Alan Maguire

Alan Maguire Feb 2013

what about food for thought and food for your belly, how about some raspberry jelly, or jelly fish that come from tropical seas, captured by the Japanese and are ten feet in diameter, not the Japanese but the gloopy seas creature .

That are kinda pink or red but taste really good and go with vanilla ice cream but be careful with these gloopy jellied things , they stings, I mean, they sting , so don't bite or chomp or chew but slice them up with a blade made outta a reinforced steel , but they feel pain and memories and all sorts of things, so they are not just things that are dragged from the depths, for us to poke or **** or ridicule on facebook or youtube

how'd you feel if tomorrow we was invaded by raspberry flavoured jellied creatures that came from the fifth and fourth dimension, did I mention that they're here to abduct us, to **** and poke us with weird instruments, but not musical ones but frightful ones, long ones , ones we've never heard of , but they have heard of us the raspberried creatures that is

from the fourth and fifth and possibly sixth dimension but I forgot to mention it's our own fault , our own frugal fault, that they've come in huge ,hovering , harbingered things, that hover above us without any wings, yes without wings and to these gelatinous, gluttonous things we are just things to be dispatched, devoured and digested within one working week, with one ******* gulp we'd go down their sleek gullets or whatever they have

Alan Maguire Feb 2013

Squeakers

Mom , what's so wrong about being friends with mice

Well junior honey, they're small , they're sneaky and not very nice, they terrify grown ups and they resemble rats, but most of all, because we are cats.we were domesticated by the Pharaohs to keep mice at bay

But mom, my rodent friend is okay

junior , you must despise all mice, they laugh at us when we turn our backs, then toilet in the rice. It's not natural for a mouse to be your friend , think of the message that it would send. Your poor father would be ashamed and the other cats would call us a disgrace, we may even be banished from the feline race.

But the human kids are allowed to keep mice

But junior ,that relationship is fake, those mice are being fattened to feed the pet snake

Okay mom, I promise to hate all mice, I'm sorry squeakers, I hope you taste nice

Alan Maguire Feb 2013

EDEN

She was one of those people who saw the earth, not as an Eden but believed that it worked mechanically and without any emotion. Money didn't make it spin neither , no oil or grease too, but we did, we do, us mortal beings in our mortal cars, houses and lives.

"Politicians are greasy, just here for themselves" she'd often cry out after a few and the world is just a man made sphere, her prison and inevitable tomb But if she were to personify the earth, it wouldn't be a Greek Goddess named Gaia, nor would it be a source of life and fertility. Nope. It would be masculine , would be named Bruce and he'd be impotent.

Alan Maguire Feb 2013

POLAR BEAR POET

I should have said no
But maybe it was fear
Or maybe the fact
that he's a Polar bear

He's got polar bear attitude
with polar bear teeth
And stands ten foot tall
on his polar bear feet

He's the Killer King of the polar bear tribe
And he fully demanded, that I must subscribe

Subscribe to his annual magazine full of poems
edited by his famous brother, Jackson Holmes

Jackson is the one with artistic skill
While King Romero takes pleasure in the ****

He's threatened to devour people,
and haunted their dreams

then fed off of their, blood curdling,
Gruesome screams

But The magazine ain't so bad
And costs just eight bucks
But between you and me
It's written by some imprisoned ducks

Alan Maguire Feb 2013

William Shakespeare

The longest word in the English language
Is also the shortest, stupidest and most solid word.
it was Invented in 1500 and something by a young William Shakespeare
He actually discovered it on the back of a packet of chewin' tobacco.
Somewhere amidst the indigenous ingredients

So , the ****** actually plagiarized
the world's most funkiest,
fearsome word

Claimed it as his own work
Copyrighted it
And made a **** load of money
Made a truck load too
Yes I know, trucks didn't exist in his Era

But ****** did
Male ones
Ugly, uneducated, unnerving ones
Ones from the back alleys of nowhere
who dressed as ladies then as guys
But their disguise was hideously, horrible
I mean, 'ideously 'orrible
No "H's " for those fine, fortunate, fellows
And I will be criticised for my use of the english language
But, that language is a mongrel
A mangy, malnourished mutt, named Fritz

total nonsense that may be true

Alan Maguire Feb 2013

Moppet

She was a treasured cat
She was my cat

One eye blue
One eye green

She was a white cat
She was a deaf cat

And to let her know it was mealtime,
we'd bang on the wooden floor

she was actually the cat of my friend's mother, when she was a kid

Alan Maguire Feb 2013

HONEY

She often called me ***, but she wasn't saying,
that I was a descendant of Atilla's .*** was short for honey, but lemme tell you, I was not her honey and she was not my bee .I wanted to be her honey but she called everybody *** or honey. But I only want to be the only honey and for her to be, the only bee