What do we know but nothing about anything
and everything about nothing
we continually perpetuate the lie
our fathers father told him
and his father before that

the only old religion everyone still prays to
is hate while ignoring
the oldest religions of love
and love is too kind or too caring or too nice
to complain that we never call anymore
except to complain about
the things and people and work we hate
and as soon as we get
a more important distraction we hang up
making hollow promises to call back

we never do until the **** hits the fan
and someone cheated on someone
and someone lied to someone
and someone lost their job
and someone lost their mind
and someone wants to die
and someone went through with it
and now they are dead

love does what it can
and says what we need to hear
but we drift off from the conversation
because we weren't listening in the first place
and we push love aside again

because we hate how much it hurts
and we hate everything about anything
and anything about nothing
and we hate ourselves most of all
but we do our best to deny it
as we paint plastic pill coated smiles on the mirror
and repeat our daily mantra of "I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok.."
as we ignore the tears of our reflection

we don't answer the phone
because we know who's calling
but we're late to church
and an angry god is a hateful god
so we better hurry
and get down on our knees
and kiss his ***
for all the beautiful hatred
we use to keep ourselves apart
from each other
and most importantly
to keep ourselves away from love

Stars swimming in
the endless ocean of the night
Lost songs of infinity
dreaming of a forever
that never never ends
And I wander between
the things I never said
and the smile
I can not forget

Come with me and dream
   of kisses
    that never
     cease
Come with me and love
  with hearts
   that never
     break
Come with me and carve
  our names on
   every passing
    star
Come and
  drift away
   with me
      on a
    forever
   that never
     ends

It's a cold heart that neglects what horror and darkness a person must go through to even think about suicide as an alternative to living, to a mind that has gone numb from the terror of drawing in another breath, to eyes that have gone blind to things that were once beautiful, to a person who has been gripped so tight by depression that the silence of being crushed under the weight of the earth is the last sound they want to hear.
Living can be hard, for anyone, no one is free from suffering, illness, death, we all have our battles, both private, public, family, etc... and at the end of the day in that moment between sleep and dream, all of of us are alone.  Alone with our demons and thoughts and prayers and despair, some more aware and some more blissfully not so.  The world is a scary ******* place right now, there is a **** load of bad things happening every moment of every ******* day.  It's not the devil running around **** *** naked spraying his jizzum of evil down upon our heads but it's the evil of mans own invention and indifference to each other.  We should be moving forward as a species and a community and a world... together.  And yet, somehow, with all our fancy tech and intellect and possibilities... we're not.  I'm not going to lie... daily headlines and newscast make me somewhat envious of those who found themselves able to pay the price for the luxury of suicide.  I mean, ******* come on... how can you not think every now and then... **** THIS PLACE!... it's truely a **** hole at times, people can be ******* horrible and are ******* horrible far too often.  Human misery spreads like cancer and the masses eat it up like it's a candy necklace wrapped around some ancient deities **** causing poisonous sugar to rush through their blood to fuel an ideology of hate so old no one could tell you when or how it started.  And the saddest part, sitting on the couch being ignored like a nerdy kid back in the 80's, is love...  and no one wants to sit by it and get cooties.  No, we're all to cool for that.  It's all about pretending to have good intentions and insta-gratification and self-degradation and hey hey hey look at me me me first and gimme gimme gimme...
This isn't everyone, and the world isn't absolutely beyond hope... but you would have a hard time arguing that the shadows aren't overpowering what little beauty there is left.
And that's hard knowledge to live with...
Then add on top of that, private and personal struggles no one else is aware of, or worse shrugs off or dismisses as nothing serious.  The signs aren't always easy to read... speaking from personal experience, it is far to easy to carry a lot of weight and fear and self loathing while wearing a plastic smile in public.   Some things seem too personal or embarrassing or what the **** ever to share sometimes and its just easier to say "I'm ok" than try to explain how terrible and dark and alone our hearts feel and our thoughts get.  It's real easy for the whole world to feel empty when that moment we experience between sleep and dream follows us through ever waking moment.   And it's easy to be mad and ****** and heartbroken when we read the word "suicide" in yet another headline... but what's harder is to imagine what that person must have been going through in that last moment between life and death.  It's harder to be human and feel compassion and empathy towards the departed, it's hard to walk up to the nerdy kid called love sitting on the couch and say, "****, I'm sorry I neglected you and ignored you"... but it's going to be harder and harder to read that headline over and over again.  So, for anyone, anyone at all, the couch love is sitting on is pretty ******* big and its nice and warm and cushy, so if your world feels empty, come sit down, we can talk, we can cry, we can just shut the **** up and be empty and alone together... what ever you need, I'll be here.

Countless tombstones lined up
  like shark teeth
Waiting for the next generation
  to march into their graves
Helmets waiting
  for heads waiting
    for their bullet holes
Dying in the same clothes
  as their father
    and their father
      before them
Because everyone
  loves a corpse
      in uniform
Left,
  Left,
   Left right left
The endless
   mobius strip
        of war

She wore a dress cut from the night sky
scattered with stars and dreams
and her smile
had a mischievous curve at each end
and a hint of magic glittered
in the colors surrounding her eyes
and she spoke in a voice
that echoed with the beauty of poetry
and he was tempted to crawl away
from the shyness that lived in his bones
and he managed to make small talk
but fell short of bravery
and slunk into the night without stars
and a dream that knew only her name

Do you want to write poetry
under sheets of blue oceans
made out of waves of crushed velvet
and dreams of translucent stars
swimming beneath the pleasures of flesh
and painted whispers of lust
moaning songs to the moon
and colors of the hidden rhythm
of a heart waiting to be filled
with the beats of a never ending love
and what do we need of words
or definitions or skin
to redefine the rules of sin
in a place beyond
what our mortal minds
are chained and bound
by nothing more than
a timid fear of what
our imaginations could unleash
when we stop fearing
the illusions of prophets of yesteryear
and become the sounds and beat
to fill our hearts with a never ending love
and the song painted by moans
and whispers to a lustful moon
and we can swim amongst
translucent stars of flesh and pleasure
under waves of crushed velvet
in the ocean and seas
of unwritten poetry

Buzz cut
  Rope tie
BANG!BANG!
Someone's gotta die
Pray to cash
  Bleed for oil
It's the smell of death
  That the blind dogma
    Loves best
Grind the gears
  Toss your bones
Keep the Kings safely
  Up on their Thrones
**** **** ****
  To feed the HATE
We can't let the illusion
  And FEAR dissipate
BOMBS BULLETS bodies
  we need
MORE MORE MORE
WAR is Big
  BUSINESS for
All them political
   ******
BOMBS BULLETS bodies
  So easily replaced
Are all the things we waste
Buzz cut
  Rope tie
BANG! BANG!
  Only DEATH makes
     it OUT(T)A LI(V)E

Don't our children have better things to do than be nothing more than coins exchanging hands for the continued industrialization of profit from death
Are they not worth more than being living pawns on an out dated board of chest that becomes nothing more than another military grave
Are their bones only meant to end up crushed and broken within the jaws and teeth of the old blind dog of war
Are their dreams worth less than this old perpetuated hate and unnecessary fear
What will become of us if we continue to value a false idea of national pride over the lives of our children and their children and on and on
What will become of us when we betray the hearts we were meant to protect and the minds we were meant to teach
What will we become when we protect oil over blood
When we choose machine over flesh
When we can't see the only future we give them by repeating the same mistake time and time again is an early and unneeded death
What can become of us if we handle our children's lives so cruel
Is it not time to give them something better than the endless circle and cycle that has brought us nothing more than unending grief
Is it not time to give life and love back to those to who it should belong
Is it not time to trust our children with better things to do

"a" is for love
"b" is for hate
"c" is for the illusion and deceit we believe
"d" is for who the innocent and children follow into graves
"e" is for the things we choose not to see
"f"  is for the things that we don't know or understand
"g" is for the faceless we give new names and old prayers
"h" is for the place that we tell bad little children they'll go
"i"  is for the blind leading the blind off the edge of the world
"j"  is for the humor we find in ****** and ****
"k" is for for the one eyed man wearing a crown
"l" is for what we believe in place of the truth
"m" is for what we justify in the name of country and god
"n" is for letting the hungry starve on the cold streets
"o" is for the thing we fear more than death
"p" is for those who turn cash into laws to protect rich criminals
"q" is for the lady dressed in jewels and dead hope
"r" is for what we have done with our dreams and our blood
"s" is for the last word we will say when we realize it's a little too late
"t" is for the boogeyman carrying our bullets and bombs
"u" is for what stares back from the mirror we pretend not to see
"v" is for the birds waiting to pick what little humanity still covers our bones
"w" is for the games of profit for death
"x" is a sign and a spot and a sign we ignore
"y" is for questions we better not ask
"z" is for all that is wasted in a life lived in a world
  that doesn't start and end with love

We are the children of madmen
     with voices
    louder than bombs
We are the dreamers of tomorrow
  with a love more
    blinding than hate
We are brother and sister of lunacy
   with kindness in our blood
     instead of prejudice
And we are here to make fear tremble
And we are here to end corruption
And we are here to protect
  the rights of all from those
    who seek to take equality away
From the poor and the hunger
  and the homeless and the lost
    and the innocent and the abused
     and our brothers and sisters
      and mothers and fathers of
        all colors and nations
         and of every orientation
We are here for the our
  endangered earth
    and oceans and seas
     and rivers and streams
      and mountains and soil
       and the dying close to extinction
        and for science and reason
We are here to pursue the right
  to the freedoms of happiness
   and creative expression
     and intellectual conversation
      and to love and be loved
       by any and all brave enough
        to have a gentle heart
         with an unfaltering beat
           and courageous pulse
Against the Ignorance of presidential pigs
  and politicians of swine
   and the whorish hogs of war
    and those that feed at the trough
     of profit from the death of innocence
And we are here today to take back
  our tomorrows and our lives
   and our bodies and our hearts
    and our will and our power
And we will roar with our voices
   with the light of love
    and words of kindness
      louder than your bombs

We sip our coffee and cream
  and drink our whiskey and beer
Then listen to wolves
   dressed as doctors
     with deaf ears
       and big empty eyes
        and blood stained teeth
Who tell us to dull the pain with pills
  and drown emotions
   in prescription prayers
    refillable
     at the small cost of our souls
And we sit in front of flat screens
  and smart phones and insta-gratification
    and press the illusion of our face
      between pages of a metaphor
        disguised as a book
And the imagined life is better
  than what is really going on
   so we script our day to day lives
     and step into the ring
       and wrestle like big men
         pretending its not just
           another form of ballet
We've doubled down on dumbing down
  and we're losing more than we're gaining
    but we keep spinning the wheel
      and the barrel
        and pulling the trigger
          playing the game
            of suicide
          and Russian Roulette
There is two bullets for every name
  and a bomb of every size
   waiting for its time to go BOOM
     and war is just a business
        for the rich
      payed for by the innocent
       and the ignorant
Death is big money
  and blood is cheap
    pump up the world population
      and the rise of inflation
        keep education at a minimum
          as well as a wage
Keep the poor hunger
  and give them an illusion to hate
    divide and separate
     fear is the season of reason
      needed to segregate and dissipate
       any sympathy or empathy
        or kindness or love
We live in a nation of sheep
  being lead by a pig
   and it sounds like fiction
    but it's horrifyingly real
     and he tweets and he oinks
      and he huffs and he puffs
       and he is just a sad little man
        having a bad hair day
         day after day
The world is watching
  and laughing
    a nervous laugh
Maybe it's nothing to worry about
  maybe I'm just late for my pill
   and my beer and my whiskey
    and maybe I just need a little
      cyanide and cream
       to lighten the mood
        of the black coffee news

Death reflects on clear water
  trapped inside plastic bottles
The scent of blood is choking
  the dust in the wind
And we lay here helplessly dreaming
  of who we could be
If we were not so afraid
  of who we are

Little girl Little boy
All this noise in the world
And no one is listening
No one is noticing all the wrong
All the ugly words to the song
Children sitting gathered at tables
Laughing as they should
Laughing while they can
Life fast at their heels
Horror awaiting to replace their innocent
   days
And whose daughter will go first
Whose little girl will lose her will
      To smile
       To trust
        To love
Whose precious ray of sunshine
  Will be dragged
     To
        Dark alleys
         Dark couches
           Dark beds
Whose little flower will be
         Stomped on
         And crushed
         And dismembered
      And left living a life
      Constantly wishing for death
And who would do such a thing
   To such a sweet little smile
  Will it be by
    Monster or cousin
    Or uncle or father
    Or neighbor or stranger
    Or husband or freind
And whose little boy will lose his way
   Lose his way from patience
   And kindness and love
   And respect
Whose little boy will grow into brother
  Of brother of father of wealth
    And of name
Whose little boy will be taught by
  ignorance and ***** that he must be like
  the father of his brother of his brother
  of name and of wealth
Whose little son will grow into the monster
    of the illusion of being a man
Means taking whatever he wants
   whenever he can
Whose little monster will be left to wander
  and stray
    So far far away
     From the days of being
      A monster was only
        pretending and play
I sit and I sip coffee of sugar and cream
  And I wish and I pray that this was all
   A bad dream
But I cannot refuse or deny it
All this horrible horrible noise
Among the children laughing
With naive painted grins
I shudder inside of thoughts of their
                                       innocence gone
I tremble to know of futures of
                                        terrible wrongs
Whose will grow into murders of racism
  and hate
Whose will find themselves victims of ****
Whose will find themselves innocent
  locked behind bars awaiting death row
Who will turn into monster and beast
Who will turn into hero and friend
Whose little boy
Whose little girl
Will brave the road and pave the way
  To a future of endless
               Innocent days
It cannot be a day too soon
Let us hope it is not a day
                  Too late...

Oh sweet beauty
Let me love you
Let me ride this love to you
Like a lost comet
In eternities embrace
Let our souls bloom
Let our bodies entwine
Let our eyes crash
Let our mouths meet
Let our fingers rain
Let our hands flow
And let our  love explode
Like worlds colliding
Suns dying
Stars igniting
Moons crumbling
Heavens trembling
Hells falling
Oceans parting
Paradises losing
Nirvanas dreaming
Passions flaming
Hearts pounding
Pounding hard
Let us fall
Too quickly
Too deeply
Too far
Too much
And then
My sweet beauty
Let us fall
And love
And pound away
More and
More
Farther and
Farther
Deeper and
Deeper
Faster and
Faster
Until we
Brake and crash
Through
Forevers  
Door
And there
We'll live
And laugh
And cry
And dance
And love
Beyond
The hands
Of time
And the whims
Of fate

"Did you see it?  Oh... god, please tell me you saw that.  It was ******* beautiful, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.  I mean... I never... never saw anything... ANYTHING.... GOD.... just tell me you saw that....  It h..ha..happened so fast...was...was that even real.  It was crazy.... Her hand, it just...She just slipped it right through his chest... like he was a ghost or just air... and pulled out his HEART.  It was a beautiful thing to watch... and the air went electric, you could feel it in the  air... so much love.  His heart, there in her hand, it was singing and purring.  I never felt so miserably happy in my whole ****** life.  What a thing to see,  watching it beat there in her hand, It was flopping around in her hand like a fish, jumping, and I swear, barking and whining like a little puppy.  It filled the air with such love and happiness...oh... If I could have just stayed there in that air.  Then she smiled, and he... he was smiling too, the whole time, frozen with his eyes glazed over, a hauntingly beautiful smile... but her smile...wow... I couldn't breathe or move either.  God and the Devil, they would have wept to see such a beautiful smile.  And then she kissed his heart and I swear,  you could just tell...it kissed her back...  The electricity and music in the air,  it grew louder... it was like heaven and hell opened up and ever angel and devil and god and demon started playing a symphony.  Then,  this was the best part, she pulled wings out of thin air and started to sew them onto his heart... while it was still beating and singing and  jumping  around in her hand.   What a show... Unbelievable.  The wings came to life as she tied off the last stich... they streched out their feathers and then flew off with his heart... And... then they both turned to smoke and vanished.  Can you still hear it... the music... Can you still feel it... The love, here in the air... Its... Its amazing right... I could just stay here forever... couldn't yo...Hey, where did you go...where'd everyone go?... Hello..."  *
But he was alone...
No one was there and it suddenly went black and he felt empty and he knew before he put his hand over his chest... his heart was gone

repost apr 2016
I've never been good with
Women or girls
Never brave, never able to speak
Mumble was the best I could do
And I did that too quitely
And too often
No... never good
Lucky enough though I guess
With the wild ones
The ones that didn't play chase
Or damsel in distress
The ones that wandered the night
Hungry for life and pain
The ones able to see me hiding
And mumbling to myself
Being shy in the corner
The ones that weren't afraid to strike first
They bought me drinks until I was drunk enough to forgot who I was
Or that I was shy
They lite the matches and the cigarettes and the fires and the madness
Took me back to their homes smiling
I was always too innocent and naive to know why
Until I woke up naked beside them in the middle of the night
And we would do it again
And in the morning too
Sometimes I got lucky for months
Sometimes years
And sometimes I got lucky
And fell in love
Thank the gods for the crazy ones
The stark mad lunatics
Crazy for the beautiful pain of being alive
I never would have known love without them
Would never find it again if they weren't still out there
Dancing in their darkness with their demons and heartache
No I've never been good with women or girls
But I've been lucky more times than one man deserves in a lifetime...
Still, it would be nice to fall madly in love one last time
Just one last first kiss from lips burning with the madness of love
Just one last time...