I'm filled to the tips of my toes
with woes of my self-pitying prose
that tries to flow across the page
but only gets stuck, igniting my rage

nothing I do seems to produce
any ounce of respect,
even if I give it my best, over and over and over again
until there is nothing left but my own best, pest.
(me)

It's a contest that life and I play
but every time: I lose and I make an excuse
but life simply refuses to see it through, to give it a change
to show I can dance to the beat of my drum

Some *** on the street once spoke to me,
saying all my life I will be fleeing from things.
Bullied and put down; a girl can only accept so much regret
and emails that she never would get

Yet, I brush of my shoes
even though I know I'll probably always lose
at this game called life that has become my strife.
If only I could end this with a simple lie.

It's still not my time to die
even though I want to kiss it all goodbye;
I have found a reason to stay,
a boy, who has pushed my demons away

He's taught me to persevere
without having to sip from an ice, cold beer.
"my dear", he whispers, soft in my ear,
"I'll wipe your tears from your eye and steer you away from your fears."

A gift; he has been a gift
amid my own destruction,
I am learning to function, to beat life at it's own game
and to get away from this same, lame pain.

The boy has washed the dust from my shoes,
replaced my woes with beautiful prose that decorates my heart
and finally learns to become a piece of
still, marvelous art.

I'm smart, so I will not forget
that I am always in debt to this brown eyed
Guide that has guided me by to my light and
taught me to beat this game called life.

Nonexistent.
You used to be a nonexistent being
But here you are, and I am aching
From the look that you give me when you see me.
(You see me.)

You save me from the thunder that lies inside my heart;
Give me hope for a fresh, new start that will
Spread out before me, like butter on toast.
You give me the most satisfying hope.

Bluish pain once consumed my bones,
Only soft murmurs and whispers and moans
Could escape my lips until we kissed and you
Replaced the pain with sweet, warm rain.

Slain was my soul until
You knighted yourself; became my prince
To fill up that dull, null void of empty nothingness.
Breathless and airless; you have brought me to brightness.

The words that fell from your lips like drops of rain,
They filled me top-full up with a bright and mighty light
That gave me a reason to fight
For my once pathetic and pain filled life.

You have destroyed my strife and have become my reason
To step a step up the steep set of stairs
Of this big, fat mess of a life
Filled with airless cares.

You have saved me from my panicked mind.
I am no longer blind from the blight that laid inside.
Indebted to you, with not much to return,
I give you my heart, and this "so-called" piece of silly art.

So always remember the feelings that we both share,
For I will not bear to lose my prince,
Who has just started to rinse the filth from my soul, making me whole,
Taking away all of my pain.
(Replacing the dirt with sweet, warm rain.)

Glasses that tinted blue under the sun
cold, white teeth that dazzled
a smile that fizzed
it whizzed in my stomach.

Tingling, fidgeting hands
a correction of plans that I made when you asked if I was free
for you, I'd always be.

The dark hair that snaked across your head
it drew my breath
and with it left,
the rest of my youth and that is the truth.

Brown eyes, hidden by wireless frames
the sparkle that you once brought
has many times given me the thought:
of how I wish  I could paint your face and
hold your hand against my chest
to do my best to never let go, for then how could I ever know?

A smile that shattered the sky, you spoke of many things
but never once did you utter a "goodbye"
so imagine my surprise when you died and left behind
that wisecracking smile, etched into my skin.

What you did was a sin and now the sky is so dim
a dull lull loses control of it's full power to consume
****, you ruined my plans of a happy beginning
and now it's all about my never beginning ending.

I am spending my days fending for those memories
that fold in the corners of my mind
it takes so long for me to find
your voice that once saved me from my own demise

You were so wise, so sly with your ulterior motives
to take away your own life
and now it's my life to figure out why?
Why, did you have to die?

I'm from apple pies
and endless blue skies.
A world that's plastered
with sweets and smiles that are backwards.

I'm from stagnant desks
that smell grotesque.
Schools that steal children's thoughts.
A place where all your free will rots.

I'm from a house seemingly warm
but inside lays a giant storm.
Yells and cries fill the walls
while the skeleton of hope fills the halls.

I'm from a place
that hates every "F" I obtain.
But with an "A" what would I gain?
Just some fake encouragement to make me vain.

I'm from "Hallelujah"
to crucify ya.
"Worship me or to hell you go"
But how would they even know?

I'm from backyard playing under the sun
until my friends deemed it no longer fun.
Canceled plans; left alone
have turned my gooey heart into stone.

I'm from broken mirrors
to cover up my fears;
to hide my reflection
and hope that I won't see my new direction.

I'm from the ending
but I'm not from the beginning
I'm just a finish to this puzzle.

I am the end.

I'm sick of trying to deflect every line of my predetermined fate
I've gotta close my eyes, say my goodbyes
Fall to the ground and let my bones break.

Well, hell my skull has cracked.
The brains I once contained are a mess and they seem to be less
than what I had expected.
I suppose when I let go I didn't know
that my thoughts would be completely exposed and be utterly known.

My soul is on the line
because my body is bare and naked
showing the monster inside that I have created.
Something I have worked hard to keep so secret
is exposed to the sun and it
darkens the air with the breath that I left
to be swallowed up by my sigh.
Well it's no longer time to lie.
I've gotta come clean, wipe away all that is unseen.
I have fought valiantly but I have lost and now I'm paying a terrible cost.

I'm a fool for staying hidden
when all it wanted was an intermission with a decision.
To rip out my heart and feed it to the dark.
Instead I ignored it.
And now it's eating away all the love that I once felt, all the compliments I have dealt.
Well, help me save them from this monster I have created.
But how can I **** it? When the villain is me.

My eyes are opened with a snap when I hear the footsteps coming back.
Am I really the only one to blame?
Could I have saved all those lives; women and children?

But oh their blood is stained and etched into my skin.
Imprinted, forever, glued like a tattoo.
This monster I have become is breaking through.

How can I destroy the evil that sits so deep inside
when my mind controls both thoughts, pure and putrid?
My mind is failing,
My body falling,
My mind stalling.

I know the truth.
I know what I must do in order to save those I love.
I must **** what I am becoming.

I'm afraid there is only one way.
We both know that I can no longer stay
I must take my final bow
and bite the bullet,
swallow the pills,
snap my neck,
slice my throat,
stab my heart,
and say goodbye
because it's my time.

In school I never understood
No, I never could
what the point of it was.
What is the point?

I learned about math and science;
Good God, why am I so defiant?
So call me lazy.
Tell me my IQ is below average.
Well here's an image:
I'm actually smart I just hate
being a slave
to the system.

I almost missed 'em.
But they caught me
and now they got me
and all that I intended to defend
is left on the side of the street.

I'm rebelling
while they're trying to compel me
to stay put in my seat
like a ******* robot.
Well, I will not.

I gotta break outta this prison
but where's my bailsman?
This is my decision
and I've chosen
not to be broken.

My mind will escape unscathed
while yours will continue to be lathed
by those mechanical words
that they feed to you like birds.
And what's worse:
Is that you eat it.
You accept them.
You swallow down that indiscretion.
What a burden
but I don't feel sorry
for you tainted mind
because you chose it
when I warned you
that they'd change you.

And now you've become a slave to their holocaust
and you're so lost.
You can't even think your own thoughts.
It's despicable.
And it's not permissible.

You're stuck in their Utopia
and you're praising their allah.
Well God knows, it's not right.
So you gotta ignite
all your original thoughts and morals
cause honey they aren't your idols.
They are so pretentious
and utterly blinded.
Stuck under their bibles
but they aren't angels.

Break free from the system
come join my anthem.
Let's start a rally
and get more allies.
Join me in my plea
to be all that we can be.
To stand for what we choose.
I promise we will not loose.