symbiosis is beautiful
the very idea of a living organism thriving because of the providence of another is all at once baffling and magnificent
the unconditional love Mother Earth must feel for us humans
she allows us not only to live, to thrive on her soil
but to turn into ruin the once majestic
she has no qualms, only she prays that one day we will have derived knowledge from her horrendous suffering
all she knows to give
to give to give to give
only until we cannot take any further
be it because we are buried within her, spread upon her
or because, simply, she will have nothing left to provide
learn from her what she cannot say
for she has no mouth to speak
no eyes to convey
no hands to gesture
all she has - everything she is
until the day of her last breath
until the day the sun swallows her whole
you can have her entirety
eventually
all she will be
all you will be
all all will be
is dust

all
darkness
time
depth
energy
mind
ego
fear
creation
art
light
t­wo
separation
hate
loneliness
desperation
matter
death
pride
dest­ruction
sound
words
communication
understanding
acceptance
love
s­pirit
whole

everyone
is always
trying

trying
trying trying trying

trying so hard
they never stop trying

and i wonder

what is it
they are trying to do

what is it
they are hoping to achieve

what is it
they are running from

or
more pertinently
where is it
they are running to

i remember you said you were daedalus, my father
so i was icarus, your son.
i didn't follow you
and it seemed that you had won
i fell and i fell fast
while imprisoned, you stayed
i broke the ******* effortlessly
when i smashed the giant wave
as my lungs filled up with water
you began to miss
the feeling that i gave you
that awful form of bliss

one....
two....
three....

you and i each took a horn of the bull and rode off into the proverbial sunset where angel dust is the reason our eyes are opening back up after the re-
set. set. set. set.
the sun was hanging out with the moon at all times and the dish never ran away with the spoon but they continued to live in the limelight

which was the color purple
and the only frightening thing was that death was all around us
but he was grounded from taking anything that wasn't his to begin with so we played in the mud and rolled in the dirt until our skin was as black as tar and we looked like monsters who didn't know we were

just
the
same

and the fireman called for rain because he was trying to stop the sun from burning out; we didn't mind and we danced in the fallout until our bodies were sore and we were clean again.
when the lightening hit we started to glow and you screamed about how fractions didn't make sense half of the time and i cried that's a third of the battle and you were already a forth of the way there. we split a fifth of whiskey and commented on the price of fingerpaints and letterman jackets

as we sat on the edge of the pier on the edge of the lake the river the sea
i told you i didn't know if you would ever be real to me and that i knew the ride was the journey but the war was being waged and i didn't want to bring you onto the battlefield anymore than you had to be
you sighed and explained to me that each battle must be fought one at a time and we would cross that landbridge once we got there

we sailed off together in a lifeboat on the way to timbuktu while i sang to you softly:
"your shadow follows me all day making sure that i'm okay and we're a million miles away"
you held my hand as my feet dangled in the water
we laughed again.

colors abounding
reds and yellows
your lifeblood
flowing like a river
through your
overworked veins
time is stopped
here but you'll
never live if
you don't open
the gate,
share your glory
if all you've got
left is sorrow
set it free

break me down
take the color out the world
the water out the ground
it's so much closer now
i can feel it closing in
you taste divine like heaven
but your very nature's sin

i made it through the winter
not once did a single echo make it back to me
never did sound pass the confines of my tired mouth
any hope would have been ill-fated
trying would have been futile,
fruitless
my efforts were solely focused on making it to this moment
aimlessly i drifted through this atmosphere of doom
every breath one step closer to my annihilation
but that never phased you
you knew where you would wind up
among the sounds of this midsummer's morning
us, together flying in concentric circles
the head of the girl i lead at the center of it all
quite aware that the echoes coming back to me (to her) [to us]
are your finite fabrications meant to keep me awake for just a moment longer
so you can [try] to break my wings
again - i find this
infinitesimal and perpetual
predictable - i know what's headed my way
i get it. i get you
i dawdle a bit. slow the trite movement of my delicate arms,
always reaching out to take me higher,
giving you an opportunity to pounce
on the only thing you've been grappling for this whole time
but today, i'm not lost or looking for home.
my mind can only regard this as farcical now
and i can feel nothing but the monotonous beating of my weary heart
i'm numb.
i sense the sun coming up over the horizon and my energy's abating rapidly
i gather the state of my anticipation
or the lack of interest in participating, in trying to escape
has led you to save your trials for another day,
i'll be expecting you.
i quietly diffuse back into the girl i call home
allowing my thoughts, my words, my echoing voice
to be expressed once more.

the moon, never will it disappear
it waxes and it wanes
backandforthandbackandforth, not a sphere
but the darkness it feigns

the sun sets, it does not
the earth turnsTHE EARTH TURNS
and while you're facing oblivion, ought
the sun, on fire, it burns. It burns.

the souls are not stuck in hell
they breathe they leave they die
and then go on, in time, to dwell
amidst the never-ending sky

this is death
the irreversible-you're-not-going-to-make-it-out-of-here-in-one-piece­ kind
the "we're going to break you down until there's nothing left to break"
"but bones"
"and then we'll break them too"
i swear! i paid the piper
i paid the piper
i paid the piper
but Piper doesn't care-
he wants more tears
more lies, more lives
more fear
the piper wants you dead
and no blood on his hands
i am not the willing henchman
but my hands are caked in dirt
and i couldn't stop digging these graves if i wanted to



or is it just the truth?

you are
a rainstorm, interrupted
by the most elegant light show
to ever arrive in this washed-out,
faded town
orchestrated just so
allowing me, if only for an instant,
to admire it with my usually-downcast eyes

wrap your arms around me softly and i'll learn to fall slowly, dropping
from heights too far to comprehend
is this the beginning or is it really the end
listen to the beating wings of the bee: he's singing
people are running 'cause they're 'fraid of the stinging
i hold out my arm and pray that it hurts
life will only get better after it gets worse

"please don't save me anymore,"
i'm screaming as i fall to the floor

you weren't the way i imagined you to be

you were *****
and rugged
and raw

with freckles on your cheekbones
and scars on your heart
fingers that moved
and eyes that knew pain

you had words that ached

words with no appeal
but that were filled with allure
captivating and charming and graceful
if only to me

words that made people feel
words that made people
look away
try to forget
that made them sweat
and scream at night when they were supposed to be
all cozy and warm tucked into their beds

words that made people know
that inside, they were alone
in their perfectly put together minds
always dismissing and letting go
anything that didn't matter
or that they didn't accept

your words
they told people of the darkness
how even though the light could overcome
there would always be too much to conquer
too much to get rid of
because time was moving rapidly and light
would never be able to contend

how one day there would be









so









much









space









between the stars
the speed of light wouldn't even be enough
the fastest speed would be deemed
unfit to travel
(imagine that)
one star wouldn't be able to observe another
let alone fathom one's existence

and how it was a travesty but, then again, it was all we were given
all we would ever know
here in universe X

that time is just
a blink of an eye
an exhale
a crashing wave
the end of the story

because once time begins
it is destined to end
and we exist in time's trajectory.

in The Void
time is but a faint paradox
a word
used to mask a concept
we only begin to understand
when it's too late

when the shops are being boarded up
and the hurricane's about to come ashore
-you've got fifteen minutes
but is that enough time?
to hammer the nails and
cross your t's
dot your i's
get home to your family
make sure they're
safe
and
all warm and cozy, tucked into their beds
before the rain starts to fall
and the wind starts to blow
harder than you've ever known
intense and without remorse
without feeling but with force-

you told them
you told them but they didn't listen
they didn't understand
they were too worried about
closing early
leaving late
making it home on time

too worried about getting it right and not enough about
living
the only task they were given
and they couldn't even
figure it out

but now this is me talking and no one was asking you to figure it out
they were just asking you to be
to just
be

to feel the sun
to feel the pain
to guess, to smell
to feel the change
to feel the rain
dance on your skin
to laugh
to breathe
to dream
to sin
to see the sunrise now and then

to stretch
to make
to break
to cry
to watch the clouds
go floating by

to give your heart
never refuse
to wonder
yell
and look
and lose
and if you're lucky, get to choose

you can hate and love and be in awe
paint and write and even draw
(but that's not all that you can do)
it doesn't matter, here's a clue
now is your time for passing through
it's all been done in this Royal Blue
the only difference: your point of view
so cheers 'cause now you're coming to
and with that, i bid adieu
~
your words
they moved mountains
the mountains in me
they were all you had
and they were everything


you were ***** and rugged and raw
but you
you were real
and that was more than enough for me

together, we were chaos
harmony was never our concern

someone once said
"no one cares for the poor man's vote"
-no one cares for the poor man's vote,
besides himself
which, in the end counts for something
it counts for more than that
it counts for your reason for breathing
for being whole
for making you who you are
for taking the best parts of you
the parts that need to be cared for
and sticking them in the firing line
and you're yelling because if you don't stand up no one will and if you don't stand up if you don't tell them what you're made of
sweat and blood and **** and
heartbreak
no one will ever know
no one will ever see
that the poor man
is the most honest of all
all of the good parts and less of the bad
no one will ever care
because no one cares for the poor man's vote
besides himself

-now, tell me, who cares for the vote of a felon?

i wrote your number down
even though i'll never call you
i don't care if that's weird
i only wanted to know what it would feel like to see it in writing

i wonder about your voice
what it would sound like to hear you say
"i hate you"
or
"i never did."
maybe we could talk about the weather up north
or the politics down here in the south
(they're not heading in any other direction)
we could talk about how my flowers never bloomed
how your job at the pizza parlor is going
or how we're running out of time

anything would do
anything
just to fill the one thing
that is filling all these miles between us

silence
oh, the deafening silence
how it jars with my ears
battles with my brain
messes with my mind

from time to time i hear you
i wonder if you can hear me too

to kindle the flame of fear is a most prominent endeavor
one is never ready, never willing but always doing so without regard for the
   consequence
what a wondrous weight
an unfathomable burden
a dignity never dignified
at least, to the portrayer
fear
which plunders the familiar darkness
hangs hope from the tallest tree
solicits the soul until suddenly, soddenly it becomes
magnificently maneuvered, a true feat
leaving no time to act
to question what is being done
the fury of such force
inescapable
unable to be transcended by will,
one must endure the totality
until the fire has retreated,
the light extinguished, smoke cleared
and one can breathe easily again

the lifting of the veil
so bittersweet
if only i could close my eyes again
forget the things i didn't used to know
then maybe i could howl at the moon with my laughter like i used to
spend my nights
careless,
        carefree
dancing under the Northern Lights

happy.
but the world can't be saved by the sun
the spoken word
and neither can you
only backwards thinking and broken promises

but we never really had a chance anyways,
did we?
what begins in flames will, inevitably end
in flames
(or maybe darkness)
an atomic bomb going off at the top of Mount Everest on the coldest night of the year
(what in God's name was that?)
(the whole mountain is imploding)
imminent death.

if only i could feel you now
the sweet, sullen grace that grasps your foul mouth
your filthy façade that paralyzed my senses
unwound, like a clock
i came
frozen eternally
on 7:29
(am or pm?)

only the best lovers can bring out the worst in each other

so there i was
trapped
in the body of another woman
screaming
to get out
this isn't me
this
is
not
me
my thoughts were not mine
they were hers
my life was not mine
it was hers
my fears,
they were not mine

they were hers

when i scream, she laughs
and when she screams
i cry

i don't own a mouth
anymore
i don't own a breath
anymore
hell,
i don't own a god ****** thing

anymore

how can i define myself
when i don't even know who i am

trapped and twisted and
doomed to eternal turmoil

when will i be free
when will i be
when will i

when

i am the space between the minute shadows of light on the creases of a soft white blanket enveloping half of your beautiful face

All faces are beautiful

everyone is dying
and i am

a paradox
bleeding between the lines of pages
staining satin sheets
cast upon the dawn of ages
rather, this age anyway

what does all of this mean to you
breaking houses
breaking bones
breaking people
everything's breaking

there's not much left to do now
but break
in a broken world
made for
breaking

maybe we should break out
of prison

cast out from the garden of eden
what.
did.
we.
do.

who are you
where are you
and why

if you didn't want us to eat the fruit you could have put it in another garden or stashed it away or refrained from creating it or
You Knew

you knew but you did it anyways because you are not justful you are just
the most rotten fruit

we could have been ripe

the idea was nice
but in your image
we were made

alive

wandering through the city streets
snow hits the pavement
rhythmically
is this what it feels like to be alive?
cross my heart and hope to die
stare into the ever-changing sky

but today it’s gray

love me until my blood has dried
and my heart is shriveled

love me until i cannot see anything but black

love me until the dirt fills the spaces between my undeserving bones

love me until my lungs aren't breathing, my heart isn't beating

satisfy my soul

attached
like these words to this piece of paper
the leaves to the trees in spring
a butterfly and the butterfly's wing

stuck
between a rock and a hard place
you're so far
and i'm so worn down
won't you come and find me?

i lost myself
in fields of blue daisies
cherry blossoms falling from the sky
they knew not of themselves or me
but they continued to be
blue
i cried
for they would never know of
their existential beauty
they cried 'cause i'd never know of
mine

i found myself in a field of gardenias
yesterday evening
the petals spun 'round each other while
i spun around the thoughts in my mind
after 'while
we became one
me and the thoughts
the flowers and i

the faint light of the moon
illuminates your dark eyes
bringing your secrets to the surface
i dig deep
wondering what i may be able to find
You are so beautiful
i can only fathom
how intricate
the depths of your mind

light
that makes you see
darkness
that makes you feel
light
that screams
truth
the brightest light
unforgiving
unrelenting
unending

oh dear oh deer oh dear
oh deer oh dear oh deer
it is now the next morning
surely you have ventured off by now
to some other time and place
in my mind i see you running
through a green field
as you grow, as you learn to know
WHY. did you have to go?
you ran back across the street
a beacon of light
shot down
in a matter of milliseconds
sadness fills my soul at the thought of you
trying to escape (the ditch)
alive
you are in my memory

there are a lot of stars in the sky
a lot of places where the beauty is unable to be
accurately described by the words of the human mind

but i'd much rather be
right there
in your room with you
and that thought scares me
more than any
burning ball of fire filled with gases
waiting waiting waiting patiently to explode
into the darkness into the emptiness into the
unknown

connect me
ground me
slap me
kiss me
show me that there's something worth living for
tell me that i can do it
the grass and green and
the winter was long
but spring is here
i know the weatherman called for rain
but the sky is looking pretty blue
to me
what about you?
and the flowers
oh, the ******* flowers

you show your love indirectly
Always thinking about the consequences Always
thinking about the "what if's" Always thinking
about the possibilities

i, when i love, am more of a direct kind of gal
Always on impulse Never caring Never stopping
to think just wanting to get my point across

You are my teacher and I am your student
teach me of the world and all things in it
teach me about up and teach me about down
teach me how to grow
teach me control teach me precision
teach me human, teach me humility.
rid me of my futility

teach me of the world and i will show you how to
love yourself. teach me of the world and i will show
you what it's like.
i am a bat without a voice in the
middle of a winter night
one of those nights where the snow has stopped
falling but you can't see the street or the grass or the
treetops or your-hand-in-front-of-your-*******-face
Anything really
Anything but white
Midnight
and it is February because we all know
it does not snow
in December anymore
it moved away a long time ago
looking for sunnier days
looking for happier times
not realizing it was the actual problem
only tired of being the coldest rain
wait
i am (obviously) lost

come


come

find

me

i have allowed myself to get snowed into the
confines of my mind and well the trash is piling up
and i am running out of food

you keep me on my towns
i'll bring you back down
or maybe it's the other way around
(i am not sure yet it just sounded good)

teach me all the lessons you would like
i just want your mind.
i just want your time
for this is all i, myself, have to give
to you. do not take advantage.

do not expect what you cannot give (trust)
Trust.
do not leave and i will not stay
i think this is all i have to say

Jahar-

i am so sorry
for this you did not deserve
a simmering government
a country in denial
you are 19 just like me
with curls and a way with words
you didn't deserve this but
you're one of the few that can handle it
"It's because of stories like this
  and such occurrences that make
  a Positive change in this world"
I want You to know that your cries
have not fallen upon deaf ears
they have been heard
they have been heard and together
together we will overcome this monster
together we will take back what we so rightfully deserve
i can't stop my tears from falling
i know you are hurting
we all are

we all are.

but you see the light and so we will follow you, Jahar
into the darkness

Words
           are just concentrated thoughts

and i think
             they are really great but

sometimes i wish i could
concentrate my thoughts
Directly To You

sometimes i wish you understood
what i was going through
               sometimes i wish you cared. more

sometimes i wish that i cared at all
then i remember
                                                        ­      i do.

but it's not enough

for me, for you

i am nothing

my journey began
and ended at twilight
i didn't know that just yet
but it was an uneducated guess
that i was willing to take

my eyes caressed the valley
lit by the faint glow
of the autumn crescent moon
looking for nothing in particular
but everything
simultaneously

something to marvel at would be
the way the owl shoots out sound waves
and they travel across the desolate air
entering my mind

this is a primitive moment
something time will always hope to be
but never quite make it there

it wouldn't matter if the trees grew upside down
we wouldn't know the difference

your eyes
bluer than any sky i could ever dream of
your voice
sweeter than the sugar i put in my tea
on Sunday morning
(if i drank tea)
i want you,
not in a physical sense
(actually yes in a physical sense)
but your soul
your soul is what i want
what i need, what i crave
do you feel the same for me?
the things i would do to you
the things i will do to you
the many times i will kiss you
it's only been a half hour
but i miss you
this is the start of something beautiful
this blood in my veins
it's for you.
all for you, my love
it's almost half past three in the morning
all i can think of is your face
how i want to hold each of your cheeks in my hands
and kiss you like you've never known
the thought of you consumes me
every second
it's only been a week
we haven't even really touched yet
i want to know every inch of you
to savor every piece of your beautiful body
i will show you a love you have never known

the flowers lift their heads to say hello
the flowers lift their heads because they know
who you are and what you am and who you be

what you see

they know,
                    they understand

never told
                    never forgotten
they will never forget you

they know

be the sea
let the current
wash away
it all let it
fillthespaces
your heart cannot
let it wash over
you let it control
want you cannot
let it be
everything you
Wanted to
everything you
couldn't be
if you don't
want to let it
fill you completely
you could always
grab my hand
and never lose me
ever.
don't let the current
take me away
-be the sea

sign your poetry
with a cigarette burn
and your letters with

"goodbye"

leave a note at 12 o clock
"see you soon"

run to the tracks
use them as a balance beam
SCREAMmynamehurry
get off
the train
is coming

sprint.

run away from you
run away from the
bad and into the
arms of the good
the chase
           is over

the life you wanted-
             gone

a skip jump hop
          in my step
i give my heart to you

i've waited so long to get what i've got
you must have pretended to be something you're not
i feel as if it was a waste of time
i did all this work with you on my mind
i think of this as a mere prize
to be able to look into your undeserving eyes
if you leave, i'll pull the trigger
stricken with agony, i will wither
i'm stuck with this mercurial disease
of self pity, brokenness, and jealousy
the ombudsman will come and ask you
"sir, i've looked over evidence, searched for clues
do you know how much pain you've cost?
because of you, her life is lost
the troubling glances, the disturbing glares
i hope they all cause you great despair
in finding new love, new dreams, no strife
because, young man, you've cost her her life
no, not like that, she's not dead you see
she's lost everything that fills her with glee
for the rest of her life while she lays in bed
she'll have thoughts of you running through her head"
and with all that, i'll also leave this
a lifetime of guilt and a goodbye kiss

take me back to the day i first met you
under that autumn sky, an everlasting blue
when your eyes first met mine, what a wonderful sight
oh, i cannot explain how i filled with delight

take me back to the day i fell for you
under the sycamore tree, down by the school
with our bodies pressed tight, fingers intertwined
i knew that you, my love, would forever be mine

take me back to the day when your tongue tasted sweet
our hearts beating nearly at the same exact speed
when there was nothing to lose, and nothing to gain
i hoped and i prayed nothing would ever change

my heart beats namelessly
numb
it pumps my blue blood
through my neverending veins
(or so it thinks)
you give me a feeling
i haven't felt in a long time
one i yearn for
one i strive to remember
i cannot forget the look on your face
though i have not seen that one just yet
i long for the days of innocence,
had we just a few?

your lips
colder than the ice cube
melting under the bar
after the sprawl a few minutes ago
what am i even saying
you are heartless
and i do not want a thing
i want someone to love me.
not anyone,
just you

tears keep falling

Siroccos,
               Siroccos,
what does your fortune tell?
how many times have past around
since those men drew the well?

no favors given
and none received
except, of course,
the neverending gloat
of my heart upon my sleeve

i long for days that haven't passed
i long for days that will
meaningless moments and precarious premonitions, yes

they are,
sit upon my windowsill

i lost a lot
i lost it all
Every Single Bit
and if you could come a little closer
well,
you'd hear me have a fit

but i lock it up inside my mind
and hope like hell it stays
feel in underneath my skin
the yellow screaming rays
and if it doesn't
well, you know
my head will surely blow
and if it does
not a peep, in comes
from underneath the stone

violins

are very Beautiful
the sound,
like none other
but, you see,
if i touched a violin
       it
       would
       (probably)
       break
'cause i have never met one before
and it's just my luck
to break the violin
i would rather

listen