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I'm going to transmigrate my psyche
into my cat.
Spend most days curled in a beanbag,
Emerging only for food, cuddles and a quick saunter round the garden.
On days like today,
I'll lay down in a shaft of sunlight
And playfight with my brother
In the tentative February glow.
I'll be well rid of human angst
And inner turmoil,
Content to acquiesce to occasional petting
Soaking up affection
Purring softly in response.
 Feb 2014 AJ Claus
Stefan Jensen
This house used to be alive
Laughter, love, family, hope, blissful ignorance of what'd come to be.
But now it's just me.
Alone.
The silence of this house is a shadowed memory of the love of a home.

The pills got what they wanted, and took pops away. My cat was older than me, and just left us one day.

I miss being asked what I wanted for dinner. I miss football in the street, with dad, or him pulling out my splinters.

What about running home from the bus stop to grandma's donuts? Or watching the fireworks on our blankets, I miss this **** so much.

Isn't there someone who wants me to feel alright?
Can't God just help me sleep all night?
Cant we just have one more snowball fight?
Couldn't dad watch me enlist? And teach me how to low crawl right?

Cause if I go to Afghanistan, I'd want him to see, everything I became, and send me letters overseas, saying how proud he is, and how much he loves me. And cry and hug me in the airport when he sees me in greens.


Cause that year would've felt like forever. But now it's been eight, and I know that we'll never.
 Feb 2014 AJ Claus
Evynne
"Mental Illness"
Do those words excite you?
Look at me
I am a whirlpool of melancholy
I am a drain
I am filled with mania
I am a pulse
An endless flame
Of what perfect madness
I am every kind of fluctuation imaginable
"Mental Illness"
But I am so intimately rearranged
Put together in the most unique
And beautiful
And miserable of ways

"Mental Illness"
Ha,
*I am so much more than that.
I was sad before
But now I am depressed
And it dines on me
Slow some days, fast others

I was terribly, deeply sad before
Especially when I was alone
But I still smiled and
I still continued to feel

But now I am numb
And suicide is a constant companion
Lingering over me
Waiting for me to grab her hand and run

But I am at a stand still
A battle within myself
I am trying to decide whether to run
Or to stand tall and anchor myself to the soil

I cannot seem to stay clean
Days will pass since my last encounter
Then it starts all over again
And I feel guilty

Because I am worthless
And almost all my friends have left me
Disgusting, terrible, fat, nasty, pathetic
All branded on my body for the world to see

I feel numb
I feel alone
Tired and depressed
But no matter how I feel

I will still whisper
Steady "okay"'s and "I'm fine"'s
Cover my arms and legs
Hide away from the world because

I don't want you to worry
 Feb 2014 AJ Claus
Helen
we sat on the grass
for a little while
and had a chat
Loneliness
was a catalyst
Just sitting under trees
drinking heavily
from hope
that someone out there
wanted someone else
for company
share sympathy
some tea,
or coffee
offering a carafe
of nectar from the Gods
bagged in brown paper
sharing sips of
morality
taking gulps of
mortality
Pretending a bed of moss
are feathers
and beneath our head
lay the pleasure
of long forgotten comfort
that we gave to ourselves
at the most
We share our simple bed
with an unlikely ghost
And upon a day
when the Sun
decided to gild skin
with a kiss
of luminescence
we guessed
that just sitting here was no fun
so under
The Sun
you promised to come back
to go play on the swings
to push me higher
than the Earth
you promised me wings
and I got excited
well how 'bout that
I had a promise
from someone
who I knew
(not at all)
no takesy back...
but Sunday at the park
when all the families
went home
I sat still
on a swing
oxymoronically
alone
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