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alavandala Apr 2016
pressure filling up my lungs
diffusing through my capillaries
and into my blood

take me where i need to go
on your best behavior
always following the path of diffusion
least resistance effortless grace destiny

lowest to highest
and we do it all over again
alavandala Apr 2016
your eyes are breathing and diffusing and melting through my soul
here this is a matter of fact option or a loosely held belief or a miracle
but i don't really know yet
you are here with me
and that's enough
you feel like oxygen to me
i was drowning
now i can breathe again


(
but only sometimes
(
when the time is right )
all the other times are meaningless
too much logic
but can you ever have enough?
addicted to the acquisition
listen to the sound )
alavandala Apr 2016
first thing we need to understand here
what is this so called good life
and how do you get one
well you don't because that doesn't exist
but then you get this positive outlook and it says
"hey this is a good life"
so you keep it around for awhile
but is that outlook even logical?
there is no such thing as good
so it's all a bunch of rotten bologna
autopilot is driving
but it can't see anything
it's just taking me
so i'm in the car
going
fine
but i don't want to have a good life
i want to live
alavandala Apr 2016
we are safe here
among the fern fronds
among the cigarette smoke
-you can not move-
you can not go from here
not now, anyway
i can not stay
but i do and i feel all the better for it
i try to reason myself out of this mess
"you have feet" i say
"you have feet and you don't need shoes"
"you don't need anything but money"
when that doesn't work i move to reconciliation
you did not get what you asked for
you got something better
this is why the leaves turn brown in the fall
why the caged bird sings
circles are round and butterflies never fall, they float
all the way down
no conveniently built staircase
how do you get back up again?
alavandala Apr 2016
the wind blows you into me
for the first time in so long
i remember what it feels like to be close to your body
"i am here with the stars and you"
we are all here together

you look me in the face and i can feel your fire within me
this is good
better than i imagined
but still i hesitate
uncertain futures and all that
but for now it feels alright
i am breathing again with you
here in the moment
and i like it more than i should
more than i want to
i can't wait to feel your real touch
the kind that wraps around my body and turns me into a butterfly
i want to fly
you do too
i can see it in your eyes
in your lips
in your words
don't kiss me goodnight yet
you are what i've been waiting for
tomorrow we begin
alavandala Feb 2016
now i know why
i couldn't understand you
takes more work
to understand what you are
less to understand what isn't
hello again
undeniable failure
we meet again to carry on
fix the cricks and cracks and make something out of it
this is what the helix looks like in motion
personification they call it i call it incarnation
always the same old loop
only up and up into higher dimensions
wheel of samsara
we will ever get out
forever
and we never stay still
something to be said here
i knew it would all come together
it always does
<<<(((>>>))) vector valued functions
and cosine waves and choreography
representation of me in dimension 1
here you go
you get what you came for
you get what you paid for
circular motion
we ride the waves over and over and over again
most everyone i know is stuck in some kind of frozen time clock
~sometimes it's easier to let it all run together~
sometimes you see them and they see you but you can't ever reach across
i want to give you this, give you that but the great divide is too large i've found
you've got to jump on your own
then the moving ones are either moving too fast or too slow and so you ride along alone on your little boat and take it all in
at the finish line none of it matters anyways
but if you insist on being first, be my guest
have all the blue ribbons
i'll take the red
can you ever really stop once the motion starts?
i don't want to anyway
sometimes i feel like i'm never going anywhere then i check
woah - way down stream
an object in motion:
where you're going
every action:
where you end up
i am not combustible
i am combustion
alavandala Feb 2016
the clothes hang down like they're tryna reach the floor
but no they can't, no they can't anymore

the spots hang around, they aint never cleaned
they just go, yeah they just go unseen

it's that time of the day of the month of the year
we pack up our things and we head to the pier
there aint nothing left to say or to do or to feel
we ate our belongings, we had our last meal

and it was good but it wasn't too great
the school bus was coming but it came on too late
and that's what they call rendezvousing with fate

that's what they call eating shrimp from a bucket
there's dirt on the floor in middle Nantucket

but there aint never a good way to say goodbye
there are planets in the heavens and bats in the sky

the lights were on but we're turning them off
we're taking our things and watching them scoff

there's land and there's earth and there's sea and there's sky
but there aint never, no there aint never a good way to say goodbye

so we don't
and we won't
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