In the soft quiet of a dark night's snowfall
My car glides along the tracked precipice
as the lights from across the lake twinkle into my passenger window.
In a state above, flying near whence the snowflakes come
I feel the night give itself to me, to my experience just then;
Like every sparkling street light, patched snow on the ice, bright Christmas light
Gave me every last drop of itself,
every bit of what makes the world so beautiful.
Sitting kitty corner to company at a traffic signal,
the greens shone down on the two vacant sides
I have a sense it has forgotten me, though I am not far from sight.
This is my neighborhood, here my streetlights, my winter air.
A road so traveled, a road I could follow in my dreams.
It always takes me home.

Hand in hand they walk by my fishbowl
Carefree, they stroll past
Linked by fingers on the sidewalks of city blocks.
But not I.
Not the girl in the fishbowl.
I am in a romance with circumstance, she said.
The leaves on the trees are my loves.
The wind whipping through my hair, the comforting caress of a 'you' thats never there.
That’s why I prefer the green hues of a shaded roadway to the golden glow of a transient love. Nothing gold can stay.

Its a sunday...

Music I can't hear
The clouds dance above me,
move like water,
fronts and pressure converge over my very abode.
The sun will set every day, it is just my job to be there to watch it.
If I can anchor myself to that, the daily convergence of the sun and the earth.
That one moment that hangs the two worlds between, where the sun takes its last breath of evening air and dives below the surface to come up anew on the cusp of the next day.
I can bank on that.
If I cannot find my way up or down, If I know not of the ground.
I can bank on that.
I need only to tie myself to the one unforgivable variable. That sun slips down and I know it will come back to me.
Its so sure, I could just breathe it in. And that's all I need.
That is the one thing I will rely on.
Its just you and me, sunset.
I'll meet you here at the same time tomorrow, dear friend.

Perched on a curb
     Blue Glass
          Red Wine

Inhale...
               crackle crackle
Whoosh...

     I hang my own clouds in the sky tonight.
     The corners of my mouth turn upwards
I am surrounded by my familiar twinkling friends.

Inhale...
          A brightening ember crescendo of light illuminates the tip of my nose in the dark night.
Somehow, this feels
           Magical...
                    Comfortable...
                              Right.
This time I breathe in the cool night air.
I am content to be alive.

Look into my eyes
rest your hand on my cheek
brush my hair off my face
please... just take from me what I truly seek.

Press your lips to mine
Just let me breathe you in so deep
I want to give in to this,
Let it take me to where I've always dreamt I'd be.

To feel this so deeply
Our breath tangled sweetly
How desperately I want to be in your keep.

Often I wonder if it is in my eyes.
That horrible, vacuous feeling.
The formidable silence of my heart
breaking
cracking
falling to pieces.
And it is always there.
Through every smile, joke, and laugh.
But I wonder if you see it.
If any one of them catches that resignation to sadness in my eyes,
in my defeated sigh
or if it just eludes them,
just as it often eludes me.
A black hole just out of my reach,
housed invisible in my chest.
It is terrifying to be carrying around such a powerful thing.
Something that strains against my chest
like the four walls it's been given
are nowhere near enough to contain it.
My own heart can't contain it.
Its just too real.
Its just too raw.
Its the stuff of nightmares for even the strongest.
It cannot be ignored.
It will not be ignored.
It is just too real.

Hello again my dear lunar friend.
I've caught you hung low in the clear sky on this cold july night.
The stars look so beautiful, so bountiful, so vast.
I swear I could reach my hand up and let my fingers graze the speckled ceiling above.
Not a single stitch between my head and the sparkles above.
The Big Dipper hangs so low, I almost think it might dip into the lake and refill before my eyes.
The wind whips around my ears,
swirling in sounds of crickets and the summer night.
Scents of beautiful flowers that take flight in the air,
rise into the trees above me.
A sweeping glance above,
these are my angels and saints.