As I sit alone the darkness my home
Blankets my eyes my thoughts to roam
Out of my control
Leaves me feeling my soul has broken
And can never be full, can never be whole
Like it once was before the drugs
Before the need to fill a void
That wasn't their to start
The hole created by the devil himself
Camoflauged as a cure for the heart
But it only ripped me apart
To put me back together
I'd rather die then play your games
Under the shadows I awake
To prove you were always fake
A virus born to destroy
The life of a helpless young boy
Who only saw with blankets as blinders
Got tricked and picked the life
The devil cut into stone with his own knife
To heal to feel to live to be without catastrophe
As I sit alone the darkness my home
Blankets my eyes my thoughts to roam
Out of my control
Under the shadows I awake
From a boy to a man
Under the shadows I awake

The unpredictable anomaly’s of my existence
Living each day in pretense
No one these days
Have any ******* common sense
this mainstream **** makes me cringe

Talentless nothingness
Disrupting my silence
It’s all the same just more drugs and violence

I want to live more spiritually
But my demons inside quietly creep
Convincing me that I am weak
I’m soo sick of being a ******* freak

Hearing voices means your crazy
If your scared to live
That means your lazy
I choose to live my life hazy
Because this pain you cause
Completely drains me

Do you know the difference between
Wrong and right
Just because its a law
Should you follow with blind sight
Really take a look at every law
Do they all make sense
You know ****** created laws
Laws that should make you cringe
These lawmakers have but one goal
to line thier pockets
And keep thier bank accounts full

If we are truly free
Then how come we can go to jail
If we smoke a little ****
This is obscene
Smokin a little **** has never hurt anyone
But it’s ok to go drink a 1/5th of *****
And **** someone with your car
Or get alcohol poisoning at you local bar
More people die due to alchhol each year
Than every illegal drug combined
So if you follow every law
You have no idea what’s right or wrong

Just sheep following sheep following
An orange idiot puppet
Being used by people with real power
Power most can’t even begin to comprehend
Our world is doomed because the world is 50% sheep, 49.5% other sheep and 0.5% woke( but the woke have been ****** with and suppressed and discredited and forced addictions and confusion and straight psychological torture through auditory, tactile, and visual hallucinations and beat down and used and stripped of any financial status so they can’t rise up and take down the evil powers that are in control of this world, keeping the sheep sheep and laughing at the rest of us as we trying to figure out some way to make life better but a couple ants against a bully with a magnifying glass,
The best way to put it is WE ARE ALL ******, see you back in hell(earth) after they **** us, use our soul however they please, give our soul amnesia and send us right back to hell(earth) just so we can do it all again. Oh and I’m 99% sure thier is no GOD and if there is he is either a sadistic ****, or he is both GOD and the devil so don’t ask him for help cause he doesn’t give a ****. Especially if you are me. I have only really asked for one thing from him. One thing that really isn’t that difficult. The one thing I want no need back In My life but god doesn’t ******* care and she is never coming back so I plan to live my days in a haze preparing for a short life and a quick death.)

I love you Michelle. Please come back, please
I made a mistake but we are human we make mistakes. Don’t throw away six years because of one mistake. I honestly don’t see a reason the live if I’m not with you. I don’t want to live if I’m not with you. Honestly the only thing that has kept me from slitting my wrists(the right way this time) is this little tiny bit of hope I will get you back. But with every passing day that hope is fleeting and death seems more and more likely my future than a future of a beautiful life with the only woman I have ever truly loved. Oh and one more thing, **** GOD **** the devil **** addiction **** temptations **** alcohol **** that orange ******* senile ******* we call president **** family who won’t believe you when you try to tell them your truth **** all the judgmental wealthy sheep who haven’t struggled a day in there life but think they have the right to look down on someone who wasn’t born rich and last but not least the biggest ******* of all, **** analytical skitzo aka Alex for literally every stupid thing you have done the biggest being losing Michelle. You had happiness in tour grasp and you pushed it away because you believe you don’t deserve to be happy subconsciously I guess. FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKFFUUUUUUCCKKFUCCKKFUCKKFUCK
****­IN **** FUCKBUCKET ******* FUCKSDOODLE DO **** NE AND ESPECIALLY ******* **** THIS WORK BECAUSE THE ***** OF THIS WORLD KEEP ******* UP AND MAKING ******* LIFE FOR EVERYONE ******* DOOMED. And all you ******* PANSIES out thier **** is just a ******* word, it hold no ******* power over you unless you let it ******* hold power over you. No one can make you feel only you control you. I obviously need to work on that a lot myself. Rant rant rant I bet none reads this whole thing.
IF YOU GET TO THE END PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THE COMMENTS THAT YOU READ IT ALL IM CURIOUS HOW MANY WILL ACTUALLY READ THIS WHOLE THING. Thank you very ******* much

I’m soo out of touch with reality
It seems I perceive my life as a tragedy
I want to gouge out my insanity
To find just one whole piece

I feel so divided
Between addiction and my dreams
I know what my life could be
I want to focus on the the good in me
But the bad can scream so loudly

I’m such a ******* coward
I want my life to change b
But this fear I have in side of me
Fear of anything that is strange

They say everyone has demons
An evil voice inside the brain
Mine have come into their own
Getting harder to maintain

I believe one day I’ll have the courage
To put my life on track
I worry if it doesn’t happen soon
I won’t have much life left
To get back

It's funny to think
My thoughts are in my control
Not constantly manipulated
By deaths outward pull
Every new idea from the first to the last
Has already been thought out
By a being from the past

My perception of reality is unclean
Stuck somewhere in between
I hear what you are saying
But you voice within me is not me

I have developed trust issues
Which is huge
I used to hand out trust
Like I had nothing to lose
Until I lost it all
I don’t blame just you
I am largely at fault
I know my choices
Caused this historic fall

I’m almost positive I’m not crazy
Their must be an explanation
Why your voice won’t let me be
I just want to be free
And I want to be clean
I need to know these last 8 years
Wasn’t just the sound of wind in the trees
And the occasional tweak

I’m diagnosed schizophrenic
Caused by drugs and genetics
which logic would have be believe
If it wasn’t for all the coincidences
The control of my internet
And all my electronic devices
I have seen proof
That something powerful
Must be behind of all this

I’m largely held back by not knowing
Plus the constant torture
God you voice is soo annoying

My Messed up mentality
Tells me the drugs makes you more seen
Or it just makes it easier
To trick a tweaked out mental freak

Everything I believe
All that my my mind
Has been able to conceive
Is just a speck
Forever it seems my life to me
But in the grand scheme
Eternity is almost nothing
When perceived by a being
So miniscule of forever
For forever my life will never be

Trying to wrap my head around
This bandage holds my brains, my crown
Royal I am worshiped is me
I am the one, the only, the supreme
Cause without me
Through my perception
My world would cease to be
A universe design
An encrypted code written
Materialized my mind
Oh with me you are so gifted
To debate is a crime
Punishable by a fine
Of 1,587,231.74 rupees
Or 44.44$ American
Or f#@k
Or ==(++)==^^^_^:-*=-O restroplionoans
Aw do I wish myself to be a restroplionoans
I just don't have the cash flow
To make such a trek across the stars at this time
But I am very open for donations
You can donate to my go fund me account
It's an empty coffee can sitting on my porch in
Hicktownvillesofnowheretown Illinois
Or just send a check or mug shots or **** selfies to
My cell# 9162280671 much obliged

I know you are here
Or so I think you were near
My eyes would deceive
If it were you
That I should see
Because you are
Constantly and indefinitely
with me
But you are not me
That is the most important part of all of this
That I KNOW
I KNOW
That your whisper inside my head
The voice I so very much dread
so many times wishing I were dead
Why You ask?
For once no reply
So to not tell a lie
Five years has passed
And I still so clearly hear your Wine
But I'm scared of your silence
These voices I'm soo used to
Create these thoughts of violence
It's tiresome
Trying to succeed

I step back and pause for a moment
So I may try to  understand this destructive path
I call my life
Like a light house
I only work when I burn bright
But it seems so many
Force me to fight
I fight my family
Cause they think they know best
But they don't know the struggle
When you don't have a home
Where your head can rest
They don't understand the need
To be high
To feel so human-less
I don't contribute to society
By working for minimum wage
I'm too busy
Out here on the streets
Playing the game
But unlike others this game is no joke
It’s a constant battle
To stay just above broke
Most of my meals
Come from dumpster
Or kind folks
The life of an addict
Living on the streets
I would wish Upon no one
Living each day in defeat
Praying for a way out
Praying that I’m not too weak

Relaxation is so distant
As my mind races question to thought
Shadows in my eye jump
Left then right
I think I'm losing my cool
Sleep
Is the last thing on my mind because
This poison coursing through my veins
A drug no man can tame
But almost all that try it
Change
Change from a human to a monster
Craving one more high
(Feinding)
One more to get out alive
Steal, sell, trade, ****
Anything to escape the real
But if real is hell
Then why do I catch myself in regret
Wishing to die everytime, NO, everytime
I exchange needle to vein
Once I do I change
The real me was fine
The real me is fine
Change, this change
This ugly rotten still destroying
Every good part of me change
Will really take the real ness of heaven
Real is what I want
cause **** is hell
Cause while high I'm in hell
**** is the leader, the dark prince,
The devil disguised
But you can still smell his chemical stench
**** is the devil
And I am the lost angel
Searching to find My way home
Back to the real that you so abruptly
Had to steal
Stop the damage and allow My wounds to heal
So I can have the strength to go home
Family, friends, my heaven, My home

Written before time
But now they appear
Reqruitments combined
With total fear
Scared of the unreal
Why won't they appear
Outlined in black
All details obscured
Supernatural tendencies
Or acrobatic abilities
Infinite locks
But only one key
Open another door
And more secrets you'll see

What have I done
The tears in your eyes
Loads this empty gun
My minds in disarray
Blindly I scream run
Bang, shouts a heavy noise
I'm scared, this used to be fun
Slowly on the floor
Blood begins to run
Oh god what have I done
What have I done

You should have just listened
Why wouldn't you just stop
Your screams are so penetrating
All of my morals became lost
It's not 100% my fault
You lost your temper
And you paid the final cost
I did what I had to do
Cause your mind is completely lost

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep
To awake with a smile from the sweetest dream
The first love of mine, the most beautiful thing
Such an amazing smile
Oh why can't my dreams be reality

She once was mine she is one of a kind
I could search all of my life
But our kind of love is just to hard to find

I wish my dreams were real
Cause when I dream she's with me still
I awake with a smile, but soon pain is all I feel
Oh why can't my dreams be real

I look at my past why did we not last
I was much to young wanted to go have fun
Three years now since I lost you
Wish I controlled time
Cause three years I would rewind
to my happiest time
Where true love I did find
Two hearts to one combined

I know that I hurt you
Sorry for all the pain I put you through
No words can describe
How small I feel inside
Got scared left u alone
But through the years I have grown
With u I am at home
Rachel you are the first love of my life
I dream of you almost every night
When morning comes I fight the sunlight
Cause in my dreams your love I feel
Oh why can't my dreams be real
Why can't my dreams be real

What the ****
Seriously
Why is pain such a reacuring memory

For me
Yes, i am me
And I am an addict
44 percent I think
(The number always fluctuates  depending on the situation)
I got cocky that's got to be it  
A new career
And some time in my pocket
And now I'm laying here
Black pupils so large
I need an exorcism

One day to recover until class
One ******* day

At least procrastination
Will be something I excel at
Oh and *******

Withdraw from your intellect
Intelligence in dissconnect
Stay awake but don't forget
Your better than your life's regrets

Mentally suffocating
Your choking me
I'm feeling so alienated
This horribly crazy life I lead
Or live this orchestrated life u give
So much by all I feel hated
Because I fail to live clean
But your path for me is faded
I'm all alone on my team
Why won't you just listen
I yell at you in repetition
To save me is stated
Your lies of your dreams Of my life without u
For me I can never be free
Same dreams but u make them impossible
Until u silence this voice in me

Why is it so difficult to leave my life alone
Cast that last stone
I feel like Frankenstein the monster
And your a mob of angry county officials
Getting high on locking away my roster
Big Man you are with you excess of power
Targeting helpless youth
Who only aim to survive
To escape imprisonment alive
To everyday simply strive
For some acceptance
To be be beat down literally abused by your hand
Because our hunger over took morals
What is right
Is right being cold and hungry every night
Is right being forced into institutions
You've already chosen my life's conclusion
My dreams depict my happy illusion
Our financial status fusion
Causing an eruption of misguided confusion
I'll win this war
When when it seems every battle I'm losing