I wish I could pull you into my heart
so you could see
how beautiful you make it feel
how it has found heaven
here in this breathing moment

and if you could just feel this
this heart beating as your own
that never again in your life
would you have to question
what true love feels like
because true love
feels like you

who are we without are ****** egos
without are overindulgent narcissism
without are overinflated *****
in our own mouths
swallowing our own pride

how many selfies will it take
before we know our selfs
how much self pride will it take
before we realize we have nothing
to be prideful for

nothing more than civilized savages
of casual cruelty

so quick to anger
so willing to hate
so willful to ignorance

so blind to love

love

the only thing that makes
our miserable existence worthwhile
the only thing that makes our suffering
worth breathing through

yet we sit blind gazing
at our brief moments of eternity

trusting the lust of our eyes
over the truth of our hearts

giving into the desire
of instant gratification
to avoid the fear of being alone
the desperation of feeling lonely

pretending to know love
as we sit side by side
while drifting miles apart
strangers speaking different languages

smiling through the pain
******* away the time
as our flesh erodes
as our bones weaken
as our hearts fade away
from what we could become

how hollow is the echo
of what was once the song
of our hearts
how shallow of a river bed
have we made of our blood
is there anything but oxygen
filling our empty lungs and

if we let go of our egos
if we threw away our vulgarity

what would we find
what would we become

if we closed our eyes
and saw with our hearts
would we feel then
that we could be beautiful
without the cruelty of our narcissism

I miss so much of my old life...
old friends...
old lovers...
old what might have been...

but I was never brave...
so shy..
shy...
as the sin and sign of something ******...
i miss her lips that where...
the best of the days of long ago...
I miss the lips I never kissed...
the best of what might have been...

and I must apologize...
for running...
for running so far from friends...
so far from family...
because of a foolish heart...
a heart that I was equally to blame for breaking...

and it should not be so odd...
looking back...
the hindsight...
yet I curse my youth...
my younger self...
had it all...
before it knew gratitude...

has it all now...
but is to afraid too express itself...
what are fools other than pawns of repetition...

and how lucky am I...
to know love again...
to meet it more deeply...
to recognize it once more in my lungs...

to know its beauty...

its perfection...

what else matters...
what a cruel unmeaning less thing
we have made out of life...
how thoughtless we have become
in the seeking of intelligence...
how useless is knowledge
when it knows nothing of love...

and here I sit...
useless...
trying to deny...
trying to hide...
what I know...
is the only thing...

the only thing that knows beauty...
the only thing that knows perfection...
the only thing that knows love...
that knows love...
love is the only thing...
the only thing...
that can keep...
that can make...
our foolish life’s...
worth living

You’re going to have to
break my heart soon

we both know that

and thats ok

I always knew this was the only path
we would travel if I dared walk it
if I dared expose my heart
if I dared tell the truth
of how I felt
how long I have felt this way

I hope you know
I will still feel this way
I will not curse your name
I will not be angry
I will not walk away
from what we have built

if I were to grow angry at your rejection
if I were to be spiteful
that would only make me a liar
that would only expose my feelings
as nothing more than a lewd desire

you are more than beauty
more than light
more than inspiration
how did fate cross our paths
how was I deemed worthy
of your presence

I am not worthy to love you

but hopelessly I do

and always will

even after the inevitable
breaking of my heart

If you saw her heart
you might mistake it for gold
but I know it is the color of sunlight
lemons and tangerines
the sweet blood of honey
the song of the first morning bird

when god asked for light
it was her who split open her ribs
and it was the radiance of her heart  
that filled all that was once dark
and when god saw her
god trembled in awe
and wept the first tears of joy

and where gods tears fell
all the  dreams of love
and all the dreams of beauty
fell from those tears
and they swam out
into the empty cosmos

it is there in her chest
where the sun gets it color
where all light is born
from her heart
made out of sunshine
lemons and tangerines

filling what is empty
lighting what is black
giving dreams of love
giving dreams of beauty
giving meaning to everything
giving meaning to life
all life

I wish...

I wish I could share this with you...
I wish I could tell you how absolutely miserable I have become...
how wonderfully painful it has been...
and that I hope I will never quite be as intoxicated as I am now...

how strange a thing love can be...
to fill our hearts with such a melancholy joy...
to make us feel so wonderful in our chests
that we cry because we are
overburdened with happiness...

what a strange creatures we are...
how absolutely absurd of a species...
to sometimes find ourselves so in love that we become afraid...
afraid of something that feels so beautiful...
sounds so sweet humming in our hearts...
how can we fear a thing that can turn silence
into an orchestra within our blood and marrow...
that we would deny the majestic paradise
and heavenly garden it causes to bloom within our bones...

how is it that we can pray to an empty sky for redemption
in hopes of some eternal bliss in another life...
that we can pray to an unknown god
to treat us kindly after death...
yet waste our true potential while we are here
breathing for such a short and insignificant time
within the living moments of eternity...

that we fail to give our all to love...
our all to each other...
that we too often find ourselves barely able to whisper...
to softly utter under our breathes...
or say a single thing...
about the love we know is beating wildly
and carefree inside our very pulse...

I wish...

I wish I could share this with you...
that I have become a small boy inside again...
so perfectly and shyly obsessed with your beauty...
so curious of the warmth and light of your kindness...
so mesmerized by the humming of your heart...
heaven must be made from the sounds
echoing from within the light of your soul...
how hypnotic the music of your footsteps...
how elegant the harmony of your silence...
and what of the cosmic opera that plays so softly
from the caramel swirls of your eyes...
what a lovely song you are...

i wish...

i wish I could be the reason and inspiration
for your heart to feel this kind of misery...
this kind of wonderful pain...
to make it wish it would never be this intoxicated again...
to know love in all its strange bewildering beautiful truths...
for our hearts to be mirrors reflecting
the same endless love to each other...
for each other...

how kind has fate already been...
to have let my path cross with yours...
to let my heart feel such

a wonderful

miserable

painful love...
that I find myself wishing myself brave...
wishing myself young again...
wishing that I could share this with you...

one of these days before
there is no light left in my eyes
no movement in my chest
no air to exit my lungs
I will tell you how I fell  

maybe you already known

I will tell you how you made
my heart a happy place
with the time we spent
in the same rooms

how you turned earthly moments
into heavenly breaths
by showing me your heart
made out of sunshine

and how brightly and beautifully
your heart inspired my own
to know and feel love
beyond any I would have
dared hoped for
dreamt of
or possible imagined

how every moment with you
was a gift I could never
be grateful enough for
a debt beyond any
I could repay in this life

and that when
there is no light left in my eyes
no movement in my chest
no air to exit my lungs

that my heart will remember...

it will remember the light and beauty
of your sunshine heart
and all the love you inspired it
to know and feel