I want to tell him
that I’m scared,
that I’ve been here before.
And that the last time I felt potential like this it imploded;
I imploded.
But I don’t want to taint it,
You see I’m still hopeful
That maybe this time
Won’t end up laced with maybes,
Or what ifs,
Or open wounds pouring blood onto paper.
That maybe this time,
just won’t end.

I’ve not quite worked out whether I think it’s beautiful,
Or stupid -
The human capacity,
And pliancy,
And longing,
For love.

A young girl,
Face pressed against the glass
‘You’re too young to go in there.
You’re not allowed past.
You must wait outside and do no more than look in.’
But the glass is shattered,
it impedes my vision
And the shards tear through my skin.

The picture is too broken to see what went on,
Smeared blood obscuring where the damage came from.
I can see a clock on the wall,
Time is frozen
But the big hand points to you -
I can just make out you’re all there.

I scream
I bang
I cry for you.
I wound myself further in the confusion,
And when you finally look up from the confines you’re in
There is no movement.
Just a distant sign for me that says
‘stay strong’
I don’t understand what’s going on,
Strong for what, for who?
Why can’t I come in there with you?
Please someone tell me what’s happening.

I’m bleeding; you’re all bleeding,
But still I don’t know why.
Old enough to know the colours,
but too young for where they came from.
Close enough to hear the screaming,
too far from the cries.
Too young,
Too young.
Not young enough.

You were all on the hour and I am frozen at six,
the little hand
Behind that pain spattered pane that splintered my heart.

All of your blood was spilt too,
Just on the inside of the glass
By the clock in that room where you all were together,
That I was allowed to see,
but not to touch.
I wanted in,
but there was no choice,
My blood had to stay on the outside with the dust.

What stands there,
in front of thee?
There is not much left to see.
A mere fragment of vulnerable humanity -
This is not who you are
Or were meant to be.

Tying knots with my tongue in soft seductive prose,
A lying distraction as you tear off my clothes.
Stained body and heart that have long been closed,
Remains all in your hands, naked, exposed.

Trace my scars with your fingertips,
Lace the curves of my spine with your unsullied lips.
Drink from my darkness in slow, soothing sips.
I’ll sink my nails into your skin ‘til your innocence rips.
Hypnotise you with the rhythm in my hips,
Disguise my poison with lust lined trips.

Legs locked around your waist hold like ecstasy,
Shock your mind into a state of dependency.
And undetected I’ll tighten the noose around your neck,
Infected, you’ll idolise this exquisite wreck.
And hold my wretched heart against your beautiful chest,
It’s cold, all emotions have been repossessed.

Confused and feeble you’ll emerge from your stupor,
Bemused as to why my passionate grasp became looser.
You’ll stare down at your feet and watch the blood drip,
Now aware I no longer need this tangible grip,
You see this touch is venom, to penetrate your weak flesh,
Subdue another prisoner into my nefarious mess.

Grave fear; you’ll beg and you’ll beg to be free,
Yet crave incessantly to still taste me.
I’ll behold and admire the damage I've done,
Mould your heart into a trophy that reminds me I've won.

I warned you not to get too close,
I spawn destruction with every lethal dose.

Love,
Lust,
Lies.

Still yet to decide
Which one defines
Everything we left behind.

Then again,
Perhaps it goes a little something like this;

Love?
Lust lies.

Your death was an easy escape.
You drank the depths of your despair
And drowned.
Not brave enough to be called suicide,
Doubt you even intended to die.
I care little.
Though so did you it seemed -
Not only for yourself
But for the lives in your hands
Of strangers and your own creations.
Depressed they said,
drugged up;
My sympathies
Have boundaries.

You latched onto innocent bystanders,
Tied ropes to their legs and locked them to yours.
A lead weight,
As you drifted to your demise.
Your lungs went dry and your eyes went blind,
Never to face
The consequence
Of all you left behind.
You did not watch as they struggled to stay afloat,
But I,
With my pure and petrified eyes,
I watched as they almost drowned.
Pulled down with your worthless body,
Helpless to set them free.
My hands were too tiny to untie ropes that you burned into skin.

The hate runs deep in the water,
and the ripples are forever carved in cement,
So how can you be granted forgiveness
When you’re not even here to repent?
What you did was ******.
You stole lives,
And left lives,
Now forever tied
To the weight of your careless mistakes.

So struggle weary, I had forgotten how to fight
But now I smile as a stand above this battle site.
Because it was not me, sweetheart, it was you
And I have been rediscovered by someone new.