i'll play with the letters tomorrow
when i have something to think about
more to give
less energy blockage in my root
let's get the blood flowing
overdue and underpaid
apples ripe and ready for the picking
let them rot
spin me around myself
i like the feeling of night
the concept of dreaming
indigo moving freely through spacetime
who are you when you are in my mind
a storyteller i am the puppeteer
off with their heads!!!
can we see the amazon from there
oh no we're too close maybe we should back up
move to timbuktu
when the time is right, you say
he likes real
i like a sufficient imagination
and more wisdom to make up for what i lack
such a child i am such a baby i am an embryo
zero experience
all talk no action
you know how it goes
listen to the rhythm of the flow
when there is breath there is real
i like the words to express
but no energy to care
at the moment
pure stream-of-consciousness
i said
tomorrow may be different

clementine
you are gone
dreadful sorry
you are dead
not asleep
you've gone to swim and play
with the fish, down in the deep
it's my soul you keep
clementine
what happened to that girl i used to know
you had to go
had to leave
some would say it was your destiny
some would say it was your fate
i fear i learned to swim too late
the ducks won't stop
it's on repeat
i hear it when i'm mining
i see it when i sleep
clementine
please come back home
i'm all alone
clementine
i'll come to you
with this world, i'm through
goodbye, my darling
i'll see you again
fear not, my haven
you're just around the riverbend

i've waited so long to get what i've got
you must have pretended to be something you're not
i feel as if it was a waste of time
i did all this work with you on my mind
i think of this as a mere prize
to be able to look into your undeserving eyes
if you leave, i'll pull the trigger
stricken with agony, i will wither
i'm stuck with this mercurial disease
of self pity, brokenness, and jealousy
the ombudsman will come and ask you
"sir, i've looked over evidence, searched for clues
do you know how much pain you've cost?
because of you, her life is lost
the troubling glances, the disturbing glares
i hope they all cause you great despair
in finding new love, new dreams, no strife
because, young man, you've cost her her life
no, not like that, she's not dead you see
she's lost everything that fills her with glee
for the rest of her life while she lays in bed
she'll have thoughts of you running through her head"
and with all that, i'll also leave this
a lifetime of guilt and a goodbye kiss

I am not a vector I am Right Now
I am not going there,
I am Everywhere I am
How?
Right Here
There is no where to go where I haven’t been
Only places to explore again?
I am the Setting and I am the Sculptor
I am the Prince and I am the Pauper
I am you I am me
I am sadness I am glee
The Most Complex and the Simplest form
I am whole I am torn
This could go on for an eon or two
I am old and I am new

now i know why
i couldn't understand you
takes more work
to understand what you are
less to understand what isn't
hello again
undeniable failure
we meet again to carry on
fix the cricks and cracks and make something out of it
this is what the helix looks like in motion
personification they call it i call it incarnation
always the same old loop
only up and up into higher dimensions
wheel of samsara
we will ever get out
forever
and we never stay still
something to be said here
i knew it would all come together
it always does
<<<(((>>>))) vector valued functions
and cosine waves and choreography
representation of me in dimension 1
here you go
you get what you came for
you get what you paid for
circular motion
we ride the waves over and over and over again
most everyone i know is stuck in some kind of frozen time clock
~sometimes it's easier to let it all run together~
sometimes you see them and they see you but you can't ever reach across
i want to give you this, give you that but the great divide is too large i've found
you've got to jump on your own
then the moving ones are either moving too fast or too slow and so you ride along alone on your little boat and take it all in
at the finish line none of it matters anyways
but if you insist on being first, be my guest
have all the blue ribbons
i'll take the red
can you ever really stop once the motion starts?
i don't want to anyway
sometimes i feel like i'm never going anywhere then i check
woah - way down stream
an object in motion:
where you're going
every action:
where you end up
i am not combustible
i am combustion

chugging a toxic concoction
liquid glass
underscore aftermath underscore bad omen
honestly personally to me
an omen is simply an omen
no connotations
you gotta do what the omen tells you to
then you go and do the next thing
no biggie
dilate my pupils
bless me
tick tick tick
tock tock
whoooooooooooooooooooom
and some fibonacci sequence song laced with electric guitar
what good does this do
you only ever speak in riddles


havent you ever had some of that good
wonton soup
i thought so

laced throughout, latent within
a masterpiece of absence some would call absurdity
last call for faith found only in fallacy
there is no tomorrow
only what could have been or what was
am i the drum or the beat or the silence
calculated, cold fervency constantly under pressure
pushing further each time
deeper into the depths some would call despair
i say manifest or wonder or
both the flight and the fall arduous
did the arrow ever forget how to soar
there is no candor in destination
no blood in the lion's den
to concede death is to walk inside
when the curtains close
i believe in

my heart beats namelessly
numb
it pumps my blue blood
through my neverending veins
(or so it thinks)
you give me a feeling
i haven't felt in a long time
one i yearn for
one i strive to remember
i cannot forget the look on your face
though i have not seen that one just yet
i long for the days of innocence,
had we just a few?

your lips
colder than the ice cube
melting under the bar
after the sprawl a few minutes ago
what am i even saying
you are heartless
and i do not want a thing
i want someone to love me.
not anyone,
just you

tears keep falling

meandering ever closer as the time wears thin
a masquerade
can you hide behind what isn't there
a moment
a memory
a medallion
congratulations
you win
now pack your things and sail away
three hundred and sixty degrees
surprise
you were here before you ever began
imagine that
the unconscious got you here on time
bruised but brazen and why wouldn't you be
it's concievable
you were handed a light
so you took it
how long until the fire dies
until the bruises heal

oh
you're back again
bruised anew
such a sorry story
though rich indeed
for every time you arrive here
newly shaken
you get a little closer
and every time you go back
you think you've gotten it all right this time

again?
does the circle ever end?
the fated exasperation
poor my plight
how can i make it back again
through the trenches and rain
but you do
perseverance is key
see you 'round

what



don't go

what

stay here
and listen still

one....
two....
three....

you and i each took a horn of the bull and rode off into the proverbial sunset where angel dust is the reason our eyes are opening back up after the re-
set. set. set. set.
the sun was hanging out with the moon at all times and the dish never ran away with the spoon but they continued to live in the limelight

which was the color purple
and the only frightening thing was that death was all around us
but he was grounded from taking anything that wasn't his to begin with so we played in the mud and rolled in the dirt until our skin was as black as tar and we looked like monsters who didn't know we were

just
the
same

and the fireman called for rain because he was trying to stop the sun from burning out; we didn't mind and we danced in the fallout until our bodies were sore and we were clean again.
when the lightening hit we started to glow and you screamed about how fractions didn't make sense half of the time and i cried that's a third of the battle and you were already a forth of the way there. we split a fifth of whiskey and commented on the price of fingerpaints and letterman jackets

as we sat on the edge of the pier on the edge of the lake the river the sea
i told you i didn't know if you would ever be real to me and that i knew the ride was the journey but the war was being waged and i didn't want to bring you onto the battlefield anymore than you had to be
you sighed and explained to me that each battle must be fought one at a time and we would cross that landbridge once we got there

we sailed off together in a lifeboat on the way to timbuktu while i sang to you softly:
"your shadow follows me all day making sure that i'm okay and we're a million miles away"
you held my hand as my feet dangled in the water
we laughed again.

take me back to the day i first met you
under that autumn sky, an everlasting blue
when your eyes first met mine, what a wonderful sight
oh, i cannot explain how i filled with delight

take me back to the day i fell for you
under the sycamore tree, down by the school
with our bodies pressed tight, fingers intertwined
i knew that you, my love, would forever be mine

take me back to the day when your tongue tasted sweet
our hearts beating nearly at the same exact speed
when there was nothing to lose, and nothing to gain
i hoped and i prayed nothing would ever change

symbiosis is beautiful
the very idea of a living organism thriving because of the providence of another is all at once baffling and magnificent
the unconditional love Mother Earth must feel for us humans
she allows us not only to live, to thrive on her soil
but to turn into ruin the once majestic
she has no qualms, only she prays that one day we will have derived knowledge from her horrendous suffering
all she knows to give
to give to give to give
only until we cannot take any further
be it because we are buried within her, spread upon her
or because, simply, she will have nothing left to provide
learn from her what she cannot say
for she has no mouth to speak
no eyes to convey
no hands to gesture
all she has - everything she is
until the day of her last breath
until the day the sun swallows her whole
you can have her entirety
eventually
all she will be
all you will be
all all will be
is dust

the moon, never will it disappear
it waxes and it wanes
backandforthandbackandforth, not a sphere
but the darkness it feigns

the sun sets, it does not
the earth turnsTHE EARTH TURNS
and while you're facing oblivion, ought
the sun, on fire, it burns. It burns.

the souls are not stuck in hell
they breathe they leave they die
and then go on, in time, to dwell
amidst the never-ending sky

connect me
ground me
slap me
kiss me
show me that there's something worth living for
tell me that i can do it
the grass and green and
the winter was long
but spring is here
i know the weatherman called for rain
but the sky is looking pretty blue
to me
what about you?
and the flowers
oh, the ******* flowers

we are safe here
among the fern fronds
among the cigarette smoke
-you can not move-
you can not go from here
not now, anyway
i can not stay
but i do and i feel all the better for it
i try to reason myself out of this mess
"you have feet" i say
"you have feet and you don't need shoes"
"you don't need anything but money"
when that doesn't work i move to reconciliation
you did not get what you asked for
you got something better
this is why the leaves turn brown in the fall
why the caged bird sings
circles are round and butterflies never fall, they float
all the way down
no conveniently built staircase
how do you get back up again?

my journey began
and ended at twilight
i didn't know that just yet
but it was an uneducated guess
that i was willing to take

my eyes caressed the valley
lit by the faint glow
of the autumn crescent moon
looking for nothing in particular
but everything
simultaneously

something to marvel at would be
the way the owl shoots out sound waves
and they travel across the desolate air
entering my mind

this is a primitive moment
something time will always hope to be
but never quite make it there

it wouldn't matter if the trees grew upside down
we wouldn't know the difference

unyielding in their ascent towards greatness
millions of strong arms supporting trillions of delicate leaves
rippling in the wind like water as blue as the night sky
although it is they who provide the stronghold
shielding sheltering shade that hides what lurks beneath
a shroud of secrecy
mostly a medley of greens and browns
then red juxtaposed on orange coalesced with yellow montaged on green grown from dark crust dark root dark earth
then total darkness
always rain
and when the light does return
there again a symphony

the lifting of the veil
so bittersweet
if only i could close my eyes again
forget the things i didn't used to know
then maybe i could howl at the moon with my laughter like i used to
spend my nights
careless,
        carefree
dancing under the Northern Lights

happy.
but the world can't be saved by the sun
the spoken word
and neither can you
only backwards thinking and broken promises

but we never really had a chance anyways,
did we?
what begins in flames will, inevitably end
in flames
(or maybe darkness)
an atomic bomb going off at the top of Mount Everest on the coldest night of the year
(what in God's name was that?)
(the whole mountain is imploding)
imminent death.

if only i could feel you now
the sweet, sullen grace that grasps your foul mouth
your filthy façade that paralyzed my senses
unwound, like a clock
i came
frozen eternally
on 7:29
(am or pm?)

only the best lovers can bring out the worst in each other

your eyes are breathing and diffusing and melting through my soul
here this is a matter of fact option or a loosely held belief or a miracle
but i don't really know yet
you are here with me
and that's enough
you feel like oxygen to me
i was drowning
now i can breathe again


(
but only sometimes
(
when the time is right )
all the other times are meaningless
too much logic
but can you ever have enough?
addicted to the acquisition
listen to the sound )

blood only pours out of the eyes for a moment
then next tragedy but crying nevermore
how can the balance be managed
specify the step by step
and i will follow you to the place of no return
yes i said that
i don't want to know the finish line
i want to know the now
how to implement
what it means
if it really matters in the first place
take nothing seriously, but everything in stride
is that really the end game
not even yourself
not even me
i am tired of running out of energy
i am tired of running out of time that drags on
bomb the stakes if it makes the wheels start running again
there are better ways to do things
rust can be conquered with acid
prevented with oil
so many people thinking they know it all
where were you when the walls came crashing down
not you, they
when the city lights still burned but for all the wrong reasons
what can you do now then do it
not you, they
i create for me
expression of the artist
i mask the death with breath
hide the pain with plasticity
i can make it to the finish line
because i will myself there every moment, a modulation
step by step i tell myself
i take myself
while you prance to and fro
when respect is shown
i will take you
and i will listen

violins

are very Beautiful
the sound,
like none other
but, you see,
if i touched a violin
       it
       would
       (probably)
       break
'cause i have never met one before
and it's just my luck
to break the violin
i would rather

listen

the symphonic forest grows without restraint
if you listen you can feel the pulse
from the center of symphony
though never could you reach it
the force sending you back from the edge of imagination
time and time again
if the heart stops, the symphony stops
then there are no edges
which means there is only Cause To Be and no will
no guiding lines
if you were somebody else you could not reach the heart
because the heart does **** or be killed
never would it trust a conscious Self
the mere possibility of manipulation and everything speeds up
the song is playing faster, harder now
beats are coming closer together
wolves are on the prowl and the cougars have awoken.
the pulse is moving through you, with you, taking you back each time
all the while it feels like you're moving forward
it's the perpetual challenge
get from the guided to the non-guided
yeah you can't do that when you're being guided
the consciousness is separate from the heart
has choice
power
facilitation
heart, deliberate reaction, no possibilities
only what will happen
you can always keep trying

oh the things i need to do
to write
to scream
i need to go to the gym
to eat healthy
breathe more
be More

i need to stop asking why
start asking when?
or how?

what does a mother do with her children
she nurtures
and waits.

oh, how the fate it wants to turn
i just sit and watch and drink

the greatest soldier can rip apart an army
i, on the other hand, can’t think about another hand
i only have two

and that is enough for me

Siroccos,
               Siroccos,
what does your fortune tell?
how many times have past around
since those men drew the well?

no favors given
and none received
except, of course,
the neverending gloat
of my heart upon my sleeve

i long for days that haven't passed
i long for days that will
meaningless moments and precarious premonitions, yes

they are,
sit upon my windowsill

i lost a lot
i lost it all
Every Single Bit
and if you could come a little closer
well,
you'd hear me have a fit

but i lock it up inside my mind
and hope like hell it stays
feel in underneath my skin
the yellow screaming rays
and if it doesn't
well, you know
my head will surely blow
and if it does
not a peep, in comes
from underneath the stone

a martyr lives within the walls
sits atop the tattered throne
the beat beat beat of the rhythm drum
so swift it's almost imperceptible
collosal fields together they roam
innocent, dangerous
filled with magnitude and grace
there is no where to go but hither
no air to breathe
wind to howl
earth to shake
only nigh
never would they want to stop the dance
never they would
from the time the stoplights say go
and the engines start revving
always better yet
and never quite actually intended
oblivious, almost
to the very threat that haunts their fragile bones
whistles screaming in the distance forevermore
spare me today, earth mother
but not tomorrow
for i am nothing without my shadow

first thing we need to understand here
what is this so called good life
and how do you get one
well you don't because that doesn't exist
but then you get this positive outlook and it says
"hey this is a good life"
so you keep it around for awhile
but is that outlook even logical?
there is no such thing as good
so it's all a bunch of rotten bologna
autopilot is driving
but it can't see anything
it's just taking me
so i'm in the car
going
fine
but i don't want to have a good life
i want to live

the grenades are never blowing up but you can sure continue to put effort into throwing them my way
really isnt that all that matters?
the expenditure of energy

intention is subjective

light
that makes you see
darkness
that makes you feel
light
that screams
truth
the brightest light
unforgiving
unrelenting
unending

an object in motion tends to stay in motion
rolling on since the dawn of dawn itself
never a convergence,
only a continuance of what will have been
teacher, what happens when the wheel stops turning?
"actually it never stops
the wheel keeps going on and on and on"
when it does, the wheel has never turned before
(or something like that)
let me think a spell

perpetual motion, a mighty mistake
only nothing can keep up with itself
does a **** good job of it too
"what are you waiting for?"
what's already there
lounging around
like the desert cat waiting for the next meal
top of the food chain
or maybe the bottom, if you see it that way

it's possible to be addicted to the advantage of paradoxical thinking
the most meaningful questions can never be asked
only proposed, reinstated every time
keep stacking blocks

so there i was
trapped
in the body of another woman
screaming
to get out
this isn't me
this
is
not
me
my thoughts were not mine
they were hers
my life was not mine
it was hers
my fears,
they were not mine

they were hers

when i scream, she laughs
and when she screams
i cry

i don't own a mouth
anymore
i don't own a breath
anymore
hell,
i don't own a god ****** thing

anymore

how can i define myself
when i don't even know who i am

trapped and twisted and
doomed to eternal turmoil

when will i be free
when will i be
when will i

when

it gets crowded, murky
then it's gone
leaves behind dirt

now that i think of it

it never was

but it doesn't anoint you with the bad karma
so i stick with what's real and hope the ripples get back in time

i never thanked you for passing me the torch
like i can see now

they feel good around my wrists
and i like the bruises

it's okay you're not under arrest let me see your passport
i'll take you there
no concern in the nothing
the perpetual stare into the abyss

admit it
you won't find what you are looking for
but you'll have a **** good time trying

open that door and you'll see

here's the torch

but i won't close the door

oh it doesn't matter because there's a banana peel on the floor
if you don't watch out you're gonna slip
it's going to feel good when your buttox hits the floor
and the cat eats your tongue

i'm hungry and you're right here so let me take my clothes off
oh wait no they're fine but i am going to the bathroom afterward

how much are these?

it's a **** shame people don't use pennies anymore
especially when we made a promise to abraham

lincoln laughs
i wanna hear the things
the whole jingle

that would be awful
to throw away the whole penny
oh man
it's like not drinking any ***** at the nice restaurant

oh well i like wine anyway

i don't know why they are still stumbling
i told them to hide the wallet
but now we're in a whole new neighborhood
that's gotta count for something, right?

where are you going?
out to the driveway to grab the other one

ok let's get rid of our dressing room
let's get rid of everything
palm trees

they don't look like me?
would you like to come with us>
awesome
so what happened

i'm good

hold on i'm thinking about doing this laundry
i left the packaging on the plastic dolphin
it's hot out here

we arrived
close your eyes
it hurts you when you have expenses

don't revert
turn it off
i did

but i can make an opinion

i lost myself
in fields of blue daisies
cherry blossoms falling from the sky
they knew not of themselves or me
but they continued to be
blue
i cried
for they would never know of
their existential beauty
they cried 'cause i'd never know of
mine

i found myself in a field of gardenias
yesterday evening
the petals spun 'round each other while
i spun around the thoughts in my mind
after 'while
we became one
me and the thoughts
the flowers and i

the world is my shepard
and i will follow you
to the place of no return
after the integration stops and i am whole again
deciduous, i call it
the shedding of the skin
over and over until i am whole again
until the emptiness becomes that which it is not
factor and regurgitate
can you hear the echo like a wildebeest
kissing the noses softly
but i am alone
right where i want to be
in the center of the landfill
take my money
but you can't take my home
you can't take my home
one day you will remember

there you all stay
tucked in your beds like the little ants youve grown up to be
prancing around in your dreams
to and fro
on the way to meeting your destinies
they're all the same mind you
here now its time to attend the masquerade ball
paint your face on
ask them how their mothers are getting along
yeah sure im prone to flights of fancy from time to time
but you can ask me anything youd like
not saying ill answer
the offers there waiting on the table
take advantage or dont
am not here to pass judgement
only here to be here
and to go
same as you
same as anybody
going
going
gone
thats what they all do
go and go and go
til they cant anymore
whos doing the staying
the scoundrel
you demon child you
stop waiting around
get up and GO
there's places to be and youre waiting at home alone
for the lights to go out
the paper trail to disappear
thats all fine and dandy when you dont have a train to catch
you miss your chance and youre out
badda boom badda bang
all thats left is the old messenger bag
filled with an empty bottle of liquor
that girl really knows how to sing
she can belt it out like nobodys business
really

every man must rise and fall and rise and fall again
until they fall forever
the Great descent
isn’t it a contest?
to contest the common way?
me on my journey
i’m yearning, straining to be free
but i’m fixated, suffering
a cycle
a soldered wheel
do i want to?
do i want to get off?
the bottom; terror
the top is always a promise
a promise that i love to keep

a man who thinks doesn’t know
a man who knows doesn’t think

that’s what they say

and yet,
to simply



be

what a chore

here we go again

pressure filling up my lungs
diffusing through my capillaries
and into my blood

take me where i need to go
on your best behavior
always following the path of diffusion
least resistance effortless grace destiny

lowest to highest
and we do it all over again

queen of sulfur
of action
of always going somewhere that isn't here
king of manipulation
i've got it
we're here
it's done
let's make up a story
queen sulfur and king manipulation are lovers
bad ones
king manipulation stole sulfur's heart
with no effort
before she even knew it was happening
and then boom
she knows it
i have been manipulated she describes
and here's the thing about sulfur
she's a little reactive
clippy clop don't stop
yeah that kind of thing
so she's doing and he's trying
without doing anything at all
finally sulfur decides to flip the script on him
he knows it, of course, tries to stop it
doesn't understand, acts like it anyway
he knows a lot of things but he doesn't know everything
king you must know best she replies
and king agrees

january
february

march
april
may

saturday
sunday
just another day

so yet I have no songs to sing
no aspirations that I dream

there is a thing called Wanderlust
an aspiration I don't touch

if I cannot be right here
I can't, in fact, be anywhere
I'll always be locked in my mind
looking for treasures I won't find

and still I reach for something more
my ship, it never goes ashore
and I adore

the mystery

TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS

like an american
I show my pride in black and white
a colored world has a divide
a sandcastle, it never fits
inside the box of wind and mist
but still I set my flame alight
and fall into the dark

dark
night

divergence divergence
meet me at ten
i could kiss your monotone lips, your lighted eyes
in your quick glances a grander feeling
floating like a feather in spite of you
effortless
by your command, your suggestion, your guidance
working on up through towards never equaling infinity
resistance creates a larger *****
but resist we try as we make room for the never-coming
i know you see right through (but not in)
and it's a **** good thing because the message isn't clear
computing, comparing, contrasting still
deliberate derivation, patient integration
a mistake i would make again
to feel the security of then
and the ever-outstanding promise of the rendezvous

colors abounding
reds and yellows
your lifeblood
flowing like a river
through your
overworked veins
time is stopped
here but you'll
never live if
you don't open
the gate,
share your glory
if all you've got
left is sorrow
set it free