Often I wonder if it is in my eyes.
That horrible, vacuous feeling.
The formidable silence of my heart
breaking
cracking
falling to pieces.
And it is always there.
Through every smile, joke, and laugh.
But I wonder if you see it.
If any one of them catches that resignation to sadness in my eyes,
in my defeated sigh
or if it just eludes them,
just as it often eludes me.
A black hole just out of my reach,
housed invisible in my chest.
It is terrifying to be carrying around such a powerful thing.
Something that strains against my chest
like the four walls it's been given
are nowhere near enough to contain it.
My own heart can't contain it.
Its just too real.
Its just too raw.
Its the stuff of nightmares for even the strongest.
It cannot be ignored.
It will not be ignored.
It is just too real.