Do you know where my heart has gone?
It's supposed to be in my chest,
Nestled in my warm rib cage.
I know it's been missing for a long time,
But it's mine.  It was made for me, and I was made for it.
I can't give up on my precious heart now.
Not ever.
.
.
.
It ran away.
It didn't even say anything.
Yes, I had my suspicions, but I wasn't sure if it was safe to believe.
By now, it's hundreds of miles away,
Sitting right there.
In your hands.

I must ask of you, fearsome person.
Protect my dear heart.
It is frail, and timid.
Keep it warm at night,
And make sure it stays happy.
From here on, *I give you my heart.

Everyone wants to be a superhero.
Or a supervillain, in some cases.
Everyone wants to be special,
To defy the norm,
To be loved,
Praised,
Worshipped.

I’m one of the lucky few who got what they wanted.
But here’s the thing about wishes;
There’s always a twist.
A glitch in the code,
A setback,
A call to reality,
To make us pay for our selfish wants.

What’s my power, you ask?
It’s certainly a good one.
And my curse?
It’s a doozy, I’ll tell you that.

I can’t fly,
I can’t communicate with animals,
Can’t breathe under water,
Don’t have super strength,
And I can’t see through steel.

I have the best power of them all.
I can become Invisible

I can easily slip away from anything without being noticed,
I can watch the world unfurl, completely unaffected.

Thing is, I can’t become visible when I want to.
My power chooses its own schedule.

Meaning…
I’m completely alone, 80% of the time.
I can’t make friends,
Because they can’t see me.
I can’t have conversations,
Because no one wants to talk with a ghost.
I get left behind,
Because no one knew I was there in the first place.

I must be strong.
I have to be.
Because no one will be there for me.
No one wants to care.
No one can.

I talk to myself,
Or watch the world like a show,
Craving to be a part of it.
I know it’ll never happen,
But it’s always fun to dream.

Of being loved,
Wanted,
Noticed,
Acknowledged.
Heck, I’d even settle for being hated,
If it only meant that I would get to know what it feels like,
To be looked in the eye.

Have you ever felt the feeling,
Of being looked through?
Like a window,
Or a spirit?

It starts to get to you, ya know?
You start to think about it,
Start to stop seeing yourself as well.
Suddenly, you don’t even exist.
Not to anyone,
Not even yourself.




Oh, yes.
I am so,
Very,
*Special

Isn’t time supposed to flow in a linear direction?
Isn’t that why they’re called ”Timelines”?
You’re born,
You’re a baby,
A kid,
A teen,
An adult,
Old,
Dead,

Last century,
Decade,
Year,
Month,
Week,
Yesterday,
An hour ago,
A minute ago,
Tomorrow,
Next week,
Next month,
Next year,
Next decade,
Next century,
Next lifetime

Isn’t that it?
That’s how it goes?

Well then, what’s wrong with me?

I know I’m getting older,
But I can’t see today.
What is now,
When I keep looking back?
I’m taken back to my past every day.
To the good,
To the bad…

Yesterday, it was October 13th, 2014.
Last week, it was January 8th, 2015, and 2000.
Today, it’s October 14th, 2015….
Wait…
What’s wrong with the calendar?
It says it’s January 20th, 2016…
Where am I?
When am I?
Where did the time go….?

Welcome to the party, do you have your mask ready?
Everyone’s dressed like the rich and the famous,
And who knows, some of them may be.
Here’s your chance to get out there and make a scene.
Make some memories with some complete strangers.
Or some old friends, you’ll never know.
Oh, but who’s over there?
Across the room, against the wall,
Quietly chatting away with the tall stranger in a crow’s mask.
That’s me, of course!
Where’s my mask, you may ask.
It’s right here, resting perfectly on my face.
Can’t you tell it’s a mask?
No, maybe not.
That’s because this one was made just for me.
I made it myself.
It’s taken me years to perfect it,
So no one would know when I wore it.
I’m sorry I didn’t get a special mask for the occasion,
I didn’t have the time.
And I’m sorry this mask isn’t as festive as the others.
You see, this mask looks just like me, spare a few minor details.
For example, I’m wearing a bright,
Happy,
Smile.
That’s something you’ll never see on my real face.

The darkness,
It started out as a small drop,
In the center of my chest,
And like a *cancer,
It spread throughout my whole body.

It swam in my veins,
Coated my lungs,
And swallowed me whole.
It seeped through my skin,
And began to form around me,
A black cloud, I've become a shadow.

This darkness feels like it's all I've ever known,
I don't know who...what I am anymore,

But sometimes...something magical happens.
Him.
He's danced with my shadows,
And blown away the clouds,
And I slowly feel this darkness peeling away.

The day he told me he loved me,
I swear it was like he beamed a *flashlight,
Right at my heart.

*I think he knows how to turn the lights on.

How can the broken fix the broken?
I'm not broken, I'm just fragile.
You were ready to **** yourself just the other day.
It was a moment of weakness.
Tell me you don't wish you had died that day.  Tell me you want to live.
I don't, and I do.
Tell me you won't try again.
...
TELL ME YOU WON'T TRY AGAIN.
I'm not a liar.  I cannot speak that which I'm an uncertain of.
You've been falling for so long you don't even know it anymore.
What are you talking about?
Losing yourself piece by piece so gradually you haven't noticed all that you're missing.
I'm right here.  This is me.  I cannot be missing what does not exist.
Anymore.
You must be thinking of someone else.
You're probably right.  You're just a stranger.  Whoever it is in thinking of died long ago.