I want to...
Forget everything that has happened,
Forget everything,
Isn't that what they say?
Ignorance is bliss?
Or am I just confusing terms,
Like I did when I was with you.

It is so hard to tell what is,
The difference,
Between pain,
And laughter,
Because even when you laugh,
That ring and shine to it,
Is just gone....

The bells of your voice overpowering then,
Are lost somewhere,
Perhaps I stole it, eh?
Like you stole my heart,
That was so long ago,
And the pain of now overpowers those memories.

I remember the brightness of your voice,
I remember the color of your eyes,
I remember the way you liked to be held,
What?
Oh yes,
Even those half-way hugs,
The quick ones before you took your bus home,
I remember those too.
But do you?

I wonder if you would let me return what was stolen.
I wonder and think,
And think and wonder aloud,
Sometimes in my sleep.
Would you let me give you back your bells?

I miss the ring of your voice,
I even listen hard in class for you to speak out,
Just to hear you.
Just to listen to the sweet,
But hurt,
Words that come from your mouth.

Silence hurts far worse than any,
Guilt,
Or mourning.
Please speak.
Please.

There is sight, but no insight
There is light, but it's not that bright.
Brain says good night,
Finding myself in a sorry plight.

Shut myself in a cocoon
Body and mind out of tune
Confusion and ignorance attune
Didn't think it'd happen so soon

Closed my eyes to see the colors dance
Felt the nerves going in a trance
Unaware of the surroundings
Flew with the my newly found wings.

One deep breath and thoughts die away
The warmth of the lips forgets the fray
Smell of liberty heartens the soul
Mind opens the door to the ultimate goal

As I exist without control
I feel my fingers burn like coal
Sense come back with a drum roll
Nicotine rushes in like a parasite.

There’s nothing I’d rather do
Than watch TV with you on my lap
Sleeping the afternoon through
As the raindrops continually tap-tap

There’s nothing I’d rather kiss
Than that hollow of your throat
When your breathings gone amiss
Cuddling under a cashmere coat

There’s nowhere I’d rather be
Than sitting on the roof at midnight
With you and a cup of pepper tea
Carefully tracing dawn’s first light

There’s no other I’d rather
Than you right now, right here
Even when we lose hold of together
I’ll love you long after We disappear

The day that was before,
With a sky that was blue
And a sun that was hot,
Has changed to the day that is now,
With a sky that is grey
And an air that is damp.
The view from atop the high places is fogged.
There is nothing for the eye to take in
Except the thick mist and the shadows of black trees
That escapes the mouths of the choking clouds.
This sight may seem to many dreary and lonesome,
But really, it is beautiful.
The mist and the ghostly trees
Breathe mystery and secrecy,
You have only to whisper a secret and
The mist will keep it.
Rain has finally fallen on the land that was dry
Like the throat of hot summer.
Now everything is wet,
And all the trees’ dry throats relieved.

Lavander sweet, butterfly breezes
Love in the dusty yellow sunshine
Mason jars filled to the brim with liquid amber and honey
Fragrant daffodils, flourishing tall as trees
And
Darling panseys and daisys
Who dance like suthern bells
Bees take flight and the nights are filled with wonderlust
and longing
Starlight grazing the slightest lullaby
As is grows like thunder
And threatens to tear the unconciousness from your eyes

I wanted to be a snowflake
Laid to rest
On the roof above your head
But there were others that fell
Pushing down on my ribs
I held my breath but
I’d already lost my luster
Who can compete with
A fille of seventeen
Eyes bejeweled and
Legs long like palm trees
I wanted to be a woolen blanket
Radiate your warmth
Back over you
You had no need for my tenderness
The beams of late morning
Sent me tumbling down
A gutter pipe
Left swirling in a crack
In the pavement
Hand in hand with your enchantress
Carefully stepping over me
You mustn’t get her shoes wet.

The smell of iron at 9:19 am, disgusting
Unresolved, I
Would have given you the palm of my hands, there
Was a parade of objects in hibernation, and
The wire was made of plastic
I couldn’t
Walk, Tiburtina
Railway station blew up around me, the
Upside-down lilies hanging and dangling, you
Were sewn inside
My chest and pushed
Broken
You were breaking my ribs, shrieked, I
Was thinking about your hair
The embrace
The window
The cat
On the other windowsill
(As if he knew)
And you
Moving forward in the smell
Of the smoke, expanding
And she
Keeping on, she was filling up
All the cans
Was labelling and talking and talking
Pretending she had never
Existed, she
Had been
Transfigured
Hidden inside the white, she
I miss you, you kept saying, it
Couldn’t be done.
Don’t you understand?
It couldn’t be done.

I never once thought
that one day
I would have to wake up,
without you being my
very reason
to get out of bed

J.H.