It didn't feel real.
The way I laid there,
Gazing at the ceiling for hours,
Listening to music,
And day dreaming most of the day away.
And I realized that it was wrong.
The way we moved to music,
Syncing to it at the wrong time,
Out of pace,
And forgetting the distance we had to go.
We crossed years of time in a matter of weeks,
Causing cracks to form in the walls,
That a sledge hammer might pound into,
And the cord was wearing out,
The hold and the control was disappearing,
And the walls got a little thicker,
With each blow,
They worked harder to repair.
Patchwork, and crumbled bits of brick and of mortar,
Lining the floor,
And the marble had lost its sheen,
The windows fogged up,
And the paint started to peel off the walls,
Decay in the highest.
The sun started to set,
And when night came no stars lit up the sky,
It was empty of beauty,
It was bland, dark,
And composed of nothing but air and space.
When we went to bed,
I don't think we realized we'd wake up on the same frequency,
But it happened,
And I don't regret it,
Anymore than I regret the feeling of your hands in my hair,
Draining all the color from my skin,
And my bones becoming porous,
Taking it all in,
Piece my piece.
But it was wrong.
The queen descended her throne,
And went off to find the black armored knight she used to know.
The ***** grabbed her bow and arrows,
And departed the forest in search of the hunter.
The Phoenix left to find the thief,
And the lost girl in the forest,
Chased after the wolf she used to love.
And I, I emerged in perfect sync.
Adorned my crown of daisies,
Held close to my heart the memories of the ocean,
The love of the forest,
The dismay of the dark and the quiet,
The hope for sunrise,
The dreams of mountain tops,
And the wings I never should have lost.
I emerged scarred, and battered.
But I saw what I needed to see all a long,
And when I met the lost boy for the first time,
I didn't know what to do with it,
And though his lips on my own felt wonderful,
There were things I needed to set in motion first.
I ascended the throne,
No longer a princess, a *****, a Phoenix, or a succubus.
I was a woman then,
And I knew ten times better.
That any battle is best won with time and patience,
I replaced my crown of daisies with that of gold,
Because I finally deserved it.
And my life took on a new turn,
And it no longer pained me to watch as I let go of my control,
Because I recognized that I had none to begin with,
I only have what I remember.
My heart was no longer a battery,
Or made of stone, or covered in black to the point I hated the idea of love, or hated the idea of feeling.
I recognized my fear,
I came to terms with my demons,
And let the skeletons out of the closet.
I threw off my cloak,
Slammed into all the walls,
And let them come crashing down.
This isn't weakness,
This is strength, courage,
And hope in the rawest and rarest and purest form.
I am happy.
I believe that good things will come,
No matter what pain and agony I have to endure to get it,
It will be worth the wait,
Worth the struggle,
And when the battle is won,
I will be victorious,
Not by force,
But by my skill,
And the love for myself that I now so valiantly feel.
It radiates through me,
And shines out like the brightest star.
I'm back set in motion,
I came back home from the sea,
I left the forest,
I cast off the shadows,
And I danced for the first time in my life.
Out of pure joy,
And when HE opened his arms to me,
The golden gates opened,
my wings came back,
And my crown shined brighter than it ever did before.
God, bless my soul.
Carry me through the storms,
And never let my knees get weakened,
Give me the courage to stand tall,
The grace and the serenity,
And release my control.
I laid there and watched the clouds move,
Making shapes and hearing the words come back like the loudest thunder,
And I knew I was justified,
I knew I had found peace.
It is well, with my soul.