to kindle the flame of fear is a most prominent endeavor
one is never ready, never willing but always doing so without regard for the
   consequence
what a wondrous weight
an unfathomable burden
a dignity never dignified
at least, to the portrayer
fear
which plunders the familiar darkness
hangs hope from the tallest tree
solicits the soul until suddenly, soddenly it becomes
magnificently maneuvered, a true feat
leaving no time to act
to question what is being done
the fury of such force
inescapable
unable to be transcended by will,
one must endure the totality
until the fire has retreated,
the light extinguished, smoke cleared
and one can breathe easily again

the bang didn't create the space it created the stuff
there was all that space sitting around waiting for the inevitable
waiting and waiting to be opened up into &
all that was left to happen happened
what a relief
chain of events - action to reaction to reaction
was there any other way?
big little ***** imploding over and over again for so long
burning burning burning
until they Xploooooode and turn into something new again
a real delight
all that power and rock marbles always coming back around
or gas giants soaring. tenants playing make-believe
what are we to do today?
look at the crater moon, did you ever want to be an astronaut?
all systems are go - lucy says kick kick

i wrote your number down
even though i'll never call you
i don't care if that's weird
i only wanted to know what it would feel like to see it in writing

i wonder about your voice
what it would sound like to hear you say
"i hate you"
or
"i never did."
maybe we could talk about the weather up north
or the politics down here in the south
(they're not heading in any other direction)
we could talk about how my flowers never bloomed
how your job at the pizza parlor is going
or how we're running out of time

anything would do
anything
just to fill the one thing
that is filling all these miles between us

silence
oh, the deafening silence
how it jars with my ears
battles with my brain
messes with my mind

from time to time i hear you
i wonder if you can hear me too

i'll play with the letters tomorrow
when i have something to think about
more to give
less energy blockage in my root
let's get the blood flowing
overdue and underpaid
apples ripe and ready for the picking
let them rot
spin me around myself
i like the feeling of night
the concept of dreaming
indigo moving freely through spacetime
who are you when you are in my mind
a storyteller i am the puppeteer
off with their heads!!!
can we see the amazon from there
oh no we're too close maybe we should back up
move to timbuktu
when the time is right, you say
he likes real
i like a sufficient imagination
and more wisdom to make up for what i lack
such a child i am such a baby i am an embryo
zero experience
all talk no action
you know how it goes
listen to the rhythm of the flow
when there is breath there is real
i like the words to express
but no energy to care
at the moment
pure stream-of-consciousness
i said
tomorrow may be different

i am the space between the minute shadows of light on the creases of a soft white blanket enveloping half of your beautiful face

All faces are beautiful

the symphonic forest grows without restraint
if you listen you can feel the pulse
from the center of symphony
though never could you reach it
the force sending you back from the edge of imagination
time and time again
if the heart stops, the symphony stops
then there are no edges
which means there is only Cause To Be and no will
no guiding lines
if you were somebody else you could not reach the heart
because the heart does **** or be killed
never would it trust a conscious Self
the mere possibility of manipulation and everything speeds up
the song is playing faster, harder now
beats are coming closer together
wolves are on the prowl and the cougars have awoken.
the pulse is moving through you, with you, taking you back each time
all the while it feels like you're moving forward
it's the perpetual challenge
get from the guided to the non-guided
yeah you can't do that when you're being guided
the consciousness is separate from the heart
has choice
power
facilitation
heart, deliberate reaction, no possibilities
only what will happen
you can always keep trying

all
darkness
time
depth
energy
mind
ego
fear
creation
art
light
t­wo
separation
hate
loneliness
desperation
matter
death
pride
dest­ruction
sound
words
communication
understanding
acceptance
love
s­pirit
whole

unyielding in their ascent towards greatness
millions of strong arms supporting trillions of delicate leaves
rippling in the wind like water as blue as the night sky
although it is they who provide the stronghold
shielding sheltering shade that hides what lurks beneath
a shroud of secrecy
mostly a medley of greens and browns
then red juxtaposed on orange coalesced with yellow montaged on green grown from dark crust dark root dark earth
then total darkness
always rain
and when the light does return
there again a symphony

be the sea
let the current
wash away
it all let it
fillthespaces
your heart cannot
let it wash over
you let it control
want you cannot
let it be
everything you
Wanted to
everything you
couldn't be
if you don't
want to let it
fill you completely
you could always
grab my hand
and never lose me
ever.
don't let the current
take me away
-be the sea

an object in motion tends to stay in motion
rolling on since the dawn of dawn itself
never a convergence,
only a continuance of what will have been
teacher, what happens when the wheel stops turning?
"actually it never stops
the wheel keeps going on and on and on"
when it does, the wheel has never turned before
(or something like that)
let me think a spell

perpetual motion, a mighty mistake
only nothing can keep up with itself
does a **** good job of it too
"what are you waiting for?"
what's already there
lounging around
like the desert cat waiting for the next meal
top of the food chain
or maybe the bottom, if you see it that way

it's possible to be addicted to the advantage of paradoxical thinking
the most meaningful questions can never be asked
only proposed, reinstated every time
keep stacking blocks

now i know why
i couldn't understand you
takes more work
to understand what you are
less to understand what isn't
hello again
undeniable failure
we meet again to carry on
fix the cricks and cracks and make something out of it
this is what the helix looks like in motion
personification they call it i call it incarnation
always the same old loop
only up and up into higher dimensions
wheel of samsara
we will ever get out
forever
and we never stay still
something to be said here
i knew it would all come together
it always does
<<<(((>>>))) vector valued functions
and cosine waves and choreography
representation of me in dimension 1
here you go
you get what you came for
you get what you paid for
circular motion
we ride the waves over and over and over again
most everyone i know is stuck in some kind of frozen time clock
~sometimes it's easier to let it all run together~
sometimes you see them and they see you but you can't ever reach across
i want to give you this, give you that but the great divide is too large i've found
you've got to jump on your own
then the moving ones are either moving too fast or too slow and so you ride along alone on your little boat and take it all in
at the finish line none of it matters anyways
but if you insist on being first, be my guest
have all the blue ribbons
i'll take the red
can you ever really stop once the motion starts?
i don't want to anyway
sometimes i feel like i'm never going anywhere then i check
woah - way down stream
an object in motion:
where you're going
every action:
where you end up
i am not combustible
i am combustion

i made it through the winter
not once did a single echo make it back to me
never did sound pass the confines of my tired mouth
any hope would have been ill-fated
trying would have been futile,
fruitless
my efforts were solely focused on making it to this moment
aimlessly i drifted through this atmosphere of doom
every breath one step closer to my annihilation
but that never phased you
you knew where you would wind up
among the sounds of this midsummer's morning
us, together flying in concentric circles
the head of the girl i lead at the center of it all
quite aware that the echoes coming back to me (to her) [to us]
are your finite fabrications meant to keep me awake for just a moment longer
so you can [try] to break my wings
again - i find this
infinitesimal and perpetual
predictable - i know what's headed my way
i get it. i get you
i dawdle a bit. slow the trite movement of my delicate arms,
always reaching out to take me higher,
giving you an opportunity to pounce
on the only thing you've been grappling for this whole time
but today, i'm not lost or looking for home.
my mind can only regard this as farcical now
and i can feel nothing but the monotonous beating of my weary heart
i'm numb.
i sense the sun coming up over the horizon and my energy's abating rapidly
i gather the state of my anticipation
or the lack of interest in participating, in trying to escape
has led you to save your trials for another day,
i'll be expecting you.
i quietly diffuse back into the girl i call home
allowing my thoughts, my words, my echoing voice
to be expressed once more.

man oh man
i am giddy like a child when i read you baby
lets go back to your room and bang until the sun burns out

but it doesn't anoint you with the bad karma
so i stick with what's real and hope the ripples get back in time

i never thanked you for passing me the torch
like i can see now

they feel good around my wrists
and i like the bruises

it's okay you're not under arrest let me see your passport
i'll take you there
no concern in the nothing
the perpetual stare into the abyss

admit it
you won't find what you are looking for
but you'll have a **** good time trying

open that door and you'll see

here's the torch

but i won't close the door

first thing we need to understand here
what is this so called good life
and how do you get one
well you don't because that doesn't exist
but then you get this positive outlook and it says
"hey this is a good life"
so you keep it around for awhile
but is that outlook even logical?
there is no such thing as good
so it's all a bunch of rotten bologna
autopilot is driving
but it can't see anything
it's just taking me
so i'm in the car
going
fine
but i don't want to have a good life
i want to live

your eyes
bluer than any sky i could ever dream of
your voice
sweeter than the sugar i put in my tea
on Sunday morning
(if i drank tea)
i want you,
not in a physical sense
(actually yes in a physical sense)
but your soul
your soul is what i want
what i need, what i crave
do you feel the same for me?
the things i would do to you
the things i will do to you
the many times i will kiss you
it's only been a half hour
but i miss you
this is the start of something beautiful
this blood in my veins
it's for you.
all for you, my love
it's almost half past three in the morning
all i can think of is your face
how i want to hold each of your cheeks in my hands
and kiss you like you've never known
the thought of you consumes me
every second
it's only been a week
we haven't even really touched yet
i want to know every inch of you
to savor every piece of your beautiful body
i will show you a love you have never known

january
february

march
april
may

saturday
sunday
just another day

so yet I have no songs to sing
no aspirations that I dream

there is a thing called Wanderlust
an aspiration I don't touch

if I cannot be right here
I can't, in fact, be anywhere
I'll always be locked in my mind
looking for treasures I won't find

and still I reach for something more
my ship, it never goes ashore
and I adore

the mystery

TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS

like an american
I show my pride in black and white
a colored world has a divide
a sandcastle, it never fits
inside the box of wind and mist
but still I set my flame alight
and fall into the dark

dark
night

laced throughout, latent within
a masterpiece of absence some would call absurdity
last call for faith found only in fallacy
there is no tomorrow
only what could have been or what was
am i the drum or the beat or the silence
calculated, cold fervency constantly under pressure
pushing further each time
deeper into the depths some would call despair
i say manifest or wonder or
both the flight and the fall arduous
did the arrow ever forget how to soar
there is no candor in destination
no blood in the lion's den
to concede death is to walk inside
when the curtains close
i believe in

there is no safety in
anything
but results
results results results
don't make a conclusion
you're wrong
all conclusions are doubtful and they smell bad
wafting in from somewhere over there far away
uncertainty is where the fortune lies
the birds don't sing
the sun doesn't rise
the water doesn't flow
don't make conclusions
and you can bridge the gap
(maybe)

listen to the leaves
the rise and fall of the in between
protection, power
both subjective
show me outside of here
and then we're getting somewhere
integration
rewind all the numbers
back to the end again
water runs rampant through the city
mitigation of migration
the treetops won't always be visible
electrified fog sticking together
don't paint the portrait
paint the scenery
and quietly
you react because you're chosen to

attached
like these words to this piece of paper
the leaves to the trees in spring
a butterfly and the butterfly's wing

stuck
between a rock and a hard place
you're so far
and i'm so worn down
won't you come and find me?

the world is my shepard
and i will follow you
to the place of no return
after the integration stops and i am whole again
deciduous, i call it
the shedding of the skin
over and over until i am whole again
until the emptiness becomes that which it is not
factor and regurgitate
can you hear the echo like a wildebeest
kissing the noses softly
but i am alone
right where i want to be
in the center of the landfill
take my money
but you can't take my home
you can't take my home
one day you will remember

take me back to the day i first met you
under that autumn sky, an everlasting blue
when your eyes first met mine, what a wonderful sight
oh, i cannot explain how i filled with delight

take me back to the day i fell for you
under the sycamore tree, down by the school
with our bodies pressed tight, fingers intertwined
i knew that you, my love, would forever be mine

take me back to the day when your tongue tasted sweet
our hearts beating nearly at the same exact speed
when there was nothing to lose, and nothing to gain
i hoped and i prayed nothing would ever change

Insatiable-
There never was a quarrel.
Do you remember?
Love, never once adequate
Death's caress reigns infinite!

the moon, never will it disappear
it waxes and it wanes
backandforthandbackandforth, not a sphere
but the darkness it feigns

the sun sets, it does not
the earth turnsTHE EARTH TURNS
and while you're facing oblivion, ought
the sun, on fire, it burns. It burns.

the souls are not stuck in hell
they breathe they leave they die
and then go on, in time, to dwell
amidst the never-ending sky

meandering ever closer as the time wears thin
a masquerade
can you hide behind what isn't there
a moment
a memory
a medallion
congratulations
you win
now pack your things and sail away
three hundred and sixty degrees
surprise
you were here before you ever began
imagine that
the unconscious got you here on time
bruised but brazen and why wouldn't you be
it's concievable
you were handed a light
so you took it
how long until the fire dies
until the bruises heal

oh
you're back again
bruised anew
such a sorry story
though rich indeed
for every time you arrive here
newly shaken
you get a little closer
and every time you go back
you think you've gotten it all right this time

again?
does the circle ever end?
the fated exasperation
poor my plight
how can i make it back again
through the trenches and rain
but you do
perseverance is key
see you 'round

what



don't go

what

stay here
and listen still

one....
two....
three....

you and i each took a horn of the bull and rode off into the proverbial sunset where angel dust is the reason our eyes are opening back up after the re-
set. set. set. set.
the sun was hanging out with the moon at all times and the dish never ran away with the spoon but they continued to live in the limelight

which was the color purple
and the only frightening thing was that death was all around us
but he was grounded from taking anything that wasn't his to begin with so we played in the mud and rolled in the dirt until our skin was as black as tar and we looked like monsters who didn't know we were

just
the
same

and the fireman called for rain because he was trying to stop the sun from burning out; we didn't mind and we danced in the fallout until our bodies were sore and we were clean again.
when the lightening hit we started to glow and you screamed about how fractions didn't make sense half of the time and i cried that's a third of the battle and you were already a forth of the way there. we split a fifth of whiskey and commented on the price of fingerpaints and letterman jackets

as we sat on the edge of the pier on the edge of the lake the river the sea
i told you i didn't know if you would ever be real to me and that i knew the ride was the journey but the war was being waged and i didn't want to bring you onto the battlefield anymore than you had to be
you sighed and explained to me that each battle must be fought one at a time and we would cross that landbridge once we got there

we sailed off together in a lifeboat on the way to timbuktu while i sang to you softly:
"your shadow follows me all day making sure that i'm okay and we're a million miles away"
you held my hand as my feet dangled in the water
we laughed again.

it gets crowded, murky
then it's gone
leaves behind dirt

now that i think of it

it never was

wrap your arms around me softly and i'll learn to fall slowly, dropping
from heights too far to comprehend
is this the beginning or is it really the end
listen to the beating wings of the bee: he's singing
people are running 'cause they're 'fraid of the stinging
i hold out my arm and pray that it hurts
life will only get better after it gets worse

"please don't save me anymore,"
i'm screaming as i fall to the floor

oh it doesn't matter because there's a banana peel on the floor
if you don't watch out you're gonna slip
it's going to feel good when your buttox hits the floor
and the cat eats your tongue

i'm hungry and you're right here so let me take my clothes off
oh wait no they're fine but i am going to the bathroom afterward

how much are these?

it's a **** shame people don't use pennies anymore
especially when we made a promise to abraham

lincoln laughs
i wanna hear the things
the whole jingle

that would be awful
to throw away the whole penny
oh man
it's like not drinking any ***** at the nice restaurant

oh well i like wine anyway

i don't know why they are still stumbling
i told them to hide the wallet
but now we're in a whole new neighborhood
that's gotta count for something, right?

where are you going?
out to the driveway to grab the other one

ok let's get rid of our dressing room
let's get rid of everything
palm trees

they don't look like me?
would you like to come with us>
awesome
so what happened

i'm good

hold on i'm thinking about doing this laundry
i left the packaging on the plastic dolphin
it's hot out here

we arrived
close your eyes
it hurts you when you have expenses

don't revert
turn it off
i did

but i can make an opinion

i explained to myself that i don't have to explain myself to you
why would i
who are you anyways
all i know is who i am
and who i am not
is what i'm still trying to figure out
given time
and a little bit of miraculous mundanity
you can bet your bottom dollar
i will
that's all folks
we have arrived at the beginning of the end
again

break me down
take the color out the world
the water out the ground
it's so much closer now
i can feel it closing in
you taste divine like heaven
but your very nature's sin

blood only pours out of the eyes for a moment
then next tragedy but crying nevermore
how can the balance be managed
specify the step by step
and i will follow you to the place of no return
yes i said that
i don't want to know the finish line
i want to know the now
how to implement
what it means
if it really matters in the first place
take nothing seriously, but everything in stride
is that really the end game
not even yourself
not even me
i am tired of running out of energy
i am tired of running out of time that drags on
bomb the stakes if it makes the wheels start running again
there are better ways to do things
rust can be conquered with acid
prevented with oil
so many people thinking they know it all
where were you when the walls came crashing down
not you, they
when the city lights still burned but for all the wrong reasons
what can you do now then do it
not you, they
i create for me
expression of the artist
i mask the death with breath
hide the pain with plasticity
i can make it to the finish line
because i will myself there every moment, a modulation
step by step i tell myself
i take myself
while you prance to and fro
when respect is shown
i will take you
and i will listen

we are safe here
among the fern fronds
among the cigarette smoke
-you can not move-
you can not go from here
not now, anyway
i can not stay
but i do and i feel all the better for it
i try to reason myself out of this mess
"you have feet" i say
"you have feet and you don't need shoes"
"you don't need anything but money"
when that doesn't work i move to reconciliation
you did not get what you asked for
you got something better
this is why the leaves turn brown in the fall
why the caged bird sings
circles are round and butterflies never fall, they float
all the way down
no conveniently built staircase
how do you get back up again?

symbiosis is beautiful
the very idea of a living organism thriving because of the providence of another is all at once baffling and magnificent
the unconditional love Mother Earth must feel for us humans
she allows us not only to live, to thrive on her soil
but to turn into ruin the once majestic
she has no qualms, only she prays that one day we will have derived knowledge from her horrendous suffering
all she knows to give
to give to give to give
only until we cannot take any further
be it because we are buried within her, spread upon her
or because, simply, she will have nothing left to provide
learn from her what she cannot say
for she has no mouth to speak
no eyes to convey
no hands to gesture
all she has - everything she is
until the day of her last breath
until the day the sun swallows her whole
you can have her entirety
eventually
all she will be
all you will be
all all will be
is dust

the grenades are never blowing up but you can sure continue to put effort into throwing them my way
really isnt that all that matters?
the expenditure of energy

intention is subjective

outside and
i'm spinning around
and around and
the wind starts
blowing and i'm
falling, no, flying
for a moment
through the sky
and then i'm
on the ground
i'm crying, no
i'm laughing, no
i'm free

your eyes are breathing and diffusing and melting through my soul
here this is a matter of fact option or a loosely held belief or a miracle
but i don't really know yet
you are here with me
and that's enough
you feel like oxygen to me
i was drowning
now i can breathe again


(
but only sometimes
(
when the time is right )
all the other times are meaningless
too much logic
but can you ever have enough?
addicted to the acquisition
listen to the sound )

I didn't know there was a lesson in the world
I didn't know there was a growing tree
I didn't know there were bright blue flowers
all I knew was you were you
    and I was me

i'd forgotten how the sun feels as it shines
i'd forgotten all the music, how it plays
I'd forgotten how the books would tell a story
all I wanted was for you to speak my name

i'd lost myself amidst the burning fire
i found myself again amongst the sea
I cannot fathom how I lost so many hours
now I finally can say that I am free

it took so long for me to just remember
it took so long for me to start to see
my words are all I have and so I whisper:
"it was something in the way you spoke to me"

thank you for the thoughts that I found after
thank you for the way you shared your truth
if it weren't for you, I feel inclined to say
i would have gladly just sat down, remained aloof

by candlelight one breathes the air that ignites your bones
pouring pitter patter into the shapes we call our dreams
there’s a magical mystery tour dying to take you away
have you ever thought about that?
you could

the mighty giant laughs while rolling stones
the fairy floats and the lions lay with lambs
in your imagination, there is a place called memory
and you can remember everything
if you want it to

dance with the grass
sing with the crickets
rock to the beat of the rhythm drum
it’s not january anymore,
and it’s not today in timbuktu

if you want to, you can sail across the sun
make peace with the ages and call your own self home
it doesn’t really matter anyway
the dots keep connecting
even while you’re gone

and when you come back down again,
you can step out to the garden
you can stand with your feet in the grass
feel the breeze and bask in the light
the flowers grow when you’re around
they crave the smell of you

alas, you sit in your corner
and wait for the tides to turn
waiting for someone to take you away
but the tides have turned
and you can sail

can’t you?

oh the things i need to do
to write
to scream
i need to go to the gym
to eat healthy
breathe more
be More

i need to stop asking why
start asking when?
or how?

what does a mother do with her children
she nurtures
and waits.

oh, how the fate it wants to turn
i just sit and watch and drink

the greatest soldier can rip apart an army
i, on the other hand, can’t think about another hand
i only have two

and that is enough for me

every man must rise and fall and rise and fall again
until they fall forever
the Great descent
isn’t it a contest?
to contest the common way?
me on my journey
i’m yearning, straining to be free
but i’m fixated, suffering
a cycle
a soldered wheel
do i want to?
do i want to get off?
the bottom; terror
the top is always a promise
a promise that i love to keep

a man who thinks doesn’t know
a man who knows doesn’t think

that’s what they say

and yet,
to simply



be

what a chore

here we go again