Stumbled across the ocean. Always wondered where the first place I'd find it would be. Stumbled into Argentina where the black girls are scarce, I wonder how many have seen the ocean? Up until now it was just blue space on the map. 20 years old and never seen the ocean, have you even lived? Who deprived you of such a simple thing? 70% of this earth you never touched or seen. Stumbled into argentina and I finally saw the ocean. South America granted a long lost dream.

I left my intended destination
And didn't have anywhere to really be for a few hours
So I drove aimlessly
Parked my car, paid the meter
And walked aimlessly
It's funny the things you notice when your world seems to be ending
Like how busy the east side is no matter the time of day
I wished I lived down here
Because the eery quiet of the north side just reminds me that I'm alone
Even when I'm not
See the east side may be boisterous but
At least it's not hiding anything
That prowler that's hiding in the back alley, he knows his limits, he knows your scream can be heard anywhere
But on the north side people ignore screams because its just so quiet and they rather the screams die off
This morning I could've screamed
I wanted to throw up, just die off
In that 10 minutes I wanted to just end
Then I got in my car and drove to the east side
So much life
When one ends another begins

Anything worth having is worth fighting for.
I fought to get here,
I have to fight to stay
Living a life that's so extraña
Smelling air I'll soon olvido
So I'll have to learn to take mental pictures as I camino por las calles
Como yo espero para el colectivo
For the first time I knew where I was going and it started to become a habit
Home becoming more and more this city where I know very little
Like a niña in kindergarten again
Starting over
Recomenzar
Mama parece more and more unlike my face
But heart just the same
Language different but she's mastered estreno in all languages
An expert in ayúdame
I'm so small in this big city
Wide eyed and afraid
But I knew where I was going for the primera vez
God brought me here quedar.

He intrigues me enough that I answer steadily and instantly, even though he'll take another eternity to give me another sentence. Even though I know Blasian wouldn't approve, that he's done so much more in 2 months than he's done in years.

But his baby face always softens me. Knowing when I've reached my wits end, he brings in new tactics to bring me back in. Always results in me laughing hysterically like a silly freshman, but deep inside I want to be the strong woman I aspire to be.
He told his aunt I was real, that I always kept it 100.

Just when I thought I was going unnoticed, I was the girl he always bragged to his family about. Showing how beautiful Yanni's niece, Fe's baby, Mani's little sister has become. Connected. You'd think it would work out. Unfortunately, like most chauvinists, it is difficult to realize a good woman until someone else realizes it too.

A playlist of all the songs that remind me of you.
In constant rotation as the days pass.
They put us into context.
Music to your ears whenever I seem too far
Whenever you need a reminder

Press play

They were trying to rid the world of us that day.
Twenty four hours to take us captive long enough to make us hate ourselves.
It was confusing at first simply because it was unheard of in 2014, but this day was an exception.
"What'd we do wrong?" My sister and I exclaimed as the officer lunged at us weapons in hand.
He couldn't answer besides continuing to ensure us that we were a problem just being ourselves.
We ran, made them trip over themselves as we took shelter in a basement of others just like us in hiding.
They didn't know either. Our mothers had warned us to stay put, first time they forced us not to come home just because the risk was too high. Twenty four hours to wipe us out.
I dreamt last night of a black women holocaust.

she said she proud of me, and I wonder what for

Get so lost in all this I forget who got me here.
And she told me I owe no one anything,
But I owe everything to those who share my blood.

See, this isn't only about me.
This is for Thomas, Joann, and Louise that grew up eating peppered hay because they couldn't much afford anything else.

This is for Madeline, Miss Maddy, my yellowbone grandmother with eyes that change with her mood and hair as thick as her love. My Tennessee native that was a lover of molasses men despite the blue eyed blood running through her veins.

This us for cousins that never left me without a laugh or thought. The siblings I inherited because they would never go away, still haven't. Even if the streets have gotten the best of them, when I look at then I remember the times they rushed to my rescue no questions asked.

This is for my siblings that lost their way, but always pushed me to keep going.
  
For my father that was bold enough to use a whites only bathroom.
For my mother that is the only black nurse in her department.

This is bigger than me.
we love you, and are so proud of you.

"running on my mind boy, running on my mind boy."

times like this I sit back and reflect on how many times
i thought of you today, i lost count after being awake for 2 hours.
No matter what I'm doing, you seem to surface
So i want to kiss you as I cross from Dayton to Charter
I want to lay with you as i walk back to my dorm
I want to punch you during Tae Kwon Do class
Run from these feelings on the treadmill,
but I always get tired after 2.5 miles.

Sometimes I think of you so much it scares me.
Because I've never been so stuck.
So reserved for one person because nothing
else feels right.
I feel like I took those embraces for granted because thinking
about you now gets me through...

So when some other is pursuing me
they notice I tend to daze off
because I'm comparing them to what I rather have.
And I flinch at their embraces because I still know
yours all too well.

Two months have passed, and I've thought of you
every single hour on the hour.

you just always seem to be onmymind.

I forgot how it feels to not be in the dark all the time
I grew used to it
Thinking maybe I had longer to go
Before the light came out again

Then he came with his light skin
Reminding me that I'm worthy of a great morning
every morning


It's exciting because he's so new
myneophyte
Yet, it's like I've known him in my past life
like i've felt it before
yet it still feels new

Meeting all my standards
Proving good things come to those who wait

I miss him.
But I don't mind waiting for mine.
myneophyte.

Caught me off guard thought my eyes had me mistaken. The fell took place but I already missed it. Already gone while I was slipping on the pavement. Never tried to chase the wind, but I did and I tripped. Mouth full of air, eyes full of guilt.

Came across a photo of you with your face buried in my neck and chest, resting so soundly. made me miss nothing more than getting lost in your black boy magic, finding powers in good morning kisses and gold in everything you do.

Tomorrow marks June 2nd.

For me it is the day I find out if I have been accepted into the School of Journalism.

For her, it is the day she finds out the *** of her child.

I remember freshman year we became friends. She was skinnier than me, and shyer too. Always lookin' mean, but I saw her smile and she let me see her smile all the time.

Now the hidden sweet girl will be someone's mother soon.
I hope she let's her child see her smile too.

My departure wasn't a great enough reason for him to break the silence.
I wonder what his reaction was when he saw my number pop up,
I wonder if he sighed from irritation as he read the message and just erased it from the phone and his memory.
I wonder if he felt tenderness for a split second.
I guess I thank him in a way because he never wanted to hold me back, and I know if I saw him
I definitely wouldn't want to leave him.
So he forces me to let go of yesterday
And dive into tomorrow
Hopefully forgetting him one day at a time
Until I can look back and say
Thank you for forcing me to let go.

When Grampa and I first started going together he took me to the state fair and we got on the Ferris wheel. Ya know Gramma is scared of heights. Well we went on the Ferris wheel, and stopped at the very top. Then grampa just started a'rockin the seat. I was so mad at him, and promised I'd never go on another ride with him. And I didn't until the grand babies came along.

worth me walking at 11:30 at night to be with you come midnight just to be the first to tell you happy birthday.

worth the throbbing I feel between my legs when you hold me, pressing yourself against me so I can't think of anything else but this throbbing.

worth early mornings spent watching you sleep. Feeling you feel my back dimples, as if your hands are fully conscious even during your slumber. Pulling me in closer until our legs are completely intertwined and I have no choice but to give in to you.

You're worth me giving in to you.

I've loved him since I was 14.
Before I knew what love was
Or what *** felt like
He was my friend first
That dropped names such as
Beautiful lovely and gorgeous
That made me feel like more than a silly freshman.
He loved me before anyone really cared to know me.
Before my mind body and soul began to mature.
He cared enough to be patient
To let me know he was in it for my heart.
We always came back to each other
no matter how long
So I know he'll be back in December,
And I'll be loving him like I did when I was 14 as the days glide.

I'll remember him by the mix match socks I borrowed to cover the smell of my feet after a long day in my tennis shoes.

April 6th: Our first time

July 6th: Our first I love you.

August 29th: The first time you said I was you everything, forever.

December 7th: The first time I tried to say good-bye.
                           It was too painful, it scared me.

May 2nd: The first time we spoke after a month apart, and my hands were shaking.
                  I missed you.

July 10th: Our last time.

July 15th: The last time we had a conversation.

July 16th-Present: Missing you, loving you, thinking about you.

All I have are these dates, and I find myself staring into space just thinking...
With your face committed to memory.
Wondering if any new dates will come..

She had eyes like a horse.
Big eyeballs, but lids that couldn't contain them.
Her eyes were all seeing, always wanted to burst out of the small slits.
Almond shaped, her family teased them saying she was Asian.
Such big eyes, but such thin slits.
As if there was something behind them that needed to be held back.
Almost as if God created her knowing she would need less space for tears to run down.
Those eyes trained her over the years to let the pipes of her mind well.
To fill until it was utterly impossible to keep the water detained.
Those slits were more like levees right before Katrina came.
Strong until a stronger force reckons with it.
They held it all in for her.
Slits that thought they were saving her from her own emotions.
Levees that were suppose to stop the water, Levees that save the public
However, they were drowning her.
An accumulation of emotions that only she had to face.
Alone, in her own ocean.
Oh, those small slits and her horse eyes.

Just a boy, just an ordinary boy
And he spoke nothing short of ordinary words
But if he's so ordinary tell me why I fell so fast and never looked back?
It had to have been my smile that brainwashed me, it had to have been the sunshine that gave me a bias.

Now that I see him as beyond ordinary, I'm being forced to separate my mind from my body and heart. I'll smile as I'm being told I'm a mistake. I'll refrain from bursting into tears as my feelings are no longer spared, as parts of me hold more value than me alone. It'll be fine right?

But if his words are so ordinary why do they make me feel so low? Just the silence shows it all, his lack of interest almost. Just an ordinary heartbreak.

I always see these days coming.
Slowly rumbling…
It's like walking on eggshells
Never knowing what exactly is gonna be the catalyst
So I wait.

I was painting my names (black ironically)
When my mom came back from getting the car washed
Another list of things that have went wrong with the car since
the new owner came into ownership
Rear damage, filthy, missing hub cap

It set her off

Then it turned into an explosion when my sister walked in
"14 year old boy"
"crackhead"
"mentally insane"

It hurts just because I've said all these things just last night
My mom continued her rant, she used to stop to spare my feelings
But this time she saw my head nod in agreement
I would've snapped along too
We were exhausted
Like just talking at a wall that didn't see the strain she was putting on this household
It used to be Cartel, then he left for 12 years and thats when things started to take the turn
Maybe she just felt like there was room for a new family **** up
But little did she know she was the last one left
everyone else had grown up.

Obsessed
Losing myself trying to find you
Keep you, touch you
I guess I just needed a little space
A little break
Just to remember who I live for
To realize that  the sun rises and shines regardless
Of where we stand
A few days just to separate the now from the then
Because those memories are what keeps me
Just keep chanting "forget him forget him forget him"
But I always slip up a few times a day and forget to stop remembering what we were
Just keep chanting "remember remember remember"
Maybe then ill remember to forget him

When those soons turn into forevers and the days seem to drag along because you know someone is missing. You're just waiting for him to come home.

So we left his room the same your honor because we didn't know how long he'd rip the streets because he always came home. He loved us. He laughed at us, we laughed with him. He was my mom's first born, and they had a special bond you see. A bond that showed me that my mother can love through anything.

Believe it or not it was the first time I saw her sad. You just felt her mood dampen when she came to my room and said they gave your brother 12 years today, and closed the door without offering another detail. And I cried in my lonesome. We all did because he had already been gone 6 months and now I was being told the next time he'd be free I'd have a college degree, a whole new life, I'd know things that I didn't know because he was gone when I was only thirteen.

Your honor I don't know why he did it. He was the first born. The first grand baby, the first favorite. I admit I was jealous at his everyone always had a soft spot for him, but then he'd ask me to do something and I'd do it because I loved him. He was my brother, and not a day went by that he didn't remind me how annoying it can be to be the youngest. But your honor we gave him all we could collectively. I don't know why it wasn't enough. You sentenced our family to 12 years, but you let murderers run free. You took my brother. He never saw me off to prom, never met my first boyfriend, never saw me graduate. He never told me how to be a woman because I was only 13 when you took him from me.

Learning

I have to learn how to love a busy man
Not a man that is busy loving others
But a man that is busy loving himself
Loves himself enough to
Leave me to focus on his assignments
Returning when they're complete
Loves himself enough to choose
His education over a few texts and facetimes
Promising it'll pay off in the end

Whether or not I'm around to benefit
I have to learn to love a man that is busy
being productive for the future
Sacrificing his social life
But always fitting me in
To remind me that when
Dynamics
Isn't occupying his mind
I creep back in

It has its perks though
You don't have to worry
about him straying unless its
with a math problem
him caressing anything other than
something he's built with his own hands

So when he disappears for hours
I sigh
Then remember and daydream
of him
headphones in
face in a book
reading about dynamics
sighing

As I sit in bed
headphones in,
reading
about Rosaura

See she was separated from her love too

"An impossible dream. Others dream that they are millionaires. I dreamt that a woman loved me."

One night only can never truly be.
These lingering feelings have nowhere to be
But inside of me
But if they only knew what goes on,
They’d **** us.
They wouldn’t and couldn’t accept us.
We are not equals.
They expect more from me,
Less from you
I’m far too good for you,
But do I care?
Not in the slightest.

The male ego is sexist and stingy.

"You let someone else have what's mine?"
I am mine.

"You were supposed to hold me down!"
I prefer to breathe, rather than hold twice my weight underwater, struggling to breathe because you're holding me both up and down. Wasting time and adding unnecessary weight with baggage.

"I've watched you grow up."
One of us had to. That does not mean you are entitled to my newfound confidence, independence, or intelligence.

The male ego forgets that women have hearts too.

When I say "I'm tired", I really mean that my heart is tired.
I'm tired of smiling when I want to cry.
Tired of talking of how happy I am when in reality I can point out all that is going wrong.

When I say "I'm bored", I mean that I've grown bored with living day to day like everything is alright. I'm bored with the character I portray.

When I say "I'm lonely", I mean all the people around me aren't you so I might as well be alone. I don't see them because I rather see you. They're taking up space and time. Time of theirs that I'm wasting because I know no matter what they can't distract me from you.

Those poems painted pictures of everything I wanted to say, everything I actually meant.
But he never understood what I wanted him to see. He couldn't read between the lines. He couldn't hear the bleeding love in the notes I sang.

He couldn't translate.
We lost us.

Find someone that slow dances with you to fast songs.

Slow it down.
Put your arms around his neck as he pulls you in by your waist.
Look up just enough so your cheeks can press together as you just
R o c k
To an inexistent beat the two of you created just to make this space feel like it's just the two of you.

*aint nobody in the world, but you and i

I only thought about him once last night
I was too busy dancing
Trying not to sweat
But it was inevitable
The tequila wine Hennessy and Amsterdam just made me forget him
I was too busy not being slept on
It was hard to remember him as I was just stumbling trying to remember where I left my phone last
Just to check it and notice he had once again went ghost
So he'll never know that I let someone grab my *** or my breast...
He's forgotten that I'm a smooth talker
So I smooth talked 3 guys into rubbing my charcoal stained feet
And I giggled and thought **** I hope they wash their hands after
He's so sure I'm somewhere staying put
But I really just wanted to **** someone other than him for the first time in two months
And I tried, but I fell asleep
That's just God telling me not to be spiteful

Once a good girl goes bad, she's gone forever

Always find myself comparing everyone to you...staring into deep dazes sighing just repeating "**** they don't make em like you no more"
You weren't perfection, you made me cry, scream, yell, sulk, slap and punch you.
But you made me laugh, smile, kiss, hug, and touch you way more.
I complained about you disappearing for hours at a time, not replying to my texts, not answering my calls, not making time.
Then I got tossed into this sea of fishes again,
And they made you look like a saint like Prince Charming.
So I'm wondering as I lay my head down tonight if I'll ever love someone the way I loved you.

Breaths heavy like the rocks that plummet in your gut.
Unfaltering, uncompromising
Hard like difficulty like it is loving someone like it is letting go like it is digesting rocks
Because rocks aren't meant for your gut
So it's hard
Loving someone isn't meant for letting go
So it's never easy.
Let's be easy like apples pies, no, bean pies because those are more rare
Easy like falling without fear because you have someone to hold on to.

It was just a dream, but I awoke wondering why exactly I would dream of such a catastrophe. Maybe I have a subconscious fear of a hate for not only by race but my *** being institutionalized within my society. I skimmed through my brain searching for events that may have triggered so many tragedies:

My voice is rarely heard.
Swallowed deep into a throat of men who close their ears to avoid
the risk of damaging their eardrums with my pitchiness.
Forever straining to shout a little louder, speak a little deeper, so maybe my message is heard by my counterpart the first time.

Constantly I am undermined.
"it's fine" my male counterpart states to a student that has broken the rules.
He encourages the disrespect of his female counterparts and students simply by being more of a friend than an authoritative figure. He knows his privilege and chooses to sleep on it.

I'm tossed to the side. In a room full of people, I am drowning in myself. Isolated simply because I get frustrated with trying to catch the attention of someone that loves the spotlight. Feeding into his need to constantly be seen, by seeing him it causes him to do more to be seen. He doesn't realize I prefer smaller conversations, inside jokes, lower tones. Those moments when you can hear someone smile and eye contact is unavoidable.

I dreamt of a black women holocaust because I was feeling powerless.
As if my role in the work was losing value. My presence fading away to the point where i physically feel small. Reminiscent of my 12 year old self that didn't know how to speak up, nor how to be strong. My 12 year old self that didn't know it was okay to be prideful of my black feminisms, nor that I can be content in my lonely. All alone in rooms full of people.
But in my dream the goal was to rid me from these rooms, rid these people of me.

Maybe my dream was more than a dream.

I knew it when I woke up today.
It was something in the way the sky seemed to droop
The way the rain was barely there, but it was.
I knew it when the sweat gathered on my neck as I rolled over, wondering what the point of leaving my bed was

I felt it as the image kept replaying in my mind as I tried to scrub myself clean of it
It was in the way the notes in the love song didn't have their usual meaning, but seemed to be the explanation as to all the reasons I didn't want to leave my bed.

I knew it'd be one of those days I'd put myself on autopilot
Trying to silence my emotions from the world
because they wouldn't know exactly what it felt like
They wouldn't know the nausea that is this recurring image
the droop of the sky that makes my heart sag along with it
The barely there rain that brings with it barely there tears.

I knew it when my eyes peeled open today.
Another day passing without you.

I laid on his chest knowing it was the day.
I breathed deeply trying to cope
As he rubbed my back when he felt a tear hit his neck
I closed my eyes and held tighter
Wanting to take him everywhere
Red eyed and runny nosed
I was so sadly in love.

You taught her how to not fear the future, I've learned to open up to forever. Timeless.

They ask how we deal with distance, I say we just grow closer. Love of my life, he's my friend.

And if they ask, I'll smile and let them know I've never known this kind of love before.

Two am.
Irritation swelled all day I couldn't help but throw it all at him. Giving up so much claiming exasperation and nothing left to give. He stopped and asked why are you so angry, this isn't like you...he broke the flood gates to all I had pent up. Emotions I didn't know were there. He sailed through my floodgates to the root of my anger and saved me from drowning. Baby, love is a life vest and you gave me a chance. CPR, breathing the girl you knew back into the body she had abandoned. Baby, you are every friend, every man, everything I have ever loved and God doesn't make mistakes so I stopped questioning why and how and just cried as I prayed. Thank you, thank you. I don't deserve the love you give, but God doesn't make mistakes. I asked for a man in his image and he sent me you.

I know your mouth
Because I learned it
Paced your breaths with your movements
The flicker of your eyelashes with the intensity of your heartbeat.

I know your mouth
Because I yearned it
Missed the rampages you'd create all over me
Forcing me to use muscles I didn't know I had
Craving a mouth I never knew I'd want

I know your mouth
Because I earned it
Patience
I'm more comfortable with you than i am by myself sometimes

I used to dream about the day our mouths would meet.

he doesn't know that the only reason I'm smiling is because talking to him, no matter the subject, causes me to do so.

*got me lifted, shifted, higher than the ceiling, and ooh wee it's the ultimate feeling. got me lifted, feeling so gifted. sugar how you get so fly?

She walks in five minutes late and no one budges to make room for her into their group.
She knows her five minutes late has set her behind because no one wants to help, especially not her.
They see her and don't trust her intelligence, it doesn't show across her uncomfortable face.

So in 45 minutes she was confused because no one wanted to take the time to explain, they didn't hear what she was asking, brushing her off with a quickness as if she was ****** either way.

She woke up thirty minutes early twice just to attend office hours that left her more clueless, and her aid more frustrated with her lack of comprehension. So she gave up.

She went to the bathroom and looked at herself questioning her intelligence just as those around her already do based on her brown skin, her big hair, her bright lips. She wiped tears from frustration and grabbed her things and left. She knew her peers saw her bloodshot eyes, her TA knew that she was giving up. She just couldn't be the dumb black one.

She was alone and helpless, fending for herself.

Her lips are dark like purple.
I stare and wonder how they got that way, not shocked when she whips a lighter out when it's requested.
Her boyfriend is a stoner so I'm not utterly shocked. I'm just shocked at the music that flows out of those purple lips. From high to low from hums to raps she keeps going no matter the song, so
easy. Just as easy as it is to listen. God
bless the DJ.

Half way across the country
And he couldn't find the time
For me
To say goodbye or see ya later
But maybe it's for the better
Because then I would've had to believe it was going somewhere
And we all know when you care about someone you find the time
Until next time sirr...

I love a black man
I see his laugh across my face,
my childhood in his eyes.
I hear the paternal love each time he calls me "baby girl"
even though I'm pushing twenty
I love him because half of his DNA runs through my veins
just as half of his heart was once in my mother's hands.
Oh how I love him.

I love a black man
The last thing he said to me was "I love you"
before he passed the same week.
He was a lover raising an excess of sons and daughters
and fathering kids he was not the father to because
He was a lover.

I love a black man*
He's called me superstar since I was born and always
tells me how I get more beautiful each time I see him.
I remember how I ran into his athletic molasses brown arms each visit and how he always lifted me high above his head.
He fell in love with a lemon yellow woman and
thus I was born peanut butter all over.
His ears rest on the sides of my face, just as big as his
And I wouldn't trade them for any silence.
I can still hear him accidentally calling me by my mothers name.

I love a black man.
My partner, my equal, my friend.
Grateful for the hours on end we spent in late night conversations trying to figure each other's story
Tell me who you are
He was always better at showing
The big brother in him always saying his little sister is his best friend
Always at peace because he casts all his anxiety on the lord and is teaching me to do the same.
Noticing when I appear less than like myself
Always speaking through his actions until he says
I love you at random
I'm so lucky to love him.

I was taught to love a black man simply because I was loved by black men.
My father, my granddaddy, my granpaw, my friend.
I am so lucky to love them.
I am so lucky to be loved by them.

It's like a fantasy world.
All these amazing people in one place
Connected because they have 1 thing in common
They are diversely brilliant
I'm in this place
And as I sit in a chair marveled by everyone speaking of their goals ambitions and interests
I can't help but be proud that I equally am as diversely brilliant.
He knew my name before I said it.
She did too.
Another interrupted me as I introduced myself to brag about my accomplishments.
We are young and gifted. The rare breed that is not so rare when we are in this place.

And I sat.
In his bed without a person to share it with.
I filled his room and saw it in a new silence.
It isn't as romantic if he's not here.
So I sat.
In his bed waiting for the door to open and he walk in glad I'm waiting for him in this peach gown and yellow socks
Hair still curled lips still purple
Laying just waiting
Sitting in a silence that's unfamiliar and doesn't feel like home.
My belly hungry for him to feed me
I'm a bad wife
I don't cook or clean
But I have the sitting pretty and just waiting down to a t.

don't let the transition become the permanent

can i use you?
just to transition to my permanent?
can you lead me to my future
be my present
just a hand to get me through

can i use you?
kiss me as i wait for my prince
distract me from this heartache i'm running from

You can use me too ya know
I'll give you tenderness
when the world is too rough on you
I'll give you erotica
when you've become bored

I just wanna use and be used.

Silence
In a room full of people I can't be heard
It's rare that I can captivate attention
Just drowned out by my lack of interest

I enter a room and you are unphased
Quick to rush to the next subject
I am not important enough
Whereas once you'd carry me
Told me I was rare
Now you have so much power my rareness is unimportant
Unphased

He asked to read a poem.

All I heard was
"Show me the real you"

So personal we make these writings
If only people read them with as much love as we write them
Because for us these aren't merely love letters or confessions
These are us opening ourselves up and letting everything fall out
hoping maybe they could pick the pieces up and hand them to us again
rearrange them to fit exactly as they desire

"Show me the real you"
I cringe
Does he really want to see where I came from?
Who I loved last?
Where we all went wrong?
It's all so simple
until the past returns
and Even though we write just to conquer our pasts
We never want to look back and be those moments again

The real me.
The real me is in this moment.
I don't want him to be just another poem on the page
I don't want him to think he's just another
love letter
I don't want him to think I'm this crazy hopeless romantic that
misconstrues *** with love
abandonment with togetherness
caresses for self-esteem

I want to show him that I love fiercely
But I don't want him to know that I've been broken.

What do I show him...