You should know that when I get to rest my mind
I dream of lovely, crazy things, like when I called you mine
I can find our love again, every time that I find rest
Out of all the lovers I've had, I'd say you were the best
I still imagine what it'd be like
To grow old with someone like you
I remember when I truly thought I would
But seasons change and people do, too

Just know I don't regret you

I hate that you're always on my mind,
That my last wish would be to be with you
And have our bodies once more intertwined.

I hate that during every instant,
Thoughts of you run through my mind.
We were once so close, but now so distant.

I hate myself more than I hate you,
But most of all, more than anything else,
I hate the fact that I would've given up everything for you.

My heart is beating fast.
I feel like I can't breathe.
Stop. No.
This anxiety is killing me.
It feels like a heart attack.
I feel like I can't breathe.
Stop.
I want to cry; I want to scream.
My heart hurts.
I'm so mad.
I hate you, but I love you.
I don't know what to feel.
But can a broken heart, break again?

You ****** all the air out of my head,
making me dizzy, spinning
until I feel almost dead,
and that's just the beginning.

The shaking starts at the tips
of my fingers and my toes
then spreads to my lips
until on my whole body it shows.

I'm gasping as my body falls apart,
since you tied my stomach in a knot,
which swings around and bruises my heart.
My chest soon becomes boiling hot.

What do I do, what have I become?
Tears are rolling down my face.
Luckily, a good friend stops by
to give me a relieving embrace.

I never thought I would be that girl,
That girl who hikes so high up a mountain
And forgets to bring water, or any vitality,
That gets so lost among the trees,
Loses footing on the off-beaten path that
She attempts to break forewarnings to travel.

That never thought she would go this crazy,
Insane enough to pick all the petals
Off every flower in the field lining the street,
Knowing in her heart and in her logical mind,
That she was just killing flowers
Because she knew he loved her

Not.

I fell so hard for you,
And you just let me fall.
I was in love with you,
I was in love with it all.

From your first "hello",
To your last "good night",
I was in love with you,
And it all felt right.

Looking back;
I knew I was in love,
You were my last thought before sleeping,
And my first when I woke up.

The way you smiled,
And talked, and walked,
The way you held my hand,
And got us lost in the dark.

It was all perfect,
Just right, to say the least,
I couldn't imagine my life without you,
But it all happened so fast and those moments ceased.

I miss the way you looked into my eyes,
And how you kissed me good night.
I miss the love we once shared,
The love that always felt so right.

And now you got my heart hurting,
From spending all night with those memories.

trading:**
scissors for hair
false smiles for real tears
cruel words for honest confessions
draining corpses for supportive souls
loneliness for solitude
the hum of numbness for booming self doubt
pretending for admitting
hard shell for nakedness
anger for sadness
distractions for reactions
avoidance for opportunity
wide open wounds for well deserved closure
indifference for uncertainty
emptiness for openness
hell for health

i’m trading
ingrained habits for a new consistent way of life
i’m really scared.

You stared back at me
Smiling
No care in the world
So naive of how ugly you'd become
Unaware of how your life would change
In a matter of just a few years

Your free time consumed of
Hospitals
Blades
Hatred
And sorrow
All combined into one pill
That you take every morning

I'm trying you promise
But I know you just want it all to end
You've become accustomed to being unhappy
Your picture of beauty is not what you see in the mirror
All because of things said to you
Drilled into your brain
Like little nails holding your thoughts together

You spend you nights hurting
Yet you can't cry anymore
You've cried enough tears for two lifetimes
But it never seemed like enough

You'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Because at least that means you're still alive

You're heart's still pumping
Lungs still breathing
Feet still taking steps
Closer and closer to the edge of reality
Losing you sanity
And faith in humanity
Your head spinning in circles
Making you feel so dizzy
That you pulled the trigger

Lowered ten feet under
Into the dirt you barely walked on
So young at heart
But your soul aged too fast

I still hear your voice
I still smell your perfume
I hear your laugh across the room
And so I run to it
Only to find
Nothing

Every year that goes by
I forget more and more about you
Trying to grasp your tiny chubby fingers
So that I don't lose myself
The way I lost you

But just like that
I'm in the same place as you
And you know that means
*I'll never be back