I don't love you anymore
but we can still play pretend.
I'll kiss you and hug you and giggle
like I did when we were 13.
I'll let you do other things too;
I always have,
I always will.
Even though it feels like nothing.
It feels black and empty.
Soulless, heartless.
Ha.
Even lying I can still tell the truth.
Can you?
Can you tell me something true?
Really true?
Like the words we whispered in the dark,
when my parents weren't home,
when our bodies were pressed close,
breathing and feeling like everything was
alright.
Quite alright.
Too alright.
Because it felt like a fake story being told,
like a twisted and ****** up imagination
groping at my tiniest desires.
Poking and prodding them until they twitched
like dying cockroaches under an eternal light.
But bitter fairytales make sweet nightmares
that you lull me away from with your soft words
and gentle "I love you's"
Well I love you too
And we both know how much lies count.

Fear.
Haunting, crippling fear.

At any moment's notice,
it drags me under.

Peeling away my skin
with its rusty, gnawing claws

All I can smell is smoke
but nothing is burning

Death fills my lungs and
caresses the tip of my tongue

It's all I can taste and feel and smell
It's on my back like a demon

It aches so much that my heart is heavy
Too heavy with its pounding

Everyday this sensation comes
Every night

Yet its origin is unknown
and yet the fear still takes me

I can't fight it
I know I will succumb

Leaving my life as ashes in the wind,
On the tip of someone else's tongue

I heard your voice again.
It broke me
and new tears ran fresh
from my eyes
in long, painful streams.
I could barely talk.
Every word felt like
an ice pick in my
throat: sharp, deadly,
and deep.
Over and over, I felt like
all the old feelings I had
suppressed and surpassed
came back in a gust
taking me down with them,
making me fragile again.
I couldn't do it.
I gave up.
Your voice kills me too much,
for too long.
I never want it to pass
through my ears again,
or else
it might end me, forever.

Dear You,
I miss my brother. I haven't seen him since I was 11. Five years. I'm turning sixteen now and he won't there. Another missed birthday. It hurts more not having him than not having my father does. He messed up. Big time. Too many times. And now he's paying for it. I don't know when I'll see him again but I want to. Today I found a letter he sent my mom. I tried to write him once. Back in 8th grade. The letter was returned saying that the address was wrong. At least that's what Mom told me. I haven't tried again since. I cry when I think of him. I cry more than I do for anything else. I know I have other siblings but this one is the only who left me. Who left me alone. It was like that whether he was there or not. Because of him I had no one for a really long time. And now when I need him again, when I need my big brother, he's not there.

Sometimes I can't even comprehend
the way I feel when I look in your eyes
It cuts me to the core
Leaving me begging for more and more
Deep in my bones there is an ache
For one gaze from you
One fleeting look to end all looks
If I should die with that in mind
I would lie awake in my grave
With nothing but deep rotting sorrow

Dear Stranger,
I don't need you anymore. I don't think I ever did. I wonder all the time if you were ever really there. As long as I can remember you were gone. All those years, nothing. It was almost as if you were dead. And then you appeared out of nowhere and things changed. I don't know how but they did. Then you did what you did and left again. What can I expect? Of course you left, you had your reasons just like before. I can't say I feel nothing because I feel too much. It hurts a lot and I cry a lot. I can't help it. Every time I think of you or someone mentions you, it hurts. I have one question though. Why were you there for the others and not me? I don't remember you ever being there yet everyone else has crystal clear memories and photos. I have nothing. Did you ever hold me? Because I don't remember ever being in your arms. I only have two memories of you but they don't seem real. They are too blurry to make sense of. I don't think they actually happened. Even though the thought of you makes me cry, I don't want you around. It would only make things worse. My heart hasn't hardened against you, I don't think it ever will. No matter what you will always be a part of me, how could you not be? All I want to say is goodbye. I doubt we will ever meet again.

So long,
Your daughter.

You know how when you were little you would pick a flower and do the whole "he loves me, he loves me not" thing? Who would have thought things would get so much more complicated than that? That finding or knowing love wouldn't come from pulling a petal off an innocent flower. That plucking flowers wouldn't solve life's dilemmas and catch-22's. What would you give to have that again? To be able to decide what you want or how things are with a pretty little flower. I know I would give nothing. Life is hard but that is the way it is meant to be.

Inside my love dies
It aches with luscious tears
Creeping into sorrow's bed
It makes its nest with woe

Secondary dreams of vicarious hearts
bruise with the glinting of first light
Showing the wear and tear of living another life
Hands out begging for more they wade into
the swirling masses of existence
Unabashed by what is to come

The clicking sound of the car door locks is quite audible as we round the corner and drive through the city night. Fear doesn't strike the heart but it lives in the mind. It casts a long, dizzying shadow like a charcoal mistake staining the page. It can't be erased but lightens only a little. Its dangerous claws try to grasp at all it can latch onto. You may slip from its grip physically but Fear still has a hold on you mentally.

And with my wide eyes
I've seen a tarnished world

Its people, lack luster,
bearing too heavy burdens

This world, oh this world
so bruised and battered

I weep, I cry, I mourn
No change. It can't be fixed

No matter how many tears are shed
It will never end

Forever scarred this world is
Hurting it will always be.

Everyone has fear but many have fear of peace.
No one totally wants it.
It's that peace is calmer than the war
and the death that gives them what they want.
The fear lives in the heart and the brain.
It has come with the cutting edge and is ready for combat.
It has its guns and its bullets to **** anyone.
For those who have it and for those that hate it.
Because fear is the root of everything.

Your reputation is your life.
You only think about that.
It's what you want and love.

You leave the people close to you
for the glamour and the publicity,
for bright lights and bad people.

But you have lost the soul,
the love, the happiness.
You only know pain, anger and sadness.

Toda la gente tiene miedo pero mucha tiene miedo de la paz. Nadie la quiere totalmente. Es que paz es más tranquila que la guerra y la muerte que dan a todos lo que quieren. El miedo vive en el corazón y el cerebro. Ha llegado con todo el filo y está listo para combate. Tiene sus armas y sus balas para matar a cualquiera. A los que lo tienen y los que lo odian. Porque miedo es la raíz de todo.

Those times.
Those dreams.
Those thoughts.

How lucky you thought you were.
Innocent and pure.
Free of life's madness.

You never truly cared.
Just drifted along.
Praying that what others suffered

would never happen to you.
You saw the way to the top.
So you grabbed the rope and climbed.

Clung to it and climbed.
Higher and higher you went
'til you were almighty and godlike.

Then someone knocked you off that pedestal.
You fell,
down to the ****** ground, you fell.

Your bones shattered.
Your lungs collapsed.
But through all the cuts and bruises,

you longed and hungered for
that remembered time
when you reigned over all.

I want to escape
from everyone
from everything.

From love,
hate,
joy and devotion.

I want numbness.
A drawn in lobotomy
coursing through my veins.

Silence in my thought
and words
drenching my sorrow

Until it groans no more.
Cleansing me.
Stripping it all away.

Oh, what I wouldn't give
for such oblivion and naiveté!
Peace! Let my mind sleep!

While I runoff
to some ****** realm
of nothingness.

Painted walls
and faces.
Smiling,
Laughing
Behind all their disgraces.

The dance.
The feel.
The touch.
The hope.
Drunkenly on a tightrope

Between fantasy and reality,
Following the herd in their slick sensual way
Or
Pure individuality
Molding the clay.

They move, they pace
Not a line on their face
No disdain, no pain
Just hot electric freedom
On the thrill ride of a drug induced game

Pills are popped.
Drinks are shot.
And the crowd keeps going
on
and
on.

While she sits.
In the corner there she sits.
Feeling her brain explode.
Feeling her insides implode.
While icy hands glide her warm skin.

Her breath, it stills.
Maybe it's from the pills.
Then the hands straddle her waist
For only just a taste.
They sink in, biting her soul away.

Tu reputación es tu vida.
Piensas solamente de eso.
Es qué tu quieres y amas.

Dejas la gente cerca de tí
Para el glamour y la publicidad,
Para las luces brillantes y la gente mala.

Pero has perdido el alma,
el amor, la felicidad.
Sólo conoces el dolor, la ira y la tristeza.

Sleepy Swagger Striding the Sideline,
the Sidewalk, the Street.
Soundlessly Slugging through
the Daunting Day Dawning Deep
Within the Weary, Worn, Walls of
the Hapless Hearts of
Various Vicarious Victors
Cunningly, Cleverly
Questing and Questioning
For the Forgotten and Frail.

The Earth in her glory is heartbreaking
Her beauty, so pure and tarnished
Storing life in her limbs

We hurt her, heal her, try to tame her
She is wild yet peaceful
Her actions unknown, predictable

Mother Earth
Her plates shift and bend us to her will
Her biding is never and forever our command

She is ours eternally  
But can never be captured for a single moment

Think about old friends and how they are so quickly lost and forgotten. In this modern world it's so easy to lose oneself in finding another. It's hard to keep friends over large distances. There is a disconnect and no one can repair the line. Bringing each other together is so hard it hurts. Don't lose the contact, keep it intact and the line will be free of static.

Sleep,
Dream,
Wake
unto
a dreary, dated room.
Bright stripes,
skylights
coating and bathing it with
flashiness barely disguising
the real image.

Travel is constant. People never stop moving and going places. You keep going, you never stop. Slow down. Pace it out. Life flows like a river with no end, sweeping you up in its current. It turns and churns. Swallowing up and spitting people out in the worst of ways. Slow your waters and calm your motions. Life moves at its pace and you move at yours. Don't speed, slow down, things will be fine.

Rain trapping souls in cold
like captives.

No sunlight escapes.
It's sealed away by the clouds.

The small malicious drops
never ceasing.

Their goal is to take the day for rain.
Hostages of their own work.

Their only job is to
keep on falling.

I am nature's manifestation
I exist only for its purpose
To do its bidding and command.

I am a starless night
A misty magic morning
Gleaming until the night comes calling again.

I am Mother Nature's cry
Her young child upon the earth
I am hers forever.

Frost crackling on the side window
showing how the cold of winter's kiss
has come to claim its mate.

The sky is on fire.
Burning with the fragility of a million years.
It sparkles beneath the flames, casting an ocher glow over all.

Heat floats down in clouds of muggy mist.
They burst, filling the air with warmth.
It drowns the body with searing pressure.

The fire's radiance is alarming.
Its picturesque beauty stings eyes with tears.
But then, the sun settles and the night sky calms the flames.