Who’s there -
Remember me?
You silly, scared little boy.
Are you proud now
That you ran away?
I remember it all like it was yesterday.
When you promised you’d be there
No matter what,
A feeble lie
You quickly forgot.

Remember that day
I came out of theatre
with nothing but tears and sickness?
And blood,
there was so much blood.
I was broken,
I was empty,
I needed you to be there.
You promised you would
No matter what,
A feeble lie
You quickly forgot.

I remember most
The last time I saw your face,
When you turned
And said to me,
‘But I haven’t had a night out with the boys in ages’
Like it somehow justified
Those words,
Your decision,
Etched onto my heart with icy precision.
It’s almost funny now, isn’t it?
I’d crack a smile
If I weren’t so ashamed
I once considered you
as worthy.

I remember when you promised you’d be there
No matter what,
A feeble lie
You quickly forgot.

Maybe I’ll laugh one day.
After all,
You turned out to be nothing more
Than one big joke.

I loved you strong, with all the recklessness I possessed,
Yearned to share with you all I had to confess.
Believed it would be palliated in your pristine hands,
Watched it slip through your fingers like worthless sands.
Enamoured and imprudent, I jumped right in,
Unaware your depths were too shallow to swim.
Naïveté; my judgement had faltered,
All of my worth lay bare, and you resigned, unaltered.
Gave everything I knew with nothing left in reserve
Long forgotten it was me I should serve.

It was a hope laced channel for all the healing I desired
but you were inept at radiating the compassion required.
No understanding for this fragile task in proposition,
A rare gift to be cherished that you gave no recognition.
And there was too much exposed for you to forsake,
Too much that wasn’t earned; my calamitous mistake.
For these blood stained bones you lacked the tools to unearth,
You were never the answer to my rebirth.
Gravely inexperienced for this feat,
Your heart was too sheltered
and your mind too weak.

I gave you completely this intimate token,
But you failed to see how I was broken.

You became my worst habit;
Nicotine firmly in my blood, and I could not quit.
I breathed you,
Through and through.

The silk was spun,
Finely woven
With threads of DNA and bonds of love.
Or so we thought -
These webs always intend survival.
To weather any storm come rain or shine,
To nurture the life that live upon it.
Intricately delicate, yet strong.
Or so we thought.
Not this one.
Not this time.
This web was a trap.
Pretty from a distance,
Even looked steady and secure for a while.
But you lost control of its construction,
And instead it was us that got tangled.
Our web became a lie,
Spun into a noose around your neck
and yours
and hers
and mine.
This was not silk
But ******* barbed wire,
And it slit all of our throats
and left us to die.

All of those things that we would say
In those enraptured, early days.

‘I’m crazy about you baby.’
‘You make me crazy.’
‘I’m so crazy in love with you.’

But the ending had other intentions.

Although
I guess it all turned out to be some kind of true,
Just words
with different dimensions.

Plagued by the slightest sounds,
Every sight I resent.
My mere existence in this place is hostile,
Yet this persistent voice torments.
‘You have to try, you have to’ it says,
I drag my body from the floor.
‘One step at a time, and I promise you things will heal,
You just have to open the door’.

But the sun burns through my skin;
The wind ****** my neck like needles.
All of the elements conspiring to destroy what is left of me,
Even the air feels heavy.
My fragile body paper thin,
Ready to tear at any moment.
‘I can’t go outside, I can’t, don’t make me’
With shame I turn away.
I am defenceless,
I am defeated
I just want to be free.

This battle has been too destructive,
And the road to return is too long.
This crippled soul won’t carry,
Stunned silence;
I had awaited strong.
But my wasted heart and weary eyes are closing,
I want to sleep now
Please,
I just want to sleep; everything is sore.
Just let me lie here.
Let me die here.
I have no fight left in me anymore.