It made my dingy, blank walls look and feel ok,
plain halogen bulb feel less harsh.
It made this whole apartment
the one that just felt so concave
squeezing me in from all sides
Burst out convexing outward just moments before collapse.
I can breathe...
I feel ready to sit with this mountain of sadness
Now it is a companion rather than my formidable enemy.
I can now safely explore,
like a deep sea diver who has just put on a wet suit
protected from the determined invasion of a bone chilling cold.
It pushed me to hear the words of the songs hidden in the clamor of music.
Stringing up the words that remind me of who I am.
Am I calm?
On the outside...
On the inside, I am the perfect storm.
For now, I am pulling my tide back in.

And it's sad that we don't even talk anymore.
Now I don't even know where you put your feet on the floor
and we used to lay our heads in the same place at night.
And it's strange how much things can change in such a short lapse of time.
The cross of two paths
our eyes don't meet
all that you hear is the sound of our feet.
Our silence is deafening,
I think it's the sound of defeat.

It's the insufferable feeling of being wide awake when the only thing I want to see is the inside of my eyelids.
It's the biting cold that tears at my face standing at the bus stop.
It's that incessant need to get inside my van and drive until I feel real again.
What does it take to feel real?

I'm sorry but…

If I can't find the evidence

that you have the mental swiftness

to keep up with this

I'm sorry but you're a person I won't miss.

the snowflakes fall from the sky and they sparkle like diamonds

the light from the streetlight glints off their frozen figures

nights like these, walks like these

my frozen breath coming out in clouds around my head left to mingle with my thoughs

the soundtrack of my life plays through the speakers in my ears and my footsteps sound on the slate rock path

something in this night is just beautiful.

what happens when your faith falls apart?

what happens when youre all alone

youre running through the dark

your restless thoughts

gave way to your restless heart

and now youre restless legs have you

carried away

carried away

youve found that you cant stop

youre running down the streets

youre following your feet

oh where did they lead you

oh where did they lead you

your restless thoughts gave way to your

restless heart and now your

restless legs have you

carried away

carried away

your body fails to step once more

your pounding heart lets you know

you cant run anymore

so look to the sky and get

carried away

carried away.

its ok to fall apart when you are in God’s hands.

Let’s press our hands together.

Lay your forehead against my cheek.

My heart lays in between my head and this pillow, nestled there, singing me this lullaby.

So love, wrap yourself next to me and hum for me til i am lulled to sleep with your gentle song.

Weave me a blanket with your melody, leaving it here with me til morning when you aren’t beside me.

So love, lets press our cheeks together and hum our lullaby until the dawn chases away the night.