The house was burning.
Not literally of course,
But every word spoken was a spark that never quite faded out.
Every action taken just added more charcoal
Until the smoke filled my lungs
And I couldn't breathe.

The house was burning.
There was no safe place for me.
Every emotion was used as lighter fluid
As each day the fire became brighter, louder
I can still taste the ashes, dry as the desert sand

The house was burning.
And I was the one with the water
I was always the one to make sure it never burned for long
I drowned in the water as I tried to put the fires out
So lay me to rest alongside this burning house,
Lay me in the ashes and smoke that now feel like home

Shattered screams fade into the background
Seconds pass, though it feels like hours
I can't seem to remember your smile
The sweet sound of your laugh, ringing out through the room
The way your eyes glowed the perfect hue
The way your hair flowed in gentle waves
The way you lit up the room just by walking in
Your presence was not loud
But it called to me
I was captivated by you
Our moments spent together, our silent song woven together
It was not enough
I was not enough
Now all that is left of us is in shattered memories
The shards laid bare with no one left to see
As my memory fades into the night
Maybe those shards of memory might help me to find my way back to you

Open my eyes and tell me I'm alive.
The ghost of you still haunts me.
Shattering my soul, my heart, my world.
So, open my eyes and tell me I'm alive.
Take my shattered soul and lay it to rest with you.
On the haunted hill that we used to share.
While I stay here, with my eyes open, my heart beating.
Still alive.
But without you.
So, for the final time, open my eyes and tell me I'm alive.
My darling, we will soon meet yet again
On the haunted hill that we used to share.

Here I fall,
Waiting for you.
I will wait forever.
Even though as I wait,
I can't breathe.
I can't speak.
But as I fall,
I know that you will soon appear.
I'm free falling
And I don't know where you are.
I'm trusting you to be there to catch me.
So here I am waiting with the only words I am to speak:
"And here I fall, yet again."

A child.
Just a small child.
Left to hide from the world.
The small bits of hope she carried,
Where all but smashed
By the cruel hand that raised her.

A 14 year old girl.
Just 14 years old.
Yet she carried so much on her shoulders.
Left to hide away from the ones who she thought would
Care for her
And protect her from evil.

A 16 year old girl
Just 16 years old.
She cries to herself.
She never lets anyone see how she is broken,
Just becuase of the cruelness of life
That left her shattered in tiny pieces.

Do you really think that I'm that heartless
I would let my friend get hurt because of me?
I have tried and I have tried.
There just is no stopping her.
I know,
Morgan is hurting.
I know that.
But I can't stop it.
Andrea won't stop.
I can't stop her.

But what hurts me the most about this is that...
You think I'm
HEARTLESS

Hey, Brother.
Are you proud of me?
I bet I'm everything you thought I wouldn't become.

Hey, Brother.
Do you still love me?
I know it will be a miracle if you do.

Hey Brother,
Can you remember me the way I was when I was little?
It would make me so happy.

Pulsing,
Throbbing,
Beating.
I can feel it.
My heart.
Beat-Beating in my chest.

It's telling me that I'm alive.
Shadows of doubt are fading away with every
Beat-Beat of
My heart.

I am alive.
I am free.
I am who I choose to be.

As I sit here,
The words pour out.
Shining, shimmering.
Decorating the page with beautifully painful words.
A deep, scarlet red.
The words soak into the page,
Leaving their imprint on the readers.
Letting the readers soak up the emotions off of the page.
The pain,
The happiness,
The joy,
The amazement.
The words are pouring out of me
And I hope that they can help someone.

I'm staring at a monster.
I don't know what to do.
I'm standing alone with no one to help me.
I must do this.
I must beat this.
For if I don't,
I fear I might die.
This monster is already killing me slowly.
All the words it whispers into my ear.
Fat, Ugly, Worthless.
How am I to beat a monster that is right?
It numbing my emotions to where all I can feel is nothing.
It is destroying me,
But I must destroy it.

Love.
What even is the point?
I've been betrayed.
I've been stabbed in the back.
All because love has blinded me from what is really there.
I was told that I was loved,
Yet left the very next day.
It blinded me until I was forced to see the truth.
I don't trust love anymore.
It just plays with my emotions.
Forcing me to love someone,
Knowing that they will leave me.

Pink,
Magenta,
Red,
All the same,
Just different hues.
Just like me and you.

Nothing.
A vast expanse of emptiness.
There is nothing.
Only me and these winding thoughts.
Down,
  Down,
     Down,
Thoughts swirling down into the abyss of my mind.
Always remembering what has been said.
All the hopelessness I want to forget.
Anything I onced hoped to happen, but never did.
Down,
  Down,
     Down,
Hello, dear thoughts,
I welcome you to my mind again,
I have become accustomed to these dark thoughts.
I will survive these thoughts.
Down,
  Down,
     Down,
Here we go again.
Here in this blank abyss.

I've been left alone.
No one to call my friend.
No one cares.
My worst fears have come true.
And I don't know how much more I can take.

It's strange, isn't it.
One minute you can be friends with someone,
Only to be hurt by them the next.

It's strange.
One minute you are happy,
Only to want to cry the next.

Everything is strange.

I have a stalker.
But the thing is,
I know who he is.

He is my 'friend.'
Or at least I thought he was.
Spencer...

Grab me.
Follow me.
Watch me.

I want to tell you stop,
But you won't listen.
You won't stop.

I miss you.
It was my fault that I lost you though.
Just likes its my fault that I still love you.

I miss you so much.
I never wanted to leave you,
But sometimes you have to do something you don't want to.

I miss you.
I did what I had to do
In order to keep you safe.

I miss you so much.
I will always love you.
Just like I will always blame myself for what happened.

You say I'm insane.
You are right.
I am insane.
I am broken.
I am shattered.
I am absolutely insane.

It hurts.
It hurts when you are betrayed.
Especially if the one who betrayed you was the one friend you have known for seven years.

But you know what they say.

The worst thing about betrayal is that it doesn't come from you enemies.
It comes from your closest friends.

Pathetic.
Disappointment.
*****.

Ha.

I thought you were supposed to be my friend.
All that time I spent by your side.
Every single time you left me and I stayed by your side.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND!

But no, you had to ******* mess with my life.
You had to make my other friends hate me.
You had to make me want to die even more.

What a wonderful friend you are.
You said we would be together forever.
You ******* liar.

People think that my life is perfect.
My smiles are real.
My cover wrists aren't scared.
My eyes don't shed a tear.

People are wrong.
My smiles are fake.
My wrists are scared.
My eyes shed thousands of tears.

People think that my life is perfect.
My parents are sweet and nice.
My body is only bruised because I fell.
My spirit isn't shattered.

People are wrong.
My parents are monsters.
My body is bruised because of them.
My spirit is completely shattered into a million pieces.

I'm lost.
I'm losing my friends.
My family is horrible.
I'm losing my mind,
Trying to fight these thoughts of suicide.
Note I said trying,
But really its more like failing.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm tried of everything.
The lies,
The names screamed at me,
The hits I take.
I'm done with it all.
The only people I stayed for was my friends,
But I'm losing them.
I'm lost,
So very lost.

Zora,
Zoe,
Zoey,
Zoe Zoe.
So many nicknames,
But no matter what you were called,
You were still one of the greatest dogs I ever owned.
When my grandparents called today to tell me that you were gone,
My heart shattered.
You were with me ever since I was little.
You protected me.
You played with me.
You helped me through hard times in my life.
Now you are gone,
And yes, some people will say "she's just a dog, get over it and stop crying,"
But you were my best friend.
I can't replace you
And I feel like I can't live without you,
But I know that somehow I will manage.
It will be hard,
But I know that your spirit is still with me.
Zora,
I'm sorry I couldn't be by your side when you died.
I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye face to face.
I knew your time was ending,
But it didn't stop my heart from breaking.
Yes, I know,
You're just a dog.
But to me, you are more than a dog.
You are my childhood playmate.
You are my best dog friend.
You are my rock.
Although I guess I should say was,
But you still are my best dog friend.
You always will be even though you are gone.
I love you, Zora.
I always will.

Breath in.
Breath out.
You're fine.
For now.
But how long can I stay hidden?
Soon they will find me.
I don't know how much longer I can bare this pain.
Its more than just emotional,
Its physical too.
But I have to hide it.
The bruises on my arms,
"I just fell."
The scratches and cuts on me,
"It was my cat."
Lies.
It was them.
My parents.

"Amber, you're ugly."
"I know, Mom."
Please stop reminding me.

"Amber, you're fat."
"I know, Dad."
Can't you see I'm trying to be skinny?

"Amber, what is that on your wrist?"
"Nothing, Mom."
You wouldn't care even if I told you the truth.

"Amber, you only hurt yourself to get attention."
"I'm sorry, Dad."
No, I'm not trying to get anyone's attention.

"Amber, you are so pathetic and lazy."
"I know, Mom. I'm sorry."
I'm trying to please you by doing what you want me to.

"Your only here becuase your mother ***** me."
"You have already told me that, Dad."
I'm sorry I'm here.

"Don't call me your mother."
"Yes, Ma'am."
I always knew you hated me, but don't worry, I hate myself too.

"Why are you even here?"
"Becuase of Mother."
I honestly don't know becuase I should be dead.

How many times are you going to yell at me?
I didn't mean to.
I just was looking at the knife
And then the next thing I know,
You are here screaming at me as you bandage my bleeding arm.

How many times are you going to scream at me?
I didn't mean to.
I was born
And look at me, I was a mistake from the beginning.
And yet it still hurts when you scream at me
Because I know that you truly don't care about me
And you will leave me just like they did.

Hey, Friend.
I'm back in Louisiana.
I thought that you would be here like you always were.
I guess that I was wrong.
All because I didn't save you.

Hey, Friend.
I'm back at the park we were at when we first met.
I can remember our shrieks of laughter like it was yesterday.
But now, I will never again hear your laughter again.
All because I didn't save you.

Hey, Friend.
I'm back at your house.
I'm here remembering all the great times we had together.
I know that we had it all, but I guess that it didn't matter.
All because I didn't save you.

Hey, Friend.
I'm back at your grave
With a rose in my hand,
Wondering why you are now gone, although I know it was
All because I didn't save you.

I have been weak.
I have been strong.
But sometimes,
You need to see blood.

Fade.
I'll fade away from your memory.

Don't worry.
You barely even remember me now.

When we were five,
We met for the first time.
You both were always gloating about how you two were one day older than me.
We grew to be great friends
And for the first time in my life,
I felt like I belonged.
We promised that we would be there for each other.
The twins and me.
Always protecting each other.
Always helping each other.
Always saving each other.
Always together.

And now we are fifteen.
And both of you are gone.
A ghost that I can't bring back.
We always said that we would protect each other,
Yet I didn't protect either of you.
We always said that we would help each other,
Yet I never helped you.
We always said that we would save each other,
Yet I didn't save you,
We always said that we would be together,
Yet where are you now?

Now I am fifteen,
All alone in my own world,
Waiting for the day I will join you
And finally feel like I belong again.

I don't know what to say.
I can't speak,
You have taken all my words.
I can't find the words to describe you
And how you make me feel.

There is only one thing I can say:
               I love you.

Screaming
Crying
Help me, help me
No ones listening...

Words, thoughts
Tangled together in my mind,
Waiting for the one little push
That makes me fall off the edge.

No
One
Cares
That
I
Am
Slowly
Dying.

I'm lost.
I don't know what to do.
People scream at me.
Tell me I'm worthless,
I'm a horrible person,
That I need to change.
But I can't.
I've tried and yet you still say these things
What am I doing wrong?
What can I do to become the person you can love?
What can I do to become the girl people won't hate?

I'm screaming,
But no one hears me.

I'm screaming,
But no one cares to save me.

I'm drowning,
But no one sees me.

I'm drowning,
But no one will save me from myself.

It's time to say goodbye.
My life has finished its course.
My string of life about to be cut.

The only thing to do it say goodbye.
The only problem is that no one cares about me.
No on to care that I will soon be gone,
So what is the point of saying goodbye.

For a few days, I will be mourned for,
But then brushed aside as the girl who killed herself.
The whole world forgetting about me.
Forgetting that I used to exist.

So now it is only me and this blade,
And the blood dripping from my arm.
A fresh wave of pain and blood comes with each cut.

Soon I will rise this knife to my neck and slit my throat.
Soon, but not now.
I still have to say goodbye.

No one sees the tears in her eyes.
No one sees the scars on her wrist.
No one sees the bruises on her body.
No one sees how much she's hurting.
No one sees how she stares at a knife, longing for the silence of death.

I'm the girl that walks alone
With her wrists covered so your don't see what she has done.

I'm the girl that gets pushed down at school
With her hair covering her face so you don't see the tears in her eyes.

I'm the girl that sits in a corner
With her head lowered so you don't see the tears rolling down her face.

I'm the girl that sits unnoticed
With noone to care so you don't know she feels so horrible.

I'm the girl that is constantly told that she is worthless
With her wrists bleeding red and covered so you don't know how much she wants to die.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the scars on my wrist.
I'm sorry for my thoughts.
I'm sorry about my life.
I'm sorry that I can't be the girl you want me to be.
I'm sorry.

You are a monster.

There was once I time I cherished being with you,
But then I realized what you really are.

You are a monster.

I'm waiting for the day you finally say why you put up with me
And **** me.

You are a monster.

I know that now,
But I still can't escape.

I'm sorry,
It's all my fault.
I know that you blame yourself,
But it wasn't you.
It was me.

I'm sorry.
You would be better off without me
And what I put you through.
Please stop caring about me
Because everything is my fault.

I'm sorry...

You gave me a red rose
To symbolize your love for me.
You gave me a black rose
To symbolize that you are leaving me.

You went onto someone else
And left me in the past.
So, I am angry and coming for your
Head.

You were not my first mistake,
But you will be my last.
Many people have done this to me.
Now they are skulls locked in my closet.

Their skeletons grew
Because of the roses that were tossed in.
Their skeletons kept
As a reminder to everyone.

And up their femurs
Came the vines.
Round their ankles
Slept tired time.

In their sockets
Napped with hate,
And in the ribcages
Snored the love.

And as I threw
More roses in,
I wondered if loving the bones
Was a sin.

I'm fine, fine, fine.
I'm lying, lying, lying.

I'm fine, fine, fine.
I'm drowning, drowning, drowning.

I'm fine, fine, fine.
I'm hoping someone sees through my lies, lies, lies.

I'm fine, fine, fine.
I'm hoping someone saves me, saves me, saves me.

We're partners in crime.
We're birds of a feather.
Together until the end.

I would die for you,
And you would die for me
Because we can't survive without each other.

I'm one half,
And your one half.
Together we make a whole.

We will always be together,
No matter how far apart we are
Because we are best friends.

Silence.
No one wants to hear your voice.
No one wants to listen to the words you have to say.
They just want you to stand there and be silent.
And with every word you choke back down,
They win.
Because you stayed silent.

Silence.
It fills you up and eats you alive.
You want to speak so bad, but you don't.
But every word you don't speak
Feels like acid.
It burns, it hurts,
And yet you don't do anything about it.

Silence.
Maybe it's time to stop the silence.
Maybe it's time to fill the air around you with words.
Maybe it's time for you to take your life back.
Don't think, just speak.
Do not care about other people.
It's your life and no one has the right to silence you.

Hi, I'm Worthless.
Well, that's what you tell me,
Worthless, ugly,not good enough.
Tell me, what is your definition of worthy, pretty, good enough.
You might be a person, but you have no right to make others feel like ****.

Hi, I'm Worthless.
Why do you call me worthless?
Because people like you have gotten into my mind and others minds?
Because people like you have damaged others so severely?
Because others starve themselves just to try to be skinny and pretty just like you want them to?
Because others harm themselves as a result of people like you?

Hi, I'm Worthless.
But here's the thing:
I'm not worthless.
No one in this entire world is worthless, ugly, or not good enough.
You just can't see that because you are so busy bringing others down.
No one needs to fit in your definition of worthy, pretty, or good enough.

Hi, I'm Worthless.
Wait, no I'm not, and neither is anyone else.
You can call us names and hurt us, but what you say is wrong.
Everyone is worthy, pretty, and good enough in their own way.
Everyone's world is different from yours.
So hi, I'm Not Worthless.

Scaredy Cat
Scaredy Cat
Afraid of little me.

Scaredy Cat
Scaredy Cat
I'm insane, you better be afraid.

You said that she was too fat,
But you didn't know that she was starving herself.

You said that she had too many scars,
But you didn't know that she cut herself so maybe, just maybe, she could feel alive.

You told her to die,
But you didn't know that she would actually try to die.

I am a poet because
I have seen many things.

I am a poet because
My voice has been silenced.

I am a poet because
Poetry is my voice.

I am a poet because
I am screaming, if only you would listen.