I guess I’m a study
In opposition
Always heading

200 kilometers per hour
In the wrong lane

Living the fast life
Living it in the
Direction opposite
As everyone else

I am a unique
In a sea of uniques
Sore thumbing like a stickout

Always heading

200 kilometers per hour
In my own lane

One of the things I Love
Is your kiss
Alluring, sweet,
Yet powerful.
Fiery, aggressive,
You kiss like You mean it

And even when it’s over
It’s not
You left something
An imprint
An impression
Of Yourself on me

You could knock me unconscious
You could stop my heart…
And start it up again
You could make every other moment
Simply slip away
With a kiss like that.

You saw me
And you knew
That still amazes me

So young, yet
You took that first step
And held my hand
That still amazes me

You held on
For so long
Until I felt it to
That still amazes me

You were so scared
To touch, to kiss
Yet you trusted
That still amazes me

You’re everything I’ve wanted
Body and mind
Heart and soul
That still amazes me

You make me
A better person
Just by being yourself
That still amazes me

I am so lucky
To be with you
To hold you, to kiss you
You still amaze me.

I said a million simple things
That I loved about you
In the middle of October
Were you listening?

I gave my heart a pen
And let it write
A million simple things
That I felt about you
Were You Reading?

My fingers ran by themselves
A dose of cuteness here and there
Small, but apparent
Were You watching?

Simple replies speak volumes
And the absence speaks louder
What do I have to do to reach you?
What pervades my writing
That you won’t comment unless I ask?

Which lyrics speak to you and which don’t?
Should I send them, should I not?
It seems to make little difference.
Either way your silence deafens.
You want cuteness
But have little to say when I try to give it.

I don’t send these things, I don’t write these things for nothing
I do it for us.
An attempt
To intertwine us further.
To see what different pulses of my heart…
…Inspire different pulses of yours.
For your reaction, your passion.
But you often have too little to say

A million simple things
A song, a poem
Sent across the miles
To make me feel closer to you

If only, if only
You had
Even a hundred simple things to say about them.

If only, if only
I knew my heartbeat was heard

Sometimes the most important
Is a million simple things.

I miss the time
Playing poker late at night
With my friends
Hoping the cards would shuffle
In my favor
So I'd have a little extra
To treat you
At the amusement park
The next day

I could always see it in your eyes
Something I never saw before
Still it comes as a surprise
We’re not lonely anymore

I still remember when we first talked
A few hours it seemed would never end
It’s a path I thought I’d never walk
Yet a path I knew I’d walk again

For several years I hated time
Four years is just too much
Now I smile when you’re on my mind
And feel the tingle when we touch

And it comes as a surprise
Something finally went right
You are the sunrise in my skies
You are my comfort in the night

Seems like the only breaks we catch are the ones that follow hearts
We’ve known little glory and volumes of disappointment so far
Every time it seems happiness is within our grasp
Some external forces continue our beleaguered past
We’ve been the best, only to finish second
Held defeat in our hands when it seemed victory beckoned
And the moments may be few, but we’ll hold them tightly
Packing the Ralph by day, and HSBC nightly.
Jimmy Hoffa, Legion of doom and scary good
Reliving those moments as much as we could
Building houses in Pominville, brick by brick
Hoping to bring home the Cup for Rick
Remembering when RJ cried, “Who Else?”
Briere eying the cookie jar on that uppermost shelf
And with Vanek and Roy and Sekera and Weber
We’ll say our chances look better than ever
We are one, we are many, we are young, we are old
We are still believing, because We Are Buffalo

I watch the candle burning
The flame flickering
Pushing my hand into its midst
I feel the curious strength of something
That doesn't quite seem to exist
Evanescing, casting shapeless silhouettes
So powerful
It deteriorates that which surrounds it
Simultaneously essential
And malevolently destructive

I like to feel the heat of the wax
Dripping on my finger tips
As I grip it tightly
Pain is only a byproduct of sensitivity
Of which we can never have
In too small a quantity
I'd rather feel the pain
Watching the beads roll down my arm
Than lose that strength
In compartmentalizing
And someday you'll find me
Not burnt, not melted, but
Dancing like a shadow on the wall

I like cats
They’re perfectly content to be watched
Not spoken to
Admired, occasionally played with
Curiously intelligent
The same look
And a thousand expressions
They’re the best kind of company
Quiet, but pointy.

Utterly transfixed
On some spec of dust
As though it bore all the significance in the world
Sometimes
they
plod,
Sometimes dart for no reason.
Noisy and pointy.

Some yearn for golden rays
A cooling breeze ruffling blades of grass
Myself, I like the bitter days
With drenched streets and gusty blasts

I like the stinging winds
And menacing cloudy skies
Those days that you’d best stay in
You can find me outside

There’s something about the bitter cold
And threatening rain, God only knows
All the better to have a hand to hold
All the better to hold You close

It not that I like being chilled
The winter is frigid enough
I like to add to the hours killed
Warming myself with Your Love

My God rules with spite and hate
His book, a manual to enslave
Societies and free thinkers to a hellish fate
And those who spread the lies are saved

My God does, as Gods often do
Make some things right and some things wrong
My vision is clouded, I can’t see through
And with bigoted black and white we go along

My God scorns things unnatural
Our purpose is nothing more than to reproduce
There’s no place for the new or liberal
We don’t care about the progress, just the use.

There’s no room in *** for passion, only vulgarity
The vile combination of two to become one, and make one
Any other thoughts and My God verily
Condemns the monstrosity that we have become

My God rules with bigotry and hate
I share with Him the Aryan vision
Condemning the **** to their fiery fate
I am, and forever will be, a Good Christian

I have been one acquainted with the night
Moving quickly with unencumbered ease
Through a cooling darkened breeze
Drawing drapes, eluding light
I am one acquainted with the night

I have been one acquainted with the chill
That an October morning brings
With whispered imaginings
Of wine, a blanket and a hill
I am one acquainted with the chill

Barren days and shadowed hours
Make the masses evanesce
Yet no less shared nor picturesque
For they shall remain forever ours
We shall be ones acquainted with the night

Standing before a cleaved road
Pondering the choice ahead
Trying to decide to forge a patch with you
Or to wander alone instead

Trying to solve the conflict
That sits within me now
Thinking about the things
I should have already figured out

It seems to make some sense
You and I together
But if I fall right now
I want to fall forever.

It’s interesting, being with You
I have such conflicting feelings
About our relationship

Not between good and bad
But both positive
On one hand, You make me feel so comfortable
Being with You is like laying in a warm bed
Utterly content, and I don’t want to move

But equally powerful is the excitement
I’ve been with you for to years
And we’ve learned volumes
What happens in ten…twenty?
How will You…I…We…change?
I guess that’s what relationships are about
Things shifting and learning
With that one constant
That one comfort
Love

Crooked chair, leaning forwards,
As though I’m not supposed to be sitting;
Trying to lurch me to my feet
And push me onward.
Maybe I just want to sit for a while,
Maybe I’ll try the floor.

It’s like something’s inaudibly whispering
Words floating by on silent wings
Hints that I’m somehow drawing nearer
My worldly lens grows minutely clearer
More in tune with things perhaps
Seeing before seeing
Feeling before touching
Yet still grasping nothing
But Hope
Hope holds on in spite
Reading between the lines
Of a taciturn soliloquized life
Night after lonely night
The romance of unturned thoughts
Silently spiraling
Into the silhouette of a design I can barely see
A puzzle I’m missing all the pieces too
Yet if I shut my eyes
Perhaps I can make out its imprint
Etched into me
Been and always
Wandering aimlessly by design
Following the nonexistent trail
Imperceptible and clearly marked
Faith begetting sanity
I’d swear on
What others would call a reverie
A fantasy
The pining of one
Is my knowledge.
Sitting here, watching the starless skies
The romance of thoughts imprinted
Silently spiraling into a silhouette
Taking form

Distance means nothing
I can still feel year heart beat
As though you were lying next to me

Distance doesn’t change a thing
You’re still the love of my life
Still the only one for me

My heart will always be in the palm of your hand
Hold it gently.  I’ll see it again soon.

Wherever you are
I hope you can look back on your choices
Happy and guilt free
Silencing all your inner voices
Telling you to keep wandering

(Chorus)
does it hurt when you think of me
Because it hurts when I think of you
I hope you're remembering
All the things you couldn't do

I know I'm still lingering
You can keep sobbing otherwise
But everyone can see
The dreams playing just behind your eyes

You won't rid yourself of me
I'm not so simply disregarded
Time will tell which of us is moving on
And who's still broken hearted

(Chorus)
Does it hurt when you think of me
Because it hurts when I think of you
I hope you're remembering
All the things you couldn't do

I'm like a firecracker
Too volatile to tame
And you're just a forgotten flame
Burning down

(Chorus)
Does it hurt when you think of me
Because it hurts when I think of you
I hope you're remembering
All the things you couldn't do

Do you still have doubts that us having
faith makes any sense?
I know what its like to Love, to
Understand it in a way no one else does.
And I know what its like to have to, to
feel the need to hide every kiss like it’s
a sin against humanity.
Not once, but twice, I’ve shielded myself
And her because the common conventions
Of a society too dim to light even the
Darkest room made it wrong.
The faith was unmistakable the first time,
And it resonates even stronger now
Four years apart, but you’re the one
Like a game of pickup sticks
Played by ******* lunatics
Do you still have doubts that us having
Faith
Makes any sense?

Sometimes I wish I was born into an earlier time
Things weren’t quite so hectic
Life didn’t move so fast
When efficiency didn’t hold sway over camaraderie
Life was centered around family and friends
And intimate gatherings were exactly that
Your life was dependant on your strength of character
And mastery over yourself
Not your technological dexterity
When every hour counted
But every second didn’t
When it seemed, life lasted longer

I could spend all day
Enraptured in Your body
Never growing weary
Of Your tantalizing curves
Trace with my fingers
The delightful soft contours
Trace with my fingers
Everything

I could spend all day
Returning Your smile
My eyes never straying
From your Loving gaze
Feel with my lips
Your everlasting warmth
Feel with my lips
Everything

How sweet are the sounds of silent kisses?
The aura of Love, sensuously loud
And how are all of my lonely wishes
Answered in the honest eyes I see now
What difference that one person can make
You take my strife and push it all away
You’re like the sunbeams dancing on my lake
Warming my cold waters day after day
And I know this is something that will last
You are the only one that I can see
Who cares about the failures of my past,
Or the demons that are still haunting me?
I have You, that will always be enough.
You are the one I will forever Love.

Some mornings I wake up
And everything I feel is magnified
It must be
The artistry within me
Surfacing so clearly
Through wilting eyelids I shine
Half scrawling
Fingers dancing with exhaustion
Fatigue lowers my defenses
Exposing me to the world

Someone told me fairy tales don’t exist
Then who keeps turning my pages
And why then, did our first kiss
Feel like my first kiss in ages?

Someone told me fairy tales don’t come true
That life just doesn’t work that way
What blissful fate brought me to You
And what makes me so sure today

Someone told me They Loved me once
And turned my teardrops into laughter
And then I knew my search was done
And we’ll live Happily Ever After

Words scrawled
Like so many written
On the backs of mirrors
Broken and switched
But the message remains
Living day to day
On faith and Fate
I feel sometimes
I can almost make them out
But the heat dissipates
And they fade away
Leaving my fingertips
Painting nothings
Another night

Faith is a pillow
A blankets embrace
Reaching out towards
Such rhythmic grace

Creating worlds
Not easily snuffed
So many hours
But not long enough

Find wisdom, find strength
Divine intervention
No heartache, no fear
No source of contention

Find dreams and lovers
Touch hearts, touch lips
And always they slide
Through your fingertips

Friend,
You’ll be there in the end
You’ve been as patient as can be
You withstood my constant babbling
Bizarre comments and insane rambling
You’ve always been my councilor
On situations I haven’t seen before
You’ve turned me straight, helped me get the things I’m after
And turned my sorrow into laughter
You’ve helped me out, given me order
Been my critic and my supporter
You’ve helped my mentality when it’s on the mend
Friend

The sporadic and spastic
Deliberations
Of chance encounters
On busy streets
Haunt my dreams
Like a raindrop in a well
A mile wide
And a mile deep
Rippling across
As I spin myself
Seeking contentment beneath the sheets
Begging to make sense
Of the surreality
To take something tangible
From thoughts that barely exist
Waking in time
To just miss my breath
And worlds spiral back
Into nothingness

Life
The only thing, ironically
With a one hundred percent mortality rate
Life, it drowns us all
Be it the simple sacrifice
Of the present for a greater future
That is no guarantee
Or the inexorable weight
Of a thousand stresses bearing down

Life
You look ahead
Only to have it nip you from behind
Don’t get caught counting chickens
Don’t lose your mind

I can see my own hands
No further
Only what I am and what I make
My actions become me, drive me
Invigorate
I’ll not look beyond what comes to me
Seeking solace in the momentary reverie

Happiness is a throng of people
Clad in blue and gold
Milling at the subway station
Wandering aimlessly across the streets

Towards the centerpiece of town
The arena, filing in
Happiness is looking around
Seeing thousands rally to the cause
Eighteen thousand six hundred and eighty nine friends for a night
United under one goal

It’s the emotion, the feelings
The memories, and triumphs
And so many failures
But failures together.

The signs across the years
Playing through my head
Awinagainov
Don’t Quit on Us
And Two Minutes for Hooking

The calls, the calls
Darling and Lorentz and Jeanneret
Timeless words
Reaching across generations
Uniting young and old.

It’s the hardest tears I’ve ever cried
And the happiest I’ve felt.
The passion, the excitement.
This isn’t a team
This is no game.
This is a community, a city
A bond beyond all.

This is what we live for
This is what we die for
This, in all its disappointment
In all its glory, in all it’s heartbreak
This is happiness.
Happiness
Is Eighteen thousand, six hundred ninety.
Singing Neil Diamond.
Late at night.

It seems like forever
Yet only a year has passed

You and I
Continue to be
A blissful
Truth

An unstoppable force
Inseparable parts
Of one
Whole

How remarkable
How incredible
So this is how happy feels

No longer do I worry
Will You be here tomorrow?

No longer will I reach for your hand
And ever be uncertain again

No longer do I smile at the thought
I smile at the reality
So this is how happy feels

I don’t have to dream about Loving You
Because I really do
(Though I still dream anyways)
You’re that special

It’s unreal
(The good kind)
So…
This is how happy feels

I wear my heart on my sleeve I guess
Easily dirtied sometimes
It’s not hard to see when something affects me
The steps drag a little more
My gaze turns slightly downward
I might lose my place
Or forget where I’m walking
I can try to hide, try to cover it
It’s never worked
To my knowledge
It’s good I guess
To retain such close ties to your emotions
But at the same time
I’m so easily hurt
I wish I could do otherwise
Compartmentalize
But I could never hide from who I am

There is a man
Sitting in the grassy buffer
Between the gas station
And the road
Watching the busy intersection
I wonder what he sees
As car after car rushes through
I wonder what he's looking for
As we all pass him by
He looks kind of odd
Sitting there alone
I think he's the one who's
Got it all figured out

The tomorrows can't come soon enough
And the yesterdays pass too swiftly
Differing between lies and love
Is a gift no longer with me

And still I cannot help
But look ahead until the day
When love's more than just a word
And finally I'm on my way

I still yearn to lay it out
Put my heart on the line again
To leave the places that I've traveled
And find the one I've never been

I'm restricted to running blind
But running nevertheless
Lest the pulse start to slow
And fade into nothingness

At times it seemed I'd never stop
And I was nearly giving in
No longer was I searching out
But content with places I'd already been

And suddenly there she was
Real and no mirage I'd hoped
I tried to reign my emotions in
But my heart already had eloped

To soon, it seems, to think these thoughts
But I confess I can almost see
Something real in her words
And the places that I want to be

Too soon to dream, common sense cries
Maneuver slowly round the bend
But as I open up my heart
I confess she's falling in

Where we'll go, I cannot say
I can only speculate
To continue on my way
And leave tomorrow up to fate

I seek comfort unconventionally
Finding a certain joy in moments
That tend to linger
Or in the mundane, the ordinary
A car ride at night
Down the dark tunnel of I90 at 11pm
With the hum of the engine numbing the senses
And the headlights blending together
The exhaustion of the hours
Leaves you waiting for the end
And yet
I’d take that car ride forever if I could
I guess I find comfort in the certainty of Your presence
And the way Your words are contained
Within the soft interior of my car
As though they’ll stick with me longer
And the words come easier knowing
They’ll find no ears but Yours
In these moments I like knowing
I can look forward
And still count on You beside me

Try as I might
Though not very hard
I can’t not see the signs
Directing my heart

And call me young
Call me naïve
I can’t help but hold on,
Can’t help but believe

Some say it’s a lie
That The One is just a myth
Then what explains
This feeling I live with?

I can’t help but know
What nobody knows
That wherever I go
I’m only this close

Don’t talk sense into me
She’s out there, she’s real
I know what life can be
I know what I can feel

I have a dream
A dream where we’re not vilified or crucified
For what we see in another eyes
Or whose eyes we see,
Where we’re not castigated
Nor berated
For being fated a little differently
Why can’t they see
That she and she
Are no worse than You and me
Or he and he

I have a dream
That the persecution ends
That society comes to its senses
That the relentless
Withering glares
And indignant stares
Erode to a bigoted few
There’s no reason why you and you
Can’t love each other
Why a man can’t love another

I have a dream
Where a mom’s lips curl
Into a smile while she talks about
Her daughter and that nice Jewish girl
With those pretty lips
Whisper nothings to each other
While fingertips dance across fingertips
When a father can beam with pride
Even though his son will never take a bride

I have a dream
Like a modern day Doctor King
Even though I’m not gay
I have a dream and the dream starts today
I have a dream that congregations won’t pray
Coming to their senses
Homosexuality isn’t a sin
What’s wrong with her with her
And him with him?
I have a dream that rainbow banners
And prideful marches won’t even matter
I have a dream that things will be
As they should be
That love is boundless
That love is enough
I have a dream

I Love You More
Sorry, it’s true
And I simply Love
Proving it to You

I Love You Stronger
Just understand
I’ll always remember
When I first took Your hand

I Love You Sweeter
Sorry, it’s a fact
And I never knew
I could Love like that

I Love You More
Sorry, it’s true
And I simply Love
Proving it to You

I Love You Stronger
Just understand
I’ll always remember
When I first took Your hand

I Love You Sweeter
Sorry, it’s a fact
And I never knew
I could Love like that

Just when you think it has ended
And people have matured
You’re ready to have all the fractures mended
But another infraction occurs

Four, Sixteen, Twenty
Some think it’s too much
And some think it’s simply plenty
Well I don’t give a ****.

Some are still just part of the flock
Letting the herd dictate their life
And I had honestly thought I’d stopped
Having to deal with that kind of strife.

Who are you to think you know better
Keeping things between the lines
Following arbitrary rules to the letter
So refined?  No, so confined.

Who do you think you are
Trying to put me on trial
Well you won’t get very far
Sieg heil! Sieg heil!

Why do we let people affect us so
So much of our happiness dependant on
The whims of another
Shocking, how little control
We really have
How we actually have little hand in
Our own happiest moments
Why are words
Sometimes more than words
And actions quickened heartbeats
And how the grapevine
Can be a vein
Of hope or desolation
How little are we really
As people
Without each other?

Introversion
It would seem
Is the obstacle of happiness
Of dreams

And yet,
I confess
I do not value my solitude
Any less

I'm not one
To pursue
Immersed within the undulating throngs
More, subdued

I do not fear
Loneliness
Feeling that residing within myself,
Her caress

In Your presence I am a solitary tree
That will not sag nor bend
Even when the night turns cold

You’ve remarked at how I always stand
Sometimes with laughter
Sometimes with something else
As your fingertips lazily trace my contours

Such a wonderful picture of intimacy
As your hand deftly wanders
Across my leaves

In Your presence I am a Solitary tree
Solitary, not lonely
Not unloved.

So I went away again to school
Took my belongings and left You alone
Something that a good Man never should do
Make the kisses that we share together
Sometimes need to last for several days
But my strengthened heart beats ever onward
Harder, faster, for You, my Love, for You

It is an occurrence far too common
It should be a tired routine by now
The pain should be a familiar feeling
But it never gets easier to leave
I take that as proof, irrefutable
That this is something special that We have
You are the One I will forever Love

As I wander in, the path ahead unfolding
I'm forced to reassess the playing cards I'm holding
Conquer and divide the uncertainties,
only to find they're alive, they've multiplied
And though my days wandering down the wrong path have ended
Its set for the aimless wandering to begin
Most days are unsurprising
I can see the sun arising
Illuminating the things I've learned thusfar
Though still leaving me with a tin can for a heart
It's like looking in the rear view mirror,
objects no more nearer, rather farther
And it's only getting harder seeing, believing that my intuition's not deceiving,
That the feeling that's haunting me
Isn't just because of where I want to be,
That what I see is what I see,
That I haven't shrouded my head in rose colored glasses,
Not clouding myself with whatever flight of fancy
Passes me from midnight to midmorning, warning me
That morning light dancing across my bed isn't the harbinger of another day of medioctiry,
But the bringer of the life I swear I see.  
That I haven't deluded myself concluding,
Reading signs alluding to some moment frozen inside my head subconsciously
That I swear has been there all my life,
That I'm fated like I thought, not condemned to waiting,
Not believing without reason, not deceiving,
But seeing the redeeming that I've seen,
Just believing what I've seen.  
Just believing.

What is love but a serendipitous
Slide into a swirling wintery breeze
From the fall into the chaotic white
Or a journey hand in hand, that spans
Miles of light while moving only eyes
Back and forth from the stars to each other
How the simple joy of intertwining, leading
Resounds with a more transcendent meaning
Thoughts crystal clear that won't take shape
That pass from fingertips to fingertips
And return to me through scarlet lips

Touch me with your lips
Your desolate caresses
Bring silence
To my world


Build a utopia
With the lascivious
Flicks of your tongue
Whisper in my year
Things you'd never
Look me in the eyes
And say

Undress me with a gaze
Then meld fantasy with life
Wander and linger
Your fingertips
As you please

When I see your letters
Scarlett or otherwise
I can’t help but think
Of Hester Pryne
Marked, and tarnished
The same way I see you

They tell me
To avoid at all costs
The refuse of humanity
Wears these letters
Not A for Adulterer
Maybe ΔΡ for Date ******
ΣΔ, Excessive Drinker?
I don’t know
And I don’t intend on finding out.

Unlike you, I realize
The bitter lies
Lodged behind her deceptive eyes

And I see right through to
The dulling brain
The profane, the ingrained ignorance

And the shrill, the shrieks
That you mistake
For entertainment or masochistic passion
Are the agonies of a thousand vacant homes lit

To have and to hold is a wonderful thing
To her, the only thing
And the memories are so easily cast aside
For green and silver and inflated pride

You can say I didn’t warn you
Because like you I put up with her ****
Silent and waiting til I leave
Gold diggers come in spades
But she rode in on a backhoe
Emphasis on the **.

Love is a phone call
Lasting Five seconds
And three words

Love is a fight
Devoid of fear
Because I know
It’s there.

Love is
Hours spent
In your arms
That never feel like enough

Love is spontaneity
A weekend
I didn’t expect to be home,
More time with You

Love is peaceful moments
Watching You play solitaire
Kissing your cheek

Love is hands wandering
Mischievous smiles
Gasps and pleasured sighs

Love is everlasting
And constantly on my mind
Even when You’re busy
And I’m far away

Love is just as meaningful
When I say it now
As the day I said it first
I Love You Samantha
And I always will
Happy One Year