Im not dating because it gets to me
Others think im depressed im fine
Ive been reading and in the gym
Those are my fixed aldo loud music
I dont think or talk about the ex
People who betray me are dead to my heart
I dont bother with them and hope they dont come into contact with me ever again
Ive always been open and honest
Not making time for phony people
Its hard to keep things situated but manageable
Work is for work leave home troubles at home
I understand everyone has a struggle but dont let it consume you

Stop.
Stop apologising for him not loving you.
Stop apologising for having
small hands and a loud mouth
and a big heart.
Stop searching for reasons why you're not good enough:
you are more than enough.
Stop expecting apologetic phonecalls
or his car parked outside the front of your house.
He isn't coming back.
You don't want him back.
Girls,
you're so quick to see being a woman
as being weak, used, desperate.
You confuse fragility with weakness;
yes, you are delicate
but you are strong
strong and beautiful
and I promise it will come to you;
I promise that love will come to you.
There will be someone
who is more in love with the fact you woke up next to him
than the fact you fell asleep next to him.
He will love you in ways that fill your lungs
and he will love you because you are you.
There will be someone
that adores your small hands,
someone who considers your loud mouth to be music,
someone that wants to love your big heart.
There will be someone
that considers your body to be valuable art
rather than a mere object.
There will be someone
that doesn't tell people you're *'just friends'.
There will be someone
who is proud to have you.
There will be someone who will love you
the way you want to be loved.
There will be someone who will love you
and cause you to finally love yourself.

How sweet the sound of amazing grace that saves filthy sinners like me.
Who are not even close to worthy of accepting the gift of God's love that is
             Relentless;
                       Unwaivering;
                                  No strings attached.
He died a painful death upon the cross to save lives like mine.
Ones that can't even resist the smallest temptations put before us, though we know the extent of the evil one.
Why is it that we cling to the things of this world that are
              Evil;
                    Destructive;
                                Corruptive;
Instead of holding onto the everlasting promises of our Lord Jesus that are
              Hopeful;
                      Redemptive;
                                  Life changing.
He took a lost, broken, depressed drug addict, and chose me to do His mighty work; to build up His kingdom.
Not once has He said you're not good enough and you'll never be.
But he took the
               Lost me;
                        Angry me;
                                 Addiction based me;
And said "I'm going to use your story, for my glory, and I'll make you strong enough to resist those things."
For when I am weak, that's when He is strong.
Stronger than any temptation ivs ever faced.
And just like Nehemiah, "I am doing a great work and I cannot come down."

i wish it were you
saying you're sorry
over how you never loved me
the same way
i loved you
but it's not
it's me
i'm the one who's sorry
i'm sorry i was never good enough
sorry i never tried hard enough
or caught your eye
i'm sorry i wasn't as beautiful
as you would have wished
sorry i was too ugly inside
for you to love me
i'm sorry that no matter how hard
i tried
you never noticed
you never took interest
and never seemed to care
i'm sorry you never felt
the same way
as i felt
for you
i'm sorry
and it should be you
telling me you're sorry
that you never
loved me back
and put me through
all those years
of pain
tears
hopelessness
and
crushed dreams
because you never
ever
took notice in me
or were gentle
when it came to
my feelings
for you
but it's me who's sorry
sorry i was never
good enough
for you
and someday
i hope you
can forgive me too