Why doesn't she love mine?

I wish you would look at me.
I wish
you saw me.
Reassured me, with just a glance,
that it wasn't all
a mirage.
I didn't concoct memories and
feelings
while I slept.
I can't account for those months
that you
and me
were somewhere between
falling and waltzing,
All I see in m mind
is a spinning record
and the inside of my heavy eyelids
with a hand in my hair.
Just dreaming
Just screaming
but
I need to know
that you remeber
that you fekt it
and that this echo
of you voice
is
mine.
look at me
and erase doubts.
Share every moment
in that brief glance,
the void of your pupil
is swallowed
by mine.

look at me

so I don't forget

Tried to be little coy, even tried to be so very nice
So this little tidbit, I will not be uttering twice
Most firmly grip the truth, when it is all they are seeing
Yet, you merely ignore, like a person with headphones, peeing
The branch delicately extended, the olive oil gently drips
Trying to figure out, what was done to deserve all of this
For one merely requested, to hear kind words from a friend
Never knowing those neuron pulses, were merely all pretend
But moving on they say, just more water into the mote
Still never think the end, formal goodbyes were never spoke...

It's better this way.
I'm better off as a
spectator to the
way everyone
else finds happiness.

They dress their
best and pray on
sundays.
I drink in stale
clothes and laugh
out loud in the
open park in
the dead of night.
High and at one
with the
thieving masked  
lords of the night.

Theirs are goals
and mine are troubling
questions that cause them
discomfort.
I try to pull on
the  answers
no one wants
to really
hear,
not even
myself.

They all long for
love and praise.
Heart shaped
chocolate filled
boxes is what
represents their
artificial idea
of love.

I touch not on
this subject.

I chase away my madness
while drunk and too
high to keep up with
my own shadow.

You'll find me in
the darkness if I let
you.

I'll have the pistol in
my pocket, a bottle
in my hand
and this dead
end love on
the mind.

In winters rarest bitter
Before the failing of the light
We search for significance
Far sweeter than pleasure
Yet, never frostbitten
By the freezing of the night
We hunt until daybreak
Ever deeper for the treasure
I cannot show you the foreboded corridor
But I assure you I have walked it before
On a jagged line between sanest thoughts
For a way out of madness is often fought
One's reality is a tether binding
Relatively fixed into a position
Much like a staircase winding
Only its twisted to fit a new disposition

You were as stealthy as a slow gas leak, by the time i knew i was in love with you, i had succumbed to you. You were in the drivers seat of my car lighting a cigarette with the windows up so i could breathe you in. I quit smoking so your secondhand smoke was all you would allow. I watched as you brought the cigarette to your lips and dragged in as if your life depended on it. It was your third one today and i told you that you should stop, maybe breathe me in for a second. Do you know what i would give to become second hand smoke from your lips? All you would have to do is kiss me and i would vanish into thin air, become a noble gas in the periodic table but there is nothing noble about the element of disappearance. I have been shrinking away from you ever since you held my hand in that convenience store a year ago. I'm trying to convince myself to get over you because all i am to you is someone to **** slowly through your second hand smoke. I never knew I could get so addicted to nicotine until it came from under your tongue. When you're gone, it's hard for me to breathe which doesnt make sense because when youre here my lungs are filled with your sweet black tar. But you will be gone for months when you leave in two weeks. You said you'd write to me, but written words can't carry your second hand smoke. You can't build a home out of a human being, but that doesn't mean i cant find a home in your bed.

It was my father who left me,
To discover a place of his own.
Lonely and disheartened I felt,
For a place called, "unknown."
Baffled was I,
As to why he suddenly left me,
I trembled alone in fear,
Was I a goner soon to be?
Where have my hopes gone?
Withered away to stone,
Leaving nothing but the past,
For a place called, "unknown."
Why do I feel resentment,
My father had a horrifying tone,
Had left me heartbroken,
For a place called "unknown."
My heart beats like thunder,
As I shiver to the bone,
My father ruined me,
For a place called, "unknown."
Where will I go fro here?
To much my father had shown,
Had left me heartbroken,
For a place called, "unknown"

And having her look away.