My darling
My darling
I am craving self-destruction once again.
Louder than love
I crave the end
Breath me in for once I may be dead
Destruction may find a way to win
Again.
Leave me,
Destruction will be my comfort
Darling you won't have to
anymore.

If you wanted to find my heart
You would have to find the door.
And the door would be made of words and ideas
That you would have no idea what they are good for.
So I suggest you leave me now
If you aren’t ready for a challenge
Full of traps, attachments, and strings
Because I guard the door too hard
And for that I know true peace

Your names are in bold,
By the way,
Just if you were wondering.

You guys seemed to have a common sense of things,
Like knowing me,
But not knowing all of me
Or not particularly caring about me
And how you all somehow
Ended up
******* me.

I miss your cologne and camel cigarette smell.
I miss your chest and the way it felt against my head.
I miss our late night talks in my car, smoking cigarettes even if it was raining.
I miss the things you would say about life and love.
I miss how much of a hopeless romantic you were.
I miss our late night skypes and deep facebook messages.
I miss how well you got along with my parents.
I miss how cute you were when you closed your eyes.
I miss watching B-rated horror films with you for hours on end.  
I just miss you.

but

I don't miss how you treated me.
I don't miss how you only admitted you liked me when you had a couple beers in you.
I don't miss how you brought another girl home while you were fooling around with me.
I don't miss how you stated "just friends" before we did anything.
I don't miss that you would constantly send me mixed signals.
I don't miss feeling like **** every time you left.
I don't miss that endless sense of waiting for you to respond to my messages.
I don't miss you constantly talking about your ex.
I don't miss your insecurities.
I don't miss your lies.
I don't miss your alcoholic parents or your awkward sister.
I don't miss your anger problems.
I don't miss your broken soul that I tried so hard to piece together.
I don't miss your torn heart, the one I tried so hard to mend.

I'm really trying not to miss you.

I really am.

Puff, puff,
pass me and don't say hello.
Forget that I made you whole,
Your ******* ****** you
up,
didn't she?
but you didn't have to take it out on me.

I knew I was important,
when I read that Charles Bukowski quote you posted
Before me,
you had no idea
who Bukowski was.

I strive to remember when white powder
was the flour
that we would bake mom cookies with
instead of the list of bookies
I keep sin in
and ring in
when I need 'em.

I strive to make clear water, ever clear again
instead of the Everclear I decided
to drown myself in.