1.1k · Jan 2014
the art of deception
Alexis Martin Jan 2014
I can't draw worth ****
even my stick figures suffer
my paintings look like
pathetic Jackson ******* wanna-be's
spilled milk is more ascetically pleasing
than my attempts at water color
but there is one art I have mastered
(I'm not really okay)
-
1.1k · Jun 2013
Fri-end
Alexis Martin Jun 2013
sometimes you have friends
who bring you soup when you are sick
sometimes you have friends
who hook up with your ex boyfriends
that's life
-
1.1k · Jan 2011
Breathe
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
Thoughts racing, heart racing, lungs racing.
Stop.
Breathe.

This isn't real, you are not real, nothing is real.
Stop.
Breathe.

Falling, drowning, choking.
Stop.
Breathe.

Losing control, losing faith, losing my mind.
Stop.
Breathe.

Closer to the edge, closer to insanity, closer to you.
Stop.
Breathe.

I am broken, I am alone, I am surreal.
Stop.
Breathe.

In. Out.
Inhale. Exhale.
Let go.
1.0k · Aug 2012
adaptation
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
flowers flow
into cool ground
moistening and softening
they burst into long
white rays of earth
1.0k · Jul 2012
kiddo
Alexis Martin Jul 2012
she's the kind of girl
who wears rain boots in summer
in hopes of catching the eye
of anything or anyone

he's the kind of boy
who sews patches on his denim
in attempts to impress
the punkrock cardboard cutouts

they're the kind of kids
whose parents keep a watchful fist
on nothing but the bottles of gin
hidden in the top drawer
1.0k · Sep 2012
I'm a bitch.
Alexis Martin Sep 2012
tongue tied
knots of guilt
taste like him
taste like you
replace you
I'm trying to
he ****** me hard
better than you
he kissed my forehead
but I still felt you
the *** stained sheets
lead to blood stained wrists
I don't know what else to say
I hope this ruins your day
in one way
or another.
1.0k · Sep 2012
humanoid
Alexis Martin Sep 2012
she falls for the beauty
of the cheekbone and spine
constellations of freckles
road maps of arteries
as she combs her fingers
through luscious waterfalls
she harbors a constant longing
to understand the vital *****
residing in his chest cavity
Alexis Martin Nov 2012
Will you ever love me
the way you love
your perfume
your cigarrettes
your diamonds.
We both know the answer
to that question
now don't we,
Mother.
  -
989 · Feb 2013
Peter Pan Syndrome
Alexis Martin Feb 2013
"You're afraid of growing up."

Perhaps
but I see no shame in that
why would I ever want to grow up
if it means being
miserable
lonely
and drunk
like you,
Dad.
-
970 · May 2013
love bites
Alexis Martin May 2013
I wear a necklace
of bite marks
that you gave to me
because I look prettier
in bruises
than I do
in pearls
-
968 · Nov 2012
short//story
Alexis Martin Nov 2012
Instead of going out on that Friday night
she got out her old suitcase
and filled it with every memory
of the one who broke her heart.
She gathered every picture,
every love letter and poem,
every baggy band sweatshirt
and gently packed them away.
With her warmest scarf and mittens on
she hauled the baggage
down to the taxicab
and gave the driver an address.
"Here you are, miss
did you need a hand with that bag?"
She kindly refused the offer
and stepped onto the pier.
The suitcase grew heavier
and heavier by the minute
as she drug it all the way
to the edge of the dock.
Waves crashing against the wood
and the wind ruining her hair
she took one last look at the bag
and tossed it over the edge.
A single tear streamed down
her rosy red cheeks
as the tide took away
the suitcase full of broken promises.
She ran back to the cab
and asked him to take her home
where she could finally exist
without the burdens of love.
There is no moral to the story,
no real point to be had
Except that I am that girl
and I put you in that bag.
966 · Nov 2013
I am mad.
Alexis Martin Nov 2013
I lose control of my temper
as easily as I lose bobby pins
I am an ongoing game of Jenga
unstable
-
956 · Jan 2013
Jealous Sea
Alexis Martin Jan 2013
jealousy, jealousy
the way you look at her
and it is her
I long to be
-
Alexis Martin May 2013
I joke about that one time
when I tried to **** myself
cause it's actually sort of funny
in a completely sobering way
like,
girl feels inadequate in every aspect
so she tries to end her own life
and is a failure at that as well
(ha, ha)
-
945 · Sep 2012
goodnight darling
Alexis Martin Sep 2012
-
the cold wind sends
shivers down your spine
the same way your cold lips
make my lonely bones tremble
-
944 · Oct 2012
farewell to (bloody) arms
Alexis Martin Oct 2012
it hasn't even been a day
since I got out of the cave
and I can already see my demons
emerging from their hiding places
hello anxiety,
no I did not miss you
I see you there, razor blade
you can't hide from me
******, you sly devil
how did you get out of your bottle?
Since you all are here,
why don't you take a seat
and I'll brew us a *** of tea
For I have some bad news for you
and some good news for me
You have overstayed your welcome
I am cordially asking you to leave
and to never, ever return.
939 · Jan 2011
Lost Sheep
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
You love me,
You love me not.
Which petal will you pull off of the flower today?

-

So unpredictable,
like a weather system moving in.
Cloudy with a chance of heartache
Sunny with a high of butterflies.
I never know how to prepare myself.
Do I board up the windows,
or do I put my heart back on my sleeve?

-

Getting dizzy from the circles you spin me in,
my legs are growing weary from chasing after you.
I always follow your lead,
never asking where you are taking me
never looking before I leap.
That always comes back to haunt me...

-

Why is this all so one-sided?
Don't I have a say in things?

-

*Ha, that's a good one.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
929 · Jan 2011
Waving the White Flag
Alexis Martin Jan 2011
Get me out
out of this skin
out of these bones
out of this mind
out of this soul.

I need out
out of this place
out of these walls
out of this circle
out of this all.

I need to feel
feel alive
feel loved
feel wanted
feel you.

Make me feel
feel warmth
feel serenity
feel something
feel anything.

Show me a spark
a spark of hope
a spark of light
a spark of joy
a spark of life.

Give me a spark
a spark of trust
a spark of wisdom
a spark of strength
a spark of passion.



Wrap me in your love, surround me in your light.
Pull me out of this darkness, help me win this fight.
I can not do this alone anymore.
I surrender, I surrender.
926 · Aug 2012
cyborg
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
unfold brain like a napkin
separate thoughts from emotions
place them all in bottom drawer
seal with lock and key

power on
human mode
charging
battery full
910 · Oct 2012
You're so predictable.
Alexis Martin Oct 2012
the way your hand felt
sliding up my shirt
the other one making its efforts
to unbutton my jeans
you were trembling
it must have been scary
to be so new at this
knowing how many times
I have been here
your innocence was alluring
I wanted it
and you gave it to me
so happily and willingly
you'll always be
a hopeless romantic
for a lady who
can write.
Alexis Martin Nov 2014
the clock is ticking and talking
to me with its hands around my neck
until my throat is bruised, black and blue
reminding me of past events, of past lives
(I have died three times)
there's a boy, another boy, and another boy
no
there's a wolf, another wolf, and another wolf
they all must have the same taste in meat
(young and vulnerable, marinated in alcohol)
they aren't from the same pack, but they feel the same
when they hold you down and devour you
leaving nothing left but a pile of bones
(and a lifetime of paranoia, trust issues, bitterness, panic attacks, depression, rage, therapy bills, suicide attempts, hospital visits, scars, addictions, alcoholism, low self-esteem, family estrangement, failures, eating disorders, and the ever-present feeling that I am being watched)
-
#tw
902 · Jul 2011
Dreamland.
Alexis Martin Jul 2011
She looks beautiful with that face on.
That is her goal
distraction.
Her chapped lips painted red,
sunken eyes lined with black.
Her skin and bones dressed up in silk,
lifeless hair pinned back.
She looks beautiful with that face on.

But no one knows what is pumping through her veins.
Those magic chemicals
synthetic.
She can no longer feel the things we can,
caloused to all emotion.
Her heart was sold to the devil,
the devil on the street corner with a bag of goodies.
No, no one knows what is pumping through her veins.

She signed her name in blood on the dotted line.
All she wanted was an escape,
temporary.
Now that realm is all she knows,
reality is a thing of the past.
She can never return to the life she once had,
but why would anyone want to go back there.
To that place.

Besides,
she looks beautiful with that face on.
900 · Aug 2012
whoops
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
the realization
that it was never really love
but it was just an idea
a seed that was planted
beneath infertile soil
with the hopes of a harvest
bringing color and beauty
luscious and full
but you see, my dear
a garden can not grow
without being watered.
893 · Apr 2013
NDA 3 months.
Alexis Martin Apr 2013
I don't know what is so sacred
about a pinky promise
but I do know
that I have never felt
so sure of anything
as I did with your pinky
wrapped tightly around mine
as you whispered in my ear
always
-
Alexis Martin Mar 2017
I didn't really know much about whirlwind love
or shotgun weddings
Until I went out with a forbidden boy in my new city
almost immediately we were struck by lightning
electric and on fire
with his hand on my face
dancing and kissing and sweating and laughing
someone thought we were married
so to make it right
he got down on one knee and I spent the week as Mrs. S
I broke all my own rules with him
*** with the lights on, holding hands in public
giving up my jaded and calloused heart
my favorite moment?
standing in the shower with him
listening to Beach House
hot water falling on us like sweet honey in the summertime
the soft glow of afternoon sunshine beaming in from the window
we took turns washing each other's hair
and kissing each other's necks
nothing has ever felt so pure
so safe
so beautiful
-
870 · Aug 2012
lie detector
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
“How did you know you loved him?”

I was too drunk to answer with a lie
So I poured out the truth like wine

I knew I loved him when
His name tasted sweet on my tongue
The warmth of his touch became an addiction
Every dream, every thought was consumed by him
My smile lit up as if I swallowed the sun
Each kiss was a flower blooming with color
Making love to him left me feeling infinite

You see,
I knew I loved him because
Losing him took the breath out of my lungs
and
Telling you this took the beat from my heart
855 · Aug 2012
haunted
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
I don't tell many people about you
About how we met as kids
how you were my first kiss
after class behind the basketball hoops
about how I was in lust with you
for almost five years of my life
but you never let me have you
not completely, anyways
I could have you in your sheets
or the back of your car on a Friday night
no one knows about the bruises on my wrists
the black eye that I came home with
Oh that?
I fell and hit a dresser, clumsy me

No,
I don't tell many people about you.
844 · Jan 2013
Or maybe I'm just a fool.
Alexis Martin Jan 2013
I only ever fall for the damaged ones
like projects, or patients
I want to fix them, cure them
And I sew pieces of my heart onto theirs
to cover the scars and holes and cancers
Maybe it's because I feel that I myself
will never be a completely whole person
so I spend all of my time and energy
trying to fix the ones I feel deserve to be
-
837 · Aug 2012
0:00
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
time
it mocks me
perched on its throne
tick tock
you are getting older
one step closer to the grave
that you have been digging yourself
*******
836 · Jan 2013
Back to where I was before.
Alexis Martin Jan 2013
It's been colder in my bed
without you here
I have no arm around me
no hand tangled in my hair
there are no good night kisses
no good morning tickles
bathtime is routine again
no more water fights to be had
afternoons are spent alone
no spontaneous sessions of love making
(I'm sure the apartment below
is quite thankful for that)
-
basically
what I am getting at
is that I miss you
and I hope to god
you miss me too
835 · Dec 2013
Glass Beach //// NDA
Alexis Martin Dec 2013
one of my favorite places in the world
is a beach made entirely of glass
each little piece of color was once a broken story
sharp and jagged, it could cut open veins with ease
but the sea was patient with the shards
spent time polishing and softening their edges
until their true beauty was revealed
-
(you are the waves
I am the glass
you make me beautiful)
823 · Aug 2012
(in)convenient store
Alexis Martin Aug 2012
so many inconveniences
-
the tiny parking space I am given
the red lights on the way to work
the empty pack of cigarettes
the commercials on the radio
the obnoxious children next door
the distance between you and I
the fact that you are just a boy
the realization that I am getting older
the light that flickers on my vanity
the churning in my stomach
the god awful heat wave
the lack of flowers in my garden
the lack of a garden in general
the promise of you moving on
the ache residing inside my chest
the empty pill bottle on my dresser
the nightmares about you
the heart that refuses to let me die
-
so many inconveniences
Alexis Martin Feb 2013
cycle
rinse cycle
rinse and repeat
repeat offender
offense defense
defender of the light
light of my life
life without love
love will break you
you will break me
me, who am I
I am just words
words thrown together
together forever
forever doesn't exist
exist is all we do
do you want to
to exist somewhere
somewhere secret
secret is safe
safe in your arms
armed forces
forces stronger than love
love
love
love
love
*love
796 · Jan 2013
Souvenirs from the New Year
Alexis Martin Jan 2013
a cigarette burn
on my thigh
and mascara stains
on my sleeve
-
795 · Nov 2012
night/mare
Alexis Martin Nov 2012
All I wanted was to go to the beach
to smell the fresh salt air
feel the sand between my toes
I had you in my arms
I had you in my arms
But the ocean was a building
and the sand was a series of hallways
Before I knew it, I was back at the hospital
needles and machines poking and prodding
Doctors and nurses shouting and running
like the mindless drones I know them to be
But still,
I had you in my arms
I had you in my arms
You were the only one
who believed in me
when I said I didn't want to die
You were the only one.

-

Nothing like a good ol' fashioned nightmare
to rattle your spirits and twist your stomach
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