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 Aug 2014 Alex Apples
a m a n d a
measure the
                       quantum  j i t t e r
go ahead,
i dare ya!            
say my name
     like you are
             casting it
                       in bronze
                  make it stay
*make something stay.
I don't feel the need to be entertained.
I just enjoy your proximity.

And even with your unmeaning insulting,
I just feel the need to impress.

No pressure.

I don't feel the need to be adored.
I just like when you talk to me.

And even with your condescending intelligence,
I just feel the need to impress.

No pressure.

I don't feel the need to always touch, taste, kiss, and hold you...

No pressure.
The past refuses to rest
In its shallow grave
As the memories return
A cascade of thoughts and emotions
Pouring into me as I contemplate
The feel of your hand in mine
As the city streets passed us by
Walking to nowhere
So happy, to be walking
to Nowhere

Your scent lingers just beneath my skin
Traces inhaled with every breath
Rose perfume with every yawn
Peanut butter kisses with every sip
Those green eyes so piercing stared
Into my soul, so fragile in love
The feel of your hair on my arm
Curled up in bed, with a book
Leaves me dreaming
If you were the one
You asked me to marry you.
I thought you were joking
The days I want that question to be true,
Are the days I practice signing my new last name.

You asked me to marry you.
I still think you're joking.
The times I wish my fairytale could be true, are the times we spend countless hours talking.

You asked me to marry you.
I...don't know if you're joking.
But the adventures we could have, and the love I could give you would be endless.

You asked me to marry you.
I said yes.
Falling like "fire"
Would be cheap.
I believe are of
A secret nature.
So old.
So wise.
They'd tell you
All the things
You never wanted
To hear.
You never understood,
But they were your stars.
So you listened.
And then
You fell.
And their words became
Your pain
Your pain
Blinding explosive.
Your pain.
Their pain.
And you knew,
Stars were not for
Childish wishes.
Stars were yours.
When some say;
"You have stars in your eyes."
You know.
The story.
The pain.
The wisdom.
Now when they fall,
Race across the sky,
You fall too.
Happy Birthday to my Kindred.
This is not poetry.
This is a rant.

This is not a rant.
This is a meaningless hope.

Don't leave me.
Don't end this.

I've fallen.
Hit the ground so hard.

I've flown.
Reached the clouds so exhilarating.

Don't leave me.
Don't end this.

I believe you.
That may be a mistake.

I adore you.
That may ******* me.

Don't leave me.
Don't end this.

My thoughts rest in you.
My dreams are yours.

My hopes you can crush.
My heart you could mangle.

See, this is not poetry.
This is my fear.

Fear you will leave.
Fear you will end this.

Fear that I have meaningless hope.
Fear that you don't love me.
I listen.
Not well.
But I can hear you.

I killed you.
Old, pathetic,  feeble.
You held me back.

I learned to jump.
Be wild, dive in.
Ignoring the warnings
From my memories.

I became better.
Because you were dead.

That person I was.
Me. I had killed me.
The echo of past.
The dull roar of present.

I should have known better.

You can only silence,  
Never ****.

You made me lose
Myself in order to get
Away from you.


I listen.
Not well.
But I can hear you.
 Aug 2013 Alex Apples
James Joyce
Gentle lady, do not sing
Sad songs about the end of love;
Lay aside sadness and sing
How love that passes is enough.

Sing about the long deep sleep
Of lovers that are dead, and how
In the grave all love shall sleep:
Love is aweary now.
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